Page 79 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Soft fur brushing Nikolai's jaw roused him from sleep. It felt early, though with the shades drawn he couldn’t tell whether or not the sun was up yet. He blinked awake, letting his eyes adjust.

Then he tuned into the gentle sound of another breathing.

Elliot .

Nikolai’s breath caught.

Elliot was snuggled up into his chest, a stuffed animal smushed between them, which was the thing tickling Nikolai's jaw. It wasn’t Max, because Max had been washed and was sitting in the bathroom drying, but Nikolai thought it might be Apricot. Sheep was larger and more plush than the giraffe toy.

It didn’t surprise him that after everything that had happened yesterday Elliot had reached for his oldest friend.

They would need to talk about it all today.

Nikolai wasn’t na?ve enough to think that Vitale’s death hadn’t affected Elliot. Beyond the complicated process of moving on from abusive relationships, Nikolai had killed Vitale in front of Elliot. Elliot had witnessed the graphic violence of it all much too closely.

It wouldn’t be uncalled for if Elliot was sad or angry or even scared of Nikolai now that the dust was settling. Vitale had been his whole world for so long. Turbulence, abuse… it came with its own kind of predictive comfort.

Nikolai knew that all too well.

He sighed, tucking his head down to kiss Elliot’s hair, to breathe in the scent of his shampoo there. He couldn’t regret it. Elliot was safe, Nikolai’s businesses were safe, and under Vicki’s management, he hoped this city would recover from the dark slide down Vitale had tried to take it.

Nikolai laid there in the dark holding Elliot, enjoying his presence.

Not even the pain of his body, which was back in full force this morning, could take away from how peaceful he felt.

Nikolai had never shared a bed before. Had never slept curled up like this.

It felt right. Like Elliot belonged there, with him.

It was too tender a thought to linger on. Yesterday they’d been allowed to shut themselves in. Today things would need to be handled.

He would give it until Elliot woke up. For now, Nikolai would enjoy the peaceful moment.

It was about an hour later that the man in his arms began to stir. Elliot made a small, cute noise as he roused and pushed in further against Nikolai's chest.

Nikolai took that as his cue to move, giving Elliot a gentle squeeze before pulling him in closer.

“Morning,” Elliot mumbled.

“Morning,” Nikolai said. His own voice was rough, and speaking pulled on the fresh scabbing on his lip. No doubt the bruising would be in full force today. Meredith and Elliot would be impossible about it.

Elliot made a grumbling sound. “Need to use the bathroom, but so cozy.”

Nikolai chuckled and gave him another squeeze. “We could take turns and then get back into bed.” Everything could wait an hour or two more.

Another groan of discontent, but slowly Elliot eased back, taking Apricot with him. His hair was a mess, sticking up in all directions, and he looked adorable cuddling his giraffe close.

Seeing Elliot with his stuffed toy took Nikolai back to last night, and he couldn’t help the way his body reacted to those memories. It had been a long, long time since he’d been with anyone, and none of his prior bed partners had ever made him feel the way Elliot did.

He had no idea if Elliot noticed his situation or if he just needed to use the restroom that badly, but he squeaked, “Bathroom!” and then he fled the bed on unsteady feet.

Nikolai meant to not look, because Elliot was still nude, but… he was a weak man in the end.

Once Elliot had shut the bathroom door behind him, Nikolai flopped onto his back and stretched carefully, doing his best not to make the pain in his ribs worse.

He tried not to think about Elliot coming back to his bed naked and slipping in under the covers beside him, but failed miserably.

Already he couldn’t wait for Elliot to return.

Nikolai wanted to be ready for him, ready to cuddle him close again, but his arm was throbbing now that he was paying attention. He rooted around in the dark and found the bottle of pain pills on the bedside table. Twisting it open, he swallowed two dry. Then he found his phone.

It was just after eight in the morning, and a quick glance through his texts showed no emergencies. Good. They could have just a bit more morning then.

When the bathroom door opened again and Elliot stepped out, Nikolai pointedly averted his eyes. He listened to Elliot pad across the room quickly, and then slip in under the covers on the other side. Nikolai gave him a smile as he put his phone back on the bedside table and got up.

After using the restroom, Nikolai stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking his face over as he brushed his teeth.

He had bruising all around one eye, but the nose didn’t look too bad, all things considered.

His arm hurt the most, and he probably had to count himself lucky that the cuts had been shallow and that nothing vital had been knicked.

But a dozen stitches and some bruising was a small price to pay for everything they’d won.

When Nikolai left the bathroom, he left the light on for visibility, but didn’t turn up any of the lights in the bedroom before he climbed back into the bed.

For one long moment, Nikolai hesitated, not reaching out.

Yesterday had been a heat of the moment situation, and Elliot might even have been in shock for part of it.

But before guilt could come crashing down on him, Elliot was scooting toward him, curling up against his side.

Soft, bare skin pressed against his own, and Nikolai took a deep, slow breath.

“How you are feeling?” Nikolai asked when Elliot settled. He’d laid his head on Nikolai's shoulder, his breath puffing against Nikolai’s skin.

“I should be asking you that,” Elliot said.

“You’re the one who got hurt.” His arm slipped around Nikolai's chest, and then Elliot was hugging him. It was such a sweet gesture that Nikolai had to close his eyes for a moment. “I know there’s… stuff we need to talk about,” Elliot said quietly.

“But could we just do this for a little while longer?”

“I was hoping you were wanting that,” Nikolai confessed.

With Elliot on his good arm, he went to lift the stitched one, and at the flare of pain, thought better of it. He settled for inching his good arm out to better hold Elliot close.

The silence of the morning sifted around them.

Elliot hummed happily when Nikolai pressed a kiss to his hair.

“Is good?” Nikolai murmured.

“Yeah,” Elliot sighed, the puff of breath tickling Nikolai's skin. “Last night was… amazing.”

“I’m glad,” Nikolai said. “You deserve to feel good. Max and I are both thinking so.”

Elliot snorted, his face turning against Nikolai's shoulder. Nikolai didn’t think the gentle press of lips there was his imagination.

“I still can’t believe that you’re… okay with that,” Elliot said, voice still soft. “That it’s not—that you’re not—” there was a noise of frustration, and Nikolai waited it out. “You like me even with the stuffed animals,” Elliot said at last.

The end of that sentence came out squeezed, and Nikolai felt a flash of anger how close it sounded to despair. He didn’t need the graphic details of Elliot and Vitale’s history to guess the man had made more than a few pointed comments about Elliot’s love for stuffed animals.

If Nikolai hadn’t just freshly killed the man, it would have been another reason to.

“Hey,” Nikolai said, hand stroking Elliot’s arm, “I like you. I like your friends. They are good for you. Is no problem having them here. I want you feeling good.”

Elliot pushed up from his place, turning over to look at Nikolai. He was smiling, and Nikolai’s heart turned over in his chest. “And you say you’re not nice.”

Nikolai reached out to stroke Elliot’s soft cheek, to tuck a bit of hair behind one ear. “Not nice,” Nikolai said. “Just wanting to treat you like you deserve.”

Elliot’s lashes fluttered, and Nikolai couldn’t help but draw him in.

The kiss was soft and slow and sure. Elliot tasted minty, like toothpaste, and opened easily to him. Nikolai had never been with anyone who pulled this tenderness out of him. Who made him want to be soft. But he liked it. Liked that he could be soft for Elliot.

The seconds spun out, long and luxurious. Nikolai felt a twinge of his lip from the injury, but pushed it aside. When they pulled apart to breathe, Nikolai reached blindly for Sheep.

“You deserve all good things,” Nikolai said, and he grazed Sheep down Elliot’s bare arm.

Elliot’s breath trembled, and he let out a tiny, thin moan, eyes falling shut.

Instantly Nikolai felt himself harden. How could he do anything else, seeing Elliot allow Nikolai to bring him pleasure?

“Are you wanting Sheep to take care of you?” Nikolai asked, voice hoarse. He brought Sheep up to Elliot’s neck, nuzzling there.

“Ah,” Elliot’s moan was still soft, but Nikolai cherished every sound he could draw out. Elliot had spent years making himself still and small and silent. Nikolai was looking forward to getting to encourage Elliot to be louder. “Yes. Yes a-and—”

“And?” Nikolai asked, using Sheep to pepper kisses down his neck.

“And you too, to–to touch me, this time,” Elliot said, ducking his head.

Oh.

Nikolai swallowed down his own hungry sound. “Yes, okay,” he said fervently.

Then he thought about logistics. He’d have to use Sheep with his injured hand, freeing up his other for this important task.

“Here,” he said, shuffling back to the pile of pillows against the headboard to raise himself up, then gesturing Elliot closer.

Elliot sidled up as he had been, lying on his side and tilted into Nikolai.

Nikolai switched hands so that Sheep could kiss up Elliot’s arm as Nikolai’s good hand landed on his back.

“Like this?” Nikolai murmured.