Page 105 of This Blood That Breaks Us

The wine hadn’t hit me yet, but it had to have hit him because he giggled at my words.

“Come on. Let’s do this stupid maze.”

I ushered Luke over to where all the boys were standing.

“Ezra says the first one to the end of the maze gets to forfeit all duties for a week. And you get to pick one person to serve you for a month,” Henderson said. “No rules. No limits. Get there any way you can, boys.”

“So it’s going to be a bloodbath, then?”

Nothing these guys ever did was without ruthlessness or blood. I didn’t think anyone heard me in the fray.

“Ready. Set. Go!” Those were the last words I remembered as Luke and I moved into the hedges.

My feet left the ground, and my body poised to run and then . . .

I wasn’t in the maze.

Sounds of laughter filled the night air, but I was far from it. Alone. Staring at the edge of the cliffside where the sky met the vast darkness of the ocean. The world moved slowly, unlike my heartbeat. I moved my hands over my face, and the world tilted on its axis, almost taking me down with it.

How long have I been out here? Did I miss the maze race?

The water swirled below. I couldn’t see far into the blackness, but the entire ocean was blending and moving in a way I could feel on my skin. I moved toward the edge. Why was I out here? And why alone?

You’re still holding back.

The queen’s voice filled my head, and I fought against the wind. There on the cliff’s edge, the soft mist hit my skin.

Prove your loyalty.

My heart kicked my ribs. The dark water churned below and swirled into the black abyss. I stepped closer.

She was right. I was resisting. I let the images flood my mind of what it might be like to give in and let Her consume me. What our future might look like together. I wanted Her to want me like I wanted Her, and I’d do anything to make it so.

Fall.

The word filled my head, and I stood with my toes at the edge of the cliff. I couldn’t have Her until I gave in. My skin pulsated, and I swear I felt my blood moving within my body. The water drew me closer. I wanted to jump if it meant She’d be there tocatch me and consume all that was left of me. Then I’d finally be free of this place.

The wind picked up, and I lost my footing. I would fall, but I didn’t care. If She wanted it, I’d give it. She wanted me to fall. She wanted me to follow Her down to the bottom of hell.

Someone caught me and pulled me to the ground. I held my head, internally reeling at the dizziness.

“What are you doing?” Sirius’s voice was next to me, but I couldn’t open my eyes to see his face.

“Make it stop.”

“Were you going to jump?” He sounded worried.

“She wants me to jump. To show my loyalty. She doesn’t want me, but She will.” The words were poured out of me before I could even hope to catch them. “She doesn’t love me. No one cares. Luke cares. Only Luke.”

I felt a hand on my back and then on my head. “It’s the wine that makes you feel like that. It’s not true. Lay back on the grass for a minute.”

I did, and it made the ground shake and melt into me like quicksand. When I opened my eyes, the night sky was a vivid blending of spots and pulsing of lights. I was small and insignificant, like a terrified child.

I covered my eyes with a groan. “Please, make this stop. Do something.”

“It will pass soon.”

“You don’t want to help me. You hate me. You want me to suffer.”