Page 150 of Ruthless Chaos

It’s clear to me that I think of him differently than he thinks of me. I don’t beg my friends to fuck me or touch myself in front of them.

If anybody hurt me the way Alexander does, I would hate them. But from him, I fucking love the pain, I want more of it. I’m upset that we’re just friends, but…

If I’m the onlyfriendhe has sex with, then maybe I can be okay with it.

“Where are we going?” I ask, trying to take my mind off the ache in my chest.

We have been walking along the edge of the lake for a while. There’s only water and forest as far as I can see. When I look up at Alexander, his eyes are focused somewhere in the distance.

“I won’t have much free time for the rest of the week,” he says. “We should take the moments we get together as they come.” He takes my hand. “I’m taking you to my favorite secret spot.”

I say nothing else, partly because I’m trying not to ruin the moment. I push all the worrisome thoughts out of my head and try to focus on the present.

In the present, Alexander and I are taking a lakeside moonlit stroll together.

This is another moment that I would save forever if I could.

It feels like we are the only two people in the world, like nothing else matters beyond the butterflies in my stomach and the safety I feel in his presence.

The silence between us is comfortable. We walk for a while longer until Alexander turns toward the forest. At first, I wonder if his favorite spot is some sort of cave or glade.

A small wooden cabin comes into view when we get closer.

It looks as though the forest is fighting to reclaim it. It’s nestled between the roots and trunk of the tall trees. Vines wrap themselves around the eaves, and a few critters scatter as we approach.

Whenever I read the story of Little Red Riding Hood, this was the house I imagined her grandmother living in. It’s quaint and rustic, and even though we’re not inside yet, I can tell it’s a special place.

Alexander undoes the latch on the door and I step inside.

There are two chairs, two small tables, a hot plate, and a cot inside.

Alexander picks up a lamp from the shelf above the cot and lights it with his lighter. He places the lamp on the table between the chairs and takes a seat. I settle into the other one.

The lamp casts flickering shadows but gives me enough light to examine the rest of the cabin. Everything looks like it hasn’t been touched in a while.

There’s a painting on the wall that has gathered a layer of dust and cobwebs, and the cot looks like it’s gone unused for so long that it might collapse if anyone tried to sleep in it.

When my eyes finally meet Alexander’s, he’s staring at me.

THIRTY-SIX

ALEXANDER

Alize’s eyes are wide,taking in every inch of the cabin.

They sparkle in the light from the lamp, looking less like the usual hazel and more deep green. The look of them catches me off guard, and so does the rest of her—her dark skin has a deeper, richer tone in this light. She seems to sparkle from within, and I realize I’ve never, ever laid eyes on anyone this beautiful.

I don’t think I ever will again.

I could stare at her forever.

I drink in the sight of her for as long as I can. When her eyes meet mine, she seems surprised at my staring. That breaks me out of my trance—I can’t keep allowing myself to get lost in my thoughts about her like this while I’m around her.

“I had no idea something like this existed on campus,” she says, flashing me a brilliant white smile. “This place is so cozy.”

“Nobody else knows about it,” I say, looking down at the lamp sitting between us. The metal is rusting in some places, the red paint chipped in others. “Technically, it isn’t on campus, either.”

She raises an eyebrow, and she sinks her teeth into those luscious lips. Fuck, she has no idea how much it drives me crazy when she does that. Blood rushes southward. I tent my fingers over my lap and look away from her.