Page 180 of Ruthless Chaos

Fuck, I love her.

FORTY-FIVE

ALIZE

Tara letme hide out in her room for the rest of the trip.

Despite how distraught I was, she didn’t pry about the reason. The only question she asked was to clarify that my busted lip wasn’t his doing. I gave her the cliff’s notes of what happened. I didn’t tell her about my cuts or what I had to threaten him with for him to leave me alone.

I was able to avoid him for the most part.

I took all my meals in the hotel room and only went outside when I was certain he would be elsewhere, thanks to Nya keeping tabs on him.

The plane ride home was the hardest.

He sat up front by himself, while I sat at the back with Tara.

After not seeing him for a couple days, I’m not sure what I expected.

Maybe for him to look as horrible as I felt. I hate myself for half-heartedly hoping that he would have a change of heart. That he would find me and apologize, try to explain that hedidlike me as much as I liked him.

That I was special to him. That things were different with us.

He didn’t look the least bit affected. He looked the same. He still had the calm confidence about him, the swagger in his walk like he owned the ground beneath his feet.

It was a slap in the face.

It gave credence to the choice I made, even though it hurts so much.

I never meant anything to Alexander.

It’s best I find out now when I still have the chance to tear myself away from him.

He is so extreme, so completely all-consuming that it was only a matter of time before I lost my entire being to him—just like Tara said.

At least now I can pick up the pieces while there are still pieces left to pick up.

When we get back to the school, it’s the first time I feel happy to see the Saint Frederic University campus. Nothing has changed about it.

It’s still a den of vipers. It only gives me consolation because the monsters here don’t try to hide their hand. They don’t seduce you the same way they did their ex then lie to you about it.

Now that I have all the information, it makes sense why Cassidy could never leave Alexander alone. Why was she so angry at me.

It must have felt like watching your own life play out in front of your eyes.

I don’t even know if any of the moments Alexander and I shared were genuine.

Did any of them truly belong to just us?

My stomach feels uneasy just thinking about it, so I put it out of my mind.

Tara opens the door to our dorm, and I lug our suitcases inside.

Once I cross the threshold, a weight lifts from my shoulders. These four walls feel safe. They feel like they have become my home. I rush to my bed and crawl underneath the covers, ignoring the pain throbbing in my legs.

I have been doing my best to act like I’m not injured around Tara.

I’m not ready to have the conversation about the way I handle my problems, yet. She’s yet to say anything about them. I’m hoping it’s because the scars don’t show up because my skin is darker on my thighs.