Page 156 of Ruthless Chaos

I can’t take my eyes off it. The thought of that huge thing inside me excites me and scares me at the same time.

He seems to pick up on my apprehension.

“I’ll be gentle. I promise,” he says. “If it feels too much, just tell me and I’ll stop.”

I believe him.

Alexander gets on top of me, lowering his head to my stomach. He kisses me reverently, spending extra time on the ugly scar I have from the explosion. He runs a finger over it, and something flashes over his features.

“The explosion?” His voice is low.

I nod. He kisses it again, this time slower, running his tongue over it. My eyes flutter closed, and I slump back, getting lost in the feel of his mouth on my skin.

His lips are soft, warm.

I want them everywhere.

Alexander hooks a finger under the waistband of my jeans, using another hand to undo the buttons. He slips them off unceremoniously, leaving me in just my underwear.

He slowly kisses from my navel towards my aching core. I roll my hips, impatient.

Instead of putting his mouth where I want it, he moves toward my thighs. A sudden spike of panic gathers in my chest. I try to push him away.

He grabs my wrists.

“No,” his voice has a hard edge to it. “Let me kiss them, too.”

He presses a soft kiss to the scars on my outer thighs. Something tightens in my chest, and this whole experience has suddenly become more emotional. “When I said every part of you is mine, I meant these too.” He traces the ridges of my scars with his tongue. “Thank you for stopping. I’m glad you’re still here.”

My eyes burn, and there’s a sob in my chest. But I’m also so aroused that my core starts to hurt. Is it weird if I cry while we have sex?

A mangled whine leaves my lips.

Alexander spreads my legs, clicking his tongue. “You’ve soaked through your panties,” he murmurs. “It’s all over your thighs.”

He trails a finger up my inner thigh and towards my core. I squirm against his touch, anticipation gripping my chest.

The heat in my core expands, and my body shivers as the heat from his breath glides over my skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Alexander places a kiss on my sex, wrapping his lips around my clitoris.

My hips jerk toward him.

This is just like the morning he woke me up.

I knot my fingers in the silky strands of his hair when his fingers touch me. He slips them within my folds, working their length inside me. My brain is foggy.

It feels like I’m drowning in the deepest part of the ocean and his lips, his touch, his love is the only thing that can make me breathe again. I grind against his face and fingers, wanting him deeper.

My legs go numb. I’m close to the edge.

Alexander stops, right as I’m about to explode.

My eyes snap open in rage. He’s wearing a smirk, and I feel like I’ve been betrayed. Tears bead in the corner of my eyes.

He can’t possibly think of stopping now.

I open my mouth to curse, but all that comes out is a shaky, needy whimper. Alexander laughs. I squeeze my eyes shut, embarrassed. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why he’s stopped, and I can’t find my words.

My entire body feels like it’s about to explode, and I’m so uncomfortable with need that everything feels sharp and miserable without him touching me, hurting me, pleasuring me.