Page 87 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“You’re doing well. Luke too. He’s safe. You’re safe. All is moving along as it should. Sirius would like you to take over his duties, but not all of his roles will fall to you. He wants toteach you because you’re the only one he has to teach now. He knows that. You don’t need to worry. You can’t mess it up, and it won’t rush to you before you’re ready. Fate comes at the right moment.”

I bit into the blood bag as Ezra finished the bandage. I wouldn’t need it for long. The blood would heal me quickly.

He continued. “Ascension will change things for you and your brother. The stars are lined in your favor, and it’s going to come together in perfect harmony. These things you’re worried about won’t matter. I promise.”

I liked the sound of it even if it was cryptic. Because Luke’s feelings were mine now, I’d grown so worried it was eating me alive. No matter which way I turned, I craved something solid to help keep me up. I wanted my hard outer shell back.

“Can I ask you something about Ascension?”

“Anything.”

“Is it . . . a sex thing? I want to wrap my head around it so I know what to expect.”

Ezra broke into a soft laughter.

“Why are you acting like that’s not a valid question when everyone here looks at Her like they’re seconds away from humping Her leg?”

“It is. I’m sorry I laughed. It’s not a sexual thing. It’s the exchange of blood. She’ll give you Hers, and you’ll give yours. It’s very personal but not inherently sexual.”

“We’ve done that before, though.”

“The amount and the timing matters. There are certain celestial markers we look for.”

“Oh good, then.”

“Zach, no one here will make you do things you don’t want to if that’s what’s worrying you. The mortal body has needs, but you don’t have to be the one to fulfill them if you don’t desire to. All of that isn’t the point of The Guard. We serve Her by guardingHer and ensuring the physical body of The Divine is kept safe from harm for eons. So we can continue to live on the earth and bring people into our family.”

“No. I only wondered.”

“You also don’t need to feel ashamed if you do want to fulfill that role for Her—”

“I don’t.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Shame doesn’t exist here in our family. There is only serving Her. And after Ascension, you’ll know exactly what that role is. You’ll feel it in your being. You’ll be joined with Her in pure bliss.”

“It will help what’s happening with me and Luke, then? The bond is getting worse. It feels like we’re the same person. I can’t even argue with him anymore without it making me feel like shit. It wasn’t like this for you guys?”

“You and your brother were very close before the bond, and now much closer than before.”

Being blood bonded to Luke meant I couldn’t help but to be a little soft, but being soft here was a death sentence to my sanity.

“What about Sirius? He had a brother.”

“Still. They weren’t like you and Luke.”

Ezra busied himself with the cleanup of our mess by chucking bits of bloodied cotton into the bin.

“You’d think he’d give a little grace.”

“He barely remembers his brother’s face. Let alone the feeling of being bonded to him. I think he sees his brother in you. It keeps him from seeing you clearly. Eros was very devoted. They prayed in the old church every morning together.”

“Well, I wish he’d stop. How did you guys forfeit the bond? Asking for a friend.”

“You and Luke are meant to be bonded. Granted, it’s quite intense, but it’s appropriate for your roles for now. Once Sirius’s brother died and our bond was broken, the pain was too much.We couldn’t go on. We were in danger of being taken out completely, so with Her help, we severed it.”

“By . . . ”

“She took specific memories from Sirius and me. No memories. No pain. No memory. No bond.”