Page 49 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“You can’t know that.”I wasn’t worried the slightest in fighting or splitting up.

“I wish you’d tell me the real reason you won’t try. Why is this the one secret you won’t tell me?”

“Because we promised.”

“You and your brother and your promises.”

She wasn’t upset. She stayed eye level with me, waiting for me to explain, but I didn’t know how.

A feeling deep in my gut told me not to. If I bound Sarah to me in any way other than a friend, it would end in disaster. Sarah was my person. I couldn’t imagine a day without her. We texted from morning to night. I couldn’t risk it.

“You’re too important,” I said, running my thumb across her knuckles.

“It’s okay. Forget I said anything.” She smiled, hiding any disappointment beneath her dimples, and moved toward the door.

“Wait.” I grabbed her arm. “I have something I want to say.”

“No, you don’t have to. It’s okay.”

“No, I . . . I love you too.”

Her body relaxed as she went to sit by me. “You do?”

“I think I’ve been hooked since you kissed me on the playground.”

“No way you’ve been holding out on me for that long.”

I caressed her cheek. “Because it doesn’t change anything.”

“I feel like this changes something.” She put her hand on my leg, and her breathing slowed to match mine.

I missed that feeling. The feeling of needing breath and the feeling of when it came easily. She was all I wanted. Even then. I never knew what I wanted growing up. It was more of a feeling pulling me from place to place. I wanted my family to be happy. I wanted to be happy. It didn’t always matter how or where.

I leaned in to kiss her again.It lasted longer than it had in real life. What had really happened was we both pulled away and laughed, then agreed to stay friends.In this dream, we didn’t stop kissing.My lips stayed on hers, and I lost myself in her completely. Maybe that’s how it should have ended.

Suddenly, it stopped and Sarah spoke again.

“Luke? Why do I feel so cold?” Sarah grabbed at her neck while blood poured from her.

I awoke gasping and checking my hands for evidence of the blood.

It had been so quick.

I hadn’t seen the cut on her neck or the look on her face when it happened, but I remembered the warmth. The heat of it on my cold skin would never leave me.

I was confident something in me cracked. It had to be something in my brain or chest. I wasn’t sure, but it broke. As soon as the warmth hit, I swear I heard it.

I did the same things I used to—wore the same clothes, had the same routines, but that damned feeling of wetness on my face haunted me. It hit me in the strangest of moments. The breeze on my cheek suddenly felt too hot. I reached up to feel nothing.There was no physical evidence of the break. It was unseen, like broken glass hiding in the sand.

Sarah was gone, and it was all my fault. The dark room was closing in on me, but Zach was asleep after our training, and I didn’t want to wake him up. Sleeping after blood loss was a curse I couldn’t escape.

I collapsed onto my bed. The feeling of panic surging through every muscle wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t escape my own body, but I longed to shed my skin and be anywhere else.

I rested my face in my hands and wept.

Sarah, why did this happen? Why did I let this happen to you? What is wrong with me? Why didn’t I do more? Why didn’t I save you? I can’t go back. I can’t. My face is hot. I hate it. My hands are tingling. Why is it getting worse? My face is hot. I can’t breathe. It won’t stop. I need it to stop. My face is so hot.

“Luke?” Zach was next to me in a second.