Page 133 of Ruthless Chaos

My heart is beating so loud in my chest I think he’ll hear it. I remind myself this doesn’t mean what my feelings are trying to tell me it does. It’s stilljustlunch to him. He’s the type to do things big, and it probably didn’t cost him much.

I take a deep breath.

Just lunch.

When Tommaso returns, Alexander orders for us both. He happily takes our order and compliments me on my choice of entree. He leaves, then returns a few minutes later with some freshly baked bread and a carafe of red wine.

Alexander pours us both a glass while I try the bread. It’s light and soft, and melts on my tongue.So good.

“Tommaso seems fond of you,” I comment, breaking another piece of bread and slathering it with some butter.

He nods, taking a sip of his wine. “This restaurant was my refuge when I was a freshman,” he says. “Tommaso noticed how often I came and took an interest in me. He has a heart of gold.”

I can’t imagine a universe where a force like Alexander would need refuge. He speaks so sincerely of Tommaso—not cold or distant.

Maybe I don’t know him as well as I thought.

My face must give away what I’m thinking, for he says, “Don’t look at me like that. I have feelings too.”

“I find that hard to believe,” I say, trying the wine. It’s dry and tart. I’m tempted to drink it all in a single gulp. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

“You’ve never seen me around my friends.”

That’s true. I didn’t even know he had any. Is it a bad sign that he hasn’t introduced me to any of them? I gulp down some more wine.

Alexander eyes my glass. “It’s enjoyable to be around people who don’t have any expectations of me, sometimes. On campus, I have a title to live up to. At home, I have my father’s shit to deal with, my brother’s shoes to fill. But here, in this old ass Italian restaurant, I’m just some English bloke eating a plate of ziti.”

“It’s a reprieve,” I say, nodding.

Put like that, I understand. I longed for that kind of escape all my life.

“Exactly,” Alexander says. “Reprieve. That sounds better than refuge.”

I chuckle and so does he.

A comfortable silence falls between us, and I use that time toreallylook at him.

He does seem different. Not necessarily relaxed, but calmer than he is on campus. He’s not surveying the room; his fists aren’t clenched, and the vein in his neck isn’t sticking out. He’s just himself.

Tommaso said I’m the only girl he’s brought here.

That he’s let me see him like this makes me privy to a huge secret.

I want to keep this knowledge to myself.

He trusts me.

"Your father has big expectations of you?” I say, off-handedly.

His eyes snap to my face and a bit of the tension is back in his expression. I freeze mid-sip, wondering if I asked him a question that’s too personal. He regards me before speaking.

They feel like some of the longest seconds of my life.

“Yes,” he says, licking his lips. “My father is a…hard man to please. I’m his second son, so usually I wouldn’t be the one facing the brunt of his expectations, but…a lot happened in the past few months that changed that.”

I don’t know if I should ask him the next question on my mind, but he didn’t shut me down, so he’s open to the conversation, right? I take the plunge. Alexander knows things about me that could get me killed.

“What happened?” I ask.