Page 73 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“I’m afraid to close my eyes,” Luke said.

“What do you think will happen?”

“I’ll dream of Her.”

“We can do the ole ice trick. I’m sure Connell is dying to do us a favor.”

To stay up late when we were kids, we’d dump all the ice trays in a bowl and stick our face in it. I mostly remembered how it would piss Mom off when we’d forget to fill them back up.

He lay back on his bed and sighed.

I did the same. “Fine. If you do, then I’ll be here. We’ll deal.”

“Do you ever dream of Her?”

“Yeah. Every time I fall asleep.”

“Mine aren’t always bad. Sometimes, I’m so happy with Her that I don’t want to wake up. And when I do . . . I feel disappointed.”

I remembered the last dream I’d had. It involved sneaking into Her room at night and . . . let’s just say it was not an appropriate dream to tell my brother at that moment.

I sat up and moved to his bed to sit beside him.

“We can’t go back, Luke. This is who we have to be. This is who we are.”

“But . . . I want to go back. I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“I know.”

“I want to help everyone, and I can’t. I don’t know how. I keep thinking I’m going to be able to, and I can’t.”

His voice broke, and I broke with it. The weight of his pain was amplified by Her blood and ours mixed together. It was like a siren sounding in my head, screaming for me to help him. As if I needed something to make that need any stronger.

“I know but we can’t. We have to stay and try to get to Ascension.”

Luke shook his head, and his eyes went red.

“No, no, no, don’t fucking do it. Don’t cry,” I said.

He pressed his palms into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m always crying all the time now, and I hate it.”

I pulled him into my arms. “That’s not what I meant.”

He buried his head in my shoulder, almost toppling me over. The fucking brute. His quiet sobs grew louder, and I squeezed him tighter.

“We’re never going to see them again, are we?”

I knew it the moment we set foot on the plane, maybe even earlier, but he’d held onto hope this long? Who was I kidding? Of course he did.

“No. I don’t think so.”

He cried harder, and warmth filled my face.

“I know I’m not funny like Presley or nice like Aaron, but I’ll protect you, Luke.”

He wiped his eyes. “What if I can’t stay away from Her?”

“None of that shit matters. I’ll take care of you. No matter what happens, I’ll be right here.”