Page 130 of This Blood That Breaks Us

I couldn’t look at Her. I shook my head. I was already cold.

“I’ll leave them by the door.” Ezra nodded. The door clicked, but I didn’t check to see if he was gone.

She guided me to the bed. Was it possible to lose myself in Her, then She’d save whatever had broken in me? I could be good. I could be the person She wanted. It was my fault, but I could mend it. She’d be merciful. I’d strayed from Her path, but I could do better. I’d do it all. Appease the queen and save everyone else.

The pieces of my former self were scattered so irretrievably I didn’t even know how to pick them up again, and for the first time, I didn’t want to.

She helped me with my shirt, and a few seconds later, She wiped my face with a cloth. I stopped Her.

“You don’t have to do that. You shouldn’t.”

“Let me take care of you.”

A lump gathered in my throat. “No. I don’t want you to. I should be taking care of you.” As if I could move.

When I looked at Her, I knew I was staring at something otherworldly. Whatever She was, She couldn’t love me.

“You don’t have to take care of everyone else all the time.” She stroked my cheek, and I was crushed under the weight of Her words. “What is it, Love?”

“Don’t.” I buried my head in Her lap, and sadness swelled like a rushing wave. “Please don’t pretend anymore. I can’t take it.”

Or do. Because it’s all I wanted. For Her to care about me and make this pain end. I was crying again and didn’t think anyone would ever be able to stop it. No one was coming for me. She was all I had left that made any sense, but She didn’t love me. It wasn’t real.

She stroked the hair resting on my forehead and pulled my face up to meet Hers. “I’m yours. There’s no need to pretend.”

I couldn’t stop crying. Broken things leaked, and I was open and cracked. Empty and unable to ever be filled again. The pain in my chest was at an all-time high and was killing me.

“Are you upset because you couldn’t be with the girl? Because I can give you anything you need . . . ”

Her lips caressed my neck, slow and tender.

With two hands on Her shoulders, I pushed Her away. I never wanted Her to stop touching me, but I didn’t want Her like that. I did but I didn’t. Not when I felt so cold and numb. I knew it would leave me feeling more empty.

“Would you like to see her?”

“Who?

“Cecily. Your friend. She seems to make you happy.”

“Y-you could do that?”

She nodded. “The eclipse has made me very strong. She won’t be out for another moon cycle. I think she’d enjoy seeing you.”

I wiped my face.

“But . . . won’t you be angry at me?”

“Why would I, My Love? We are one. You belong to both of us now. I’d like to do whatever will make you happy.”

Trust me, My Love.

Her voice sounded in my head, and I pressed Her forehead to mine.

“Okay.”

She leaned in to kiss me with Her cold lips. The queen was ice on the heat of my skin, and it burned. When She pulled back, Her irises were flushed with emerald, then her eyes softened.

Cecily immediately pulled me into an embrace. “Luke. I’m so sorry.”