Page 77 of This Blood That Breaks Us

“Kiss. My. Shoe.”

He did, and I reveled in the euphoria. I could get used to that, getting stronger every day to where no one could challenge me. A trickling laughter sputtered out as I enjoyed his humiliation . . . until I saw my brother.

Luke stared back at me a few feet away on the lawn, and the sudden ache in my chest jolted me out of my trance. I hated that aspect of it, the pain, but the bond was good in some aspects. Sometimes, it was the only way I could get a read on how he was actually feeling. It made us closer. As if that was possible. Luke’s beating heart might as well have been in my chest. I felt every emotion he felt.

“You did good today.” I reached down to help Henderson up.

“Uh . . . thanks?”

“Same time tomorrow?”

He groaned, “Yes, sir.”

I flung off the dirt and blood clinging to me and skipped out to see my brother. Surrounding us were a few of the other members sparring on the grass.

I called out, “Keep going! Form check in five.”

Then I promptly addressed my brother, “Luke, you need some sun or something. Fuck.” I grabbed his chin to survey him with Henderson’s blood still on my hands.

His dark circles had dark circles, and his golden glow was gone. He reminded me of the time we got the flu. It was this place. It was draining the life out of him.

“I don’t think it works like that. Plus, it’s never sunny here.”

“Still.”

“Stop worrying about me.”

Luke had stopped smiling. He was struggling. Only, he was having a hard time telling me he was. Another symptom of being here too long. I didn’t mind it so much. I got to fight all the time. I’d gotten used to the gray. The monotony.

“You say that like it’s not my whole personality. And like we’re not bound together by demon witch blood.”

He formed a half-smile. “Speaking of, I need to ask you about something. Walk with me?”

I wiped the rest of the blood from my hands and followed him to the covered stone balcony on the second floor. He was right. It was never sunny, and that day was no exception. Dreary clouds hung in the sky like they might pour down any minute.

“I want to see Her more. I think it will help. You don’t need to watch over me anymore.”

“Luke. That’s a shit idea.”

“I-I just . . . walking with Her in the morning is when I feel the happiest. Maybe that’s what I need. I don’t know. But I have to try something else. I don’t feel like I’ve found my place yet.”

I’d never told Luke about that night with the queen when I confirmed his theory and Cecily had listened. She’d not askedfor Luke during a new moon since that day. Ezra kept his part of the deal too. The first new moon he took Luke over to the mainland for a few days for client work with the blood bank, I’d had to take his place. It wasn’t terrible, but since then, I had done nothing but try to distance myself from Her, and it worked. The last new moon, Ezra had to send us away because the pain of the bond got so bad that Luke and I could not stop crying—fucking embarrassing. We spent a full twenty-four hours crying—according to Will who thought the whole thing was ridiculous and a little funny. It was ridiculous but it wasn’t funny. No clue what caused it either. I remember feeling so sad I thought it would kill me. Every time we looked at each other, we cried harder, and the usual comfort thing wasn’t working. We tried to separate, but that made it worse. Sirius and Ezra had seen nothing like it.

A few nights away in a cabin by the cliffs helped.

“What would She even need you for?” I asked.

“You know . . . making sure She’s comfortable.”

“She’s got Her little servants for that.”

They did it all. Combed Her hair. Did Her manicures. Helped Her count Her jewels. I didn’t know. I didn’t care if I wasn’t the one doing it. Everyone fought for their chance to be anointed during our prayer meetings. Sometimes, it was like Connell’s with the memory taking, but mostly, it meant getting picked to be Her maid and follow Her around for the week.Bullshit.

“I know, but what if She gets lonely? She needs someone to talk to.”

“Luke. No. I stand by it being a terrible idea.”

“Right.” He looked out over the garden and the labyrinth. A few flowers had bloomed.