Page 119 of This Blood That Breaks Us

He got up from the chair and went for a dresser, then came back with a notepad and pen.

“Brace yourself, this is going to hurt.”

“What are you doing?”

“Writing a letter to Presley and Aaron.”

Luke sighed as he put the pen to paper.

“Why?”

“Because I need to say all the things I wished I’d said, and then I can let go. Then I can forget.”

I nodded and watched him in the dim light of the fire. He wasn’t kidding. That shit did hurt. Every word he added to that page, my stomach dropped. When Luke shed a tear, I closed myeyes and squeezed my nose. Sometimes, inflicting pain helped me stomach it. It wasn’t enough. Tears fell from my eyes, and I rushed to catch them.

“Do you want to write one?”

“No.” The answer to that question was easy.

I’d said goodbye to my brothers a long time ago and prepared myself silently for the day we’d have to leave. Even after Luke decided that last time we’d try to escape Blackheart, I knew it wouldn’t work. It never did. It almost felt like relief to see Ezra come through the trees with my confirmation that all my theories were correct, and it was proved yet again when Ezra and Sirius showed up in the tunnels. This was our destiny, and I’d fought it for him because he deserved better.

But he could make a difference in our new family too. He could bring light to more people who needed him.

“What are you doing?” I asked as he moved toward the fire and held the paper close.

“I don’t know. I don’t want anyone to find it. Burning it seems right.”

And with that, the piece of paper fell into the fireplace along with any lingering hopes of seeing our family again.

Dear Luke,

I’m kinda pissed at you. Why did you leave us here alone? Why didn’t you tell me this is how bad you felt? How did you stand it? I don’t get it.

You’re the one person who was supposed to show up for me. I keep hoping you’ll pop up at my window and take me with you. I could have come along. Maybe I could have helped you somehow and you wouldn’t be so sad.

I’m angry. I didn’t think I could get angry. But that has to be what this feeling is. Aaron is annoying. Kimberly is distracted, and there’s nothing to do here other than sit around and be sad all the time.

I’m mad at everyone, but especially you. Because you should have told me. Isn’t that what brothers do? Help each other through their pain? You taught me that and still chose to keep these secrets to yourself. I expect that from Zach, but not from you. Did you think I couldn’t handle it? Do you think I’m the younger brother who can do nothing right? You’re never going to answer me, and you’re never going to get this stupid letter.

This pain in my chest keeps getting worse. Who is helping you? Do you have anyone there to make you laugh or distract you from your panic attacks? I would have been good at that I think.

I know you’re both not okay. How the hell am I supposed to stay here knowing that?

P.S. Is Zach okay? Tell him I get why he punched walls back at the house now.

Love you forever,

Presley

Thirty-Seven

Luke

My hair and my face were freshly shaven. I straightened my blazer in the mirror and snagged a piece of lavender from the vase on our table to breathe in its scent and steady myself.This is right. We’re safe here.

We’d been hiding in our room all day knowing that they’d fetch us when it was time. Hiding in our room wasn’t an unusual thing for us in childhood, so it came naturally there too. We talked about nothing important with the dread of the day closing in on us from every angle. I hadn’t seen or heard from Will and Thane, and I assumed they would be allowed nowhere near Ascension.

“Ready?” Zach was at the door but stopped to pick up a letter that had been slid under.