Page 24 of Ruthless Chaos

Something about that doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m already done with this conversation. “That won’t make me like you,” I say to her, shoving my hands in my pockets.It might actually make me hate you more, but I keep that part to myself.

“Then why are you wearing the chain I bought you?”

My hand moves to the Cuban link chain around my neck. I found it in my bedroom when I was getting dressed for the party. I hadn’t even given it much thought when I put it on. Since it was in my room, I just assumed it was mine.

It wouldn’t be the first time Cassidy has snuck into my room to plant “gifts.”

In a deft motion, I unclasp it and toss it in her direction.

“I’ll let the guards at the House know you’re still sneaking around.”

SEVEN

ALIZE

The water was scaldinghot when I got in the bath.

Now it’s almost cold. I’ve been scrubbing my skin for what feels like hours, but nothing gets rid of the feeling.

I don’t even know his name, but I’m haunted by thoughts of him, of how he made me feel.

The moment I stop scrubbing, the feelings come rushing back.

The way his painful grip and punishing kisses turned into euphoric pleasure. How each scrape of his teeth against my neck sent a shockwave straight to my core. The stinging need that took hold when he fingered me.

Every single one of his touches hurt, but Ilikedit—I wanted more of it.

I sink deeper in the tub, letting the water submerge me.Could one drink really have screwed me up this bad?I’m embarrassed about it too, because I couldn’t tell where things were going when he kissed me first.

I’m embarrassed I had a panic attack and started crying at the prospect of sex.

Most of all, I’m embarrassed I enjoyed it and he knew.

I jerk suddenly, gripping the edges of the clawfoot bath. I squeeze my eyes shut to orient my mind. I need to compartmentalize this. I need to put it aside and get back to being Allie Clarke.

There’s no way I can keep myself alive here if my brain is a mess like this.

Nothing seems to work.

The scene keeps replaying in my head.

I’ve been here for less than twenty-four hours, yet I’ve already almost lost my virginity. Against a tree no less. If I wasn’t a virgin, I’m sure he would have fucked me right there.

My thighs clench at the thought.

I don’t even know who I am anymore. When I dreamed of college, I never pegged myself as this type of girl.

It was my first kiss, too.

For all the romance novels I’ve read, none of them even come close to what it actually felt like. The moment his lips met mine, my world shrunk down to a single point of reference—who I was before that kiss, and who I am now.

I felt it in my toes and fingertips. Like a wave of electricity cascading through my whole body. His lips were soft, the smell of him so intense and intoxicating. It felt like a perfect moment, and I wish that was all that happened between us.

Had it been just a kiss, I wouldn’t feel this dirty right now.

Clearly, this bath won’t get rid of the feeling, so I drain the tub and rinse the soap residue from my skin in the shower.