Page 56 of Pistols and Plush Toys

It was nice. Easy in a way Elliot had never experienced before.

They never touched though. Nikolai sat on the opposite end of the couch and never tried to decrease the distance.

But every night, after Elliot had brushed his teeth and gotten into bed, Nikolai would come to his door.

“I’m wanting to say goodnight to you and Max and Sheep and Apricot,” he’d say. Sometimes they’d have a conversation, but sometimes it was just that. Just a sweet good night to Elliot and his stuffed friends.

Elliot went to bed each night with the sweet ache of that in his chest, one that grew a little bit bigger every day.

He knew he shouldn’t let it, knew that all of this was temporary, but he couldn’t seem to help his longing.

Telling Xander that he and Nikolai were dating as though it were real had opened up a door that Elliot couldn’t seem to close.

Maybe… a part of him didn’t want to close it.

By the time Wednesday arrived, Elliot worried that seeing Xander in person would only make his longing worse. That talking to his friend and pretending like Nikolai actually was his boyfriend would be making it too real for himself too.

But he couldn’t tell Xander the truth. Certainly not yet. Maybe not ever.

So for the time being, Nikolai… was Elliot’s boyfriend.

“Okay, so I don’t want to scare you,” Xander said in a hushed voice after they’d put in a drink order and the waitress had left. “But there’s a guy across the diner who came in right after us, and he keeps looking over here.”

Elliot’s heart immediately leapt into his throat. Was the man one of Mattia’s men?

It took all of him not to turn and look. “What does he look like?” Elliot asked, low and nervous. He bit at his lip and had to force himself to stop.

Xander also looked nervous, reaching to fiddle with the silicone music note necklace he was wearing. “He’s blond, with short, sort of buzzed hair and a leather jacket. Um, earrings. Mid 40s?”

Leather jacket–

“Is there a rainbow pin on the jacket?”

Xander had been keeping his eyes down, but he waited a second and then glanced up. “Oh, uh, yeah? I think so?”

Elliot’s shoulders dropped, and he let out a long whoosh of air. “Okay. Um, that’s just Gerard. He’s… he’s Nikolai’s friend. And mine now, I guess.”

“Oh,” Xander said, frowning in confusion. “But… why is he following you?” He leaned forward, whispering. “Are you okay?”

Elliot let himself turn to look, just to be sure it really was Gerard. Because if the guy Xander was talking about was one of Mattia’s men, then—then they were in a crowded diner, so the guy couldn’t do anything to Elliot. And Alex had driven Elliot here, and was close by.

Elliot would be okay.

But there Gerard was, now chatting with the waitress to put in his order. The relief Elliot felt at that was enormous. Not only that Mattia’s influence wasn’t following him around, but that Nikolai had asked Gerard to watch Elliot’s back.

It meant a lot, that Nikolai wanted to protect him. That he’d ask even his closest, most trusted friend to make sure Elliot was okay.

Elliot turned back to Xander who was starting to look upset. “It’s okay,” he said again. “It’s just, um, that my ex isn’t taking the breakup well.” Elliot hesitated, then added. “He sort of jumped me one night when I was by myself.”

Xander sat back against his seat like he’d taken a physical blow, his eyes wide. Then he leaned in quickly to hiss, “What the fuck! Your ex–”

His eyes drifted across Elliot’s face. The bruising had gone down significantly in the last few days, more yellow than purple or green, and so Elliot had forgone the makeup on his face, though he was still wearing high-neck sweaters to hide the bruises on his throat.

Xander hadn’t asked about the bruising, but now it was clear he was painting a vivid picture in his own head.

“Yeah so…” Elliot swallowed hard. “So Nikolai and Gerard are sort of looking out for me for a little while. I’m sorry, is that too weird?”

Xander blinked rapidly at him, fingers fiddling with his necklace. Elliot had thought that talking about it in texts would make this part easier, but he still felt the shame, the humiliation.

“It’s not too weird,” Xander said quickly. “But… are you safe ? From your ex? Fuck, Elliot, I had no idea.”

“It’s okay,” Elliot said, looking at the table. It was hard to face Xander’s reaction. Elliot had spent so long without anyone in his corner, and some part of him still thought that no one would care. “Nikolai is… helping me deal with him.”

“Okay. Okay.” Xander fiddled with the necklace closer to his mouth, tapping it against his lips. “So you’re like, pressing charges? Getting a restraining order?”

There was no way to tell him that any legal ramifications were impossible when it came to Mattia, so he just nodded. “Yeah.”

Xander blew out a breath, falling back against his seat once more. “Okay, well, I’m glad you’ve got Nikolai in your corner. And me too, okay?” He said, face determined. “If you need anything, anything, I’m here. Just text me, call me, whatever, okay? I’m serious.”

The kindness of the offer made his eyes prick hotly and Elliot had to blink quickly to stop it. He didn’t want to cry in the middle of the diner.

Xander seemed to pick up on that cue immediately, and he perked back up, the worry wiped from his expression. “Here, maybe we should talk about something else?”

Elliot bobbed his head, reaching for his water to take a sip and gather himself.

He hadn’t expected it to hit this hard, sharing with someone, being understood and even offered more support.

He hadn’t talked to Xander in years, and yet here he was, their friendship picked right back up like it never stopped.

“Okay, right!” Xander nodded. “So! Like I said, I’m coming up on my one year anniversary at Blue Snake?

Not to say that Melrose was bad or anything, it was great when you were there, but it was really going downhill.

Especially after Eddie left and we ended up with that kitchen manager on a power trip. ”

Elliot nodded again. Xander had told him as much when they were texting. “Yeah, that really sucks. But I’m glad you’re at Blue Snake now. You’re enjoying it?”

“Yeah! I’m really glad I applied.” Xander grinned. “Blue Snake pays better than like… anywhere else I’ve ever worked. I’m actually almost finished paying off the credit cards from Caleb.”

“Credit cards?” Elliot asked, confused.

Xander paused. “Oh shit, wait, I didn’t tell you about Caleb.”

“Your… boyfriend?” Elliot asked. He remembered a Caleb. But why was Xander paying off his credit cards?

“Ex,” Xander spat with no small amount of ire. “Okay, so update time! Remember all those nice gifts Caleb used to get me? All those fancy dinners and concerts we went to?”

Elliot nodded. Xander loved music and going to concerts. He remembered now him and Caleb going to them often. And hadn’t Caleb been big on taking Xander out to nice dinners and showering Xander with gifts? Elliot tried to recall what he could.

Caleb had been blond and all-American looking. Nice, but uninterested in anyone who wasn’t Xander. He’d been a model boyfriend, at least on paper.

“Yeah, well, as it turns out, he paid for all that with credit cards,” Xander said, glaring. “That he took out in my name.”

“What?” Elliot gasped.

“Yeah.” Xander sighed. “I only found out because I was trying to get a loan for a new car after mine died and my credit report came back with all of this debt on it. He’d opened up and maxed out, like, five credit cards in my name. Thousands and thousands of dollars.”

“Oh my god,” Elliot said. “That’s– what the fuck?”

“Right?” Xander took an angry sip of his coke. “And when I asked him, Caleb just said that we ‘needed’ the money.” Xander made air quotes. “And he couldn’t take out credit cards in his own name because his credit was fucked, but mine was ‘great’ so…”

“That’s awful,” Elliot said. “Oh my god, Xander.”

“We didn’t even fucking need the money,” Xander growled. “He was buying stupid shit, those trips and gifts. I didn’t fuckin need that! But I did need a fucking car, and couldn’t get one.”

“Holy shit,” Elliot said. “What–I’m so sorry–”

“Yeah.” Xander let out a long breath, “I wish I had realized what was going on. But whatever, it’s over. I broke up with him and moved out. I had to move back in with my parents because I didn’t have any money, but–”

“No,” Elliot gasped, horrified. He remembered that Xander and his parents didn’t get along.

They’d always wanted Xander to take the route of math or science, and he’d always been more the side of arts.

They were extremely critical on the best of days, and he’d moved out of their house the minute he’d turned eighteen to escape their influence and guilt.

“Yeah,” Xander sighed. “So that’s been super fun. But anyway! Back to positive news, with Blue Snake I’ve been able to make a lot of headway. I’m actually pretty close to paying off all the debt now, and then I can actually save up for an apartment.”

“That’s—but—you can’t get Caleb to… pay it back?

” Elliot asked helplessly. He didn’t remember every detail about Xander and his parents, but he remembered distinctly how, before Xander had moved in with Caleb, Xander had struggled to make ends meet and worked so hard to pay his bills.

He’d said he’d rather live off of ramen than be under their roof.

The idea that he was back there was terrible.

“I did actually go see a lawyer when I first found out,” Xander said, back to playing with the music note necklace.

“But she said it would be really expensive and difficult to prove I didn’t authorize those purchases, especially since a lot of them were things I used or enjoyed.

Like I could definitely go that route, but it would just be a lot of time and money, and no guarantee they would even make him pay all of it back.

And honestly… I just didn’t want to see his face anymore. ”