Page 86 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“There. Feel it. Your loss of control. This is your gift to Her.” He handed me a knife. “Give yourself to Her. Ask Her to speak to you.”

It’s what I imagined people did in the old days when they cut open animals and left sacrifices to their gods. Only, all the power in my body was the sacrifice. Giving my blood was like fasting. From what I’d read in mythology, the gods weren’t kind. They played with the souls of mortals. That’s what She had to be, because She required so much from me.

It was probably a stupid reason too. Like for Her vanity or Her god-sized ego. I wondered if She was one I’d already heard about disguised as something else, or if she was something else no one had thought to write stories about.

I knew what he wanted from me. With the knife pressed firmly into my palm, I cut until the blood oozed into a pool. I took two fingers and moved the blood down my nose in one stroke, then two more over my eyes.

“Perfect. Now, head to the floor. Feel Her. Give yourself, and see what She gives back to you.”

I felt faint when my head hit the wood grain, but I did as instructed. Complying made things go more quickly. I let my mind wander, and it was easier now that I was empty of the blood and pain.

It was only me and Her.

Darling. Come close to me.

The tug in my chest nearly brought me to the floor. I willed myself closer like She’d pop up out of the floorboards. What I really wanted was to be in Her room. On Her bed. Feeling Her breath on my cheek and the coldness of Her skin on my chest.

That’s it. Tell me what you want.

I wanted to feel Her in my palms, and Her teeth to embed themselves into my skin. Did I need to be empty to feel the connection? Now that I was empty of my brother’s and my blood, I could finallyfeelHer.

It can always feel this way. You know who you are. Give in to your own darkness, Darling. Let it consume you.

When I opened my eyes, I was sitting directly in front of the mural with no recollection of moving.

“There. Your bond to the past is holding you back. You cannot advance while you’re holding on to your old bonds.”

I fell back, and he pulled me to my feet by the collar of my shirt. I cursed the weakness in my body, but most of all, I cursed the feeling of excitement at seeing Her.

Twenty-Five

Zach

I said I wouldn’t trust Ezra again, but I lied. Well, more like, I didn’t have a choice.

The difference between Sirius and Ezra was Ezra was sympathetic. Which was ironic, considering Sirius had an actualblood brother he’d been bonded to. I didn’t trust Sirius not to hurt Luke, but Ezra seemed to at least try to help my brother. The only thing I could trust Sirius with was to kick my ass and hang me on a stake and watch me burn if it pleased him or Her.

He’d even asked Ezra to help me get blood to replenish all he’d taken.Fucker.

“How are you faring?”

Ezra handed me a blood bag while wrapping my wrist. He’d taken me to his room, and I tried to hide my smile at the wardrobe that was mostly intact. It was now sitting on the ground with no legs.

“Been better, I think.”

“You let him take your blood? Didn’t even throw a punch?” He smirked.

“No. I’m tired of getting my ass kicked. Sometimes, it’s easier to let him do his thing. Even if it’s . . . weird.”

“You were praying in the church?”

“Yeah, and one minute I’m on my knees, then the next I’m right next to that mural and couldfeelit. Like I was in some horror movie.”

His voice grew softer. “It scared you.”

“Yeah. A little. This felt dark. Uncontrollable. He wants me to take his place and be all Mr. Prayer, and I don’t know if that’s me. I’m trying. Then when I try and do feel something, it freaks me out.”

Ezra was the only one I could talk to about it. The only time Luke had to pray was during our weekly group prayer in the cathedral, and what he described was different. He never talked about Her the way I thought of Her. He was always connected to the soul and The Divine and some shit.