Page 72 of Pistols and Plush Toys

“No, I—you should not be apologizing to me. I’m… bad guy,” Nikolai said with feeling, trying to press into every word that this had nothing to do with Elliot, and everything to do with him.

“What?” Elliot said, sounding taken aback for all he still looked miserable. “Nikolai no—you’re not… you’re not a bad guy. We… we talked about this.”

“I’m dangerous,” Nikolai clarified. “My life, my business.” He looked away. “It hurt you. And you’re saying you… you didn’t want last night. I—”

“That’s not what I said,” Elliot said in a rush, shaking his head.

Nikolai was so surprised to be interrupted that he fell silent.

Elliot never spoke out of turn. “Nikolai, that’s not what I was going to say.

I was going to say I wouldn’t have if I’d known I had made you uncomfortable.

” Elliot swallowed but he kept eye contact.

“I-I loved last night. It was… it made me feel…”

Nikolai held his breath.

“It made me feel special,” Elliot said, voice wet.

“It made me feel wanted without making me feel trapped. And I… I wasn’t terrified you’d hurt me, or hold anything over me.

I wasn’t waiting for you to call me names.

It was the first time in years someone touching me felt good, and I wasn’t just waiting for it to be over.

And—and if you regret what we did because it’s something you didn’t want, then I should be the one apologizing to you, not the other way around.

” Elliot finally broke eye contact, as if saying his next sentence was physically painful.

“But if you’re feeling guilty because you think you…

took advantage of me, that’s not how I see it. ”

“No?” Nikolai asked, voice as small as it had ever gotten.

“No,” Elliot said emphatically, peeking back up at him. “And you said that you’re dangerous, but I-I don’t know why that matters so much. I’ve worked for you for weeks and things have been okay.”

“You’re having to go out with guards,” Nikolai said heavily. “Even when you see your friends, even when you’re working. Is too much. Is… is like with Vitale.”

Elliot actually glared at him. “You’re nothing like Mattia,” he said. “Mattia didn’t let me go out or have friends. Are you going to tell me I’m not allowed to see Xander anymore?”

“No, never,” Nikolai said, frowning.

“And what if I wanted to apply to work at a restaurant?” Elliot asked.

“I’m would miss your cooking,” Nikolai said. “But you would need protection—”

“Nikolai, I want to cook for you,” Elliot said with conviction. “I like cooking for you. And I’ve… I’ve been thinking about it. About if I wanted to work somewhere else.”

Nikolai nodded morosely.

“And I like being a private chef,” Elliot said, now with a cautious smile.

“It means I get to be creative with my meals and ingredients and that I’m not limited to a set menu.

It also means I don’t have to deal with the stresses of a busy restaurant kitchen.

What I like is cooking. For people who will appreciate and enjoy my food.

I don’t care where I do it. I was… I was even thinking, as a way to keep a bit busier…

maybe asking you if you wouldn’t mind if I tried to find other private clients. ”

“For… cooking in their house?” Nikolai asked carefully.

“Yeah,” Elliot said. “Not the way I cook for you, but I’ve been looking into it?

And what a lot of private chefs do is go over to their client’s house and meal prep.

For a morning or an afternoon and just make lunches or dinners for the whole week.

And that sounds fun. I think I could. And I have experience now, with working for you.

” Elliot gave him a hopeful look. “So I could… I could still cook for you, and just go out in the mornings or afternoons to cook for my clients. And then come home to you. And—and you could send someone with me, to drive me, if you wanted.”

“Oh,” Nikolai said, taken aback. Elliot had put thought into this. Real thought.

Into having a future with Nikolai in it.

A new thought wriggled its way into Nikolai’s head. Because who was Nikolai to make the choice for Elliot, that Elliot couldn’t be with him? Wasn’t that also just another way of making a decision for Elliot, instead of letting Elliot make the decision for himself?

“And so… I guess…” Elliot licked his lips.

“What I’m trying to say is that I’ve… I’ve been really happy here.

With you. And I want to see where things go.

If you want. Even if, um, even if we never have a repeat of last night.

I just… I like you, Nikolai. I like living with you and cooking for you.

So—so please don’t send me away unless you really want to. ” Elliot breathed out. “Okay?”

“I… I’m sorry,” Nikolai said, the words punched out of him. His phone, sitting on the table, started buzzing, but he ignored it. “I–I think about Vitale, how he treated you. Think maybe I’m like him. Hurting you.”

“You’re nothing like him,” Elliot said fiercely. “Even… even when we first met, when I was so scared, you were nothing like him.”

“And you… want to be with me?” Nikolai asked. Agonizing, tentative hope fluttered to life in his chest. “Even with my business, is okay?”

Elliot smiled, soft and sweet, hope blooming on his face too. “If being with you is an option, I’d very much like that.”

Nikolai took a breath and leaned forward in his seat. “I—”

Nikolai's phone cut him off, ringing loudly with the emergency tone.

They both froze, staring now at it. Nikolai cursed and snatched up his phone. Gerard. Who should be asleep, it was way past his bedtime.

He put the phone to his ear. “What?” He barked out.

“Our information was wrong,” Gerard said briskly. “Mattia landed two hours ago. But we know where he’s headed. You want me to deal with this, or do you want to take Elliot home and head the charge?”

Fuck.

Gerard had been up all night, and this was Nikolai’s score to settle. He felt the adrenaline pour into his veins, a calm readiness flowing through him.

“Wait for me,” Nikolai said. Then he hung up. Meredith and Gerard had his location, so they’d be able to track him back home.

He turned his attention back to Elliot, who looked concerned. “Is happening now,” Nikolai said apologetically, “I’m sorry, we need to go.”

“It’s happening–” Elliot’s eyes widened. “Mattia?”

Nikolai nodded, starting to stand. Elliot squared his jaw and stood.

“Okay. Okay,” Elliot said, like he was trying to psych himself up.

Nikolai dug out his wallet. Their food hadn’t even arrived yet, but he peeled out a few bills and dropped them on the table. Then his hand found the small of Elliot’s back and he ushered him from the restaurant.

Already his mind was compiling a plan of action. Get Elliot home, assemble his men, follow Vitale. Get Vitale and put a bullet through his head.

And don’t die while doing so. Meredith had stressed that last part.

“I’m taking you home and will leave you with Pyotr,” Nikolai said as they strode for the exit. “Okay? You will be safe, and I will finish this.”

Nikolai found the valet slip in his pocket as they stepped outside, guiding Elliot toward the stand.

“And… you’ll be careful?” Elliot asked. His face was full of worry again, and Nikolai hated to see it again so soon.

But at least now they were in the final stages. This would be over one way or another before long.

Before Nikolai could answer, a gun jammed itself into his spine.

He was all too familiar with the sensation and so recognized it immediately.

Suddenly there wasn’t just the valet there, but four men.

Two had guns on them, and as soon as Nikolai felt the one pressing into the spine, his eyes went to Elliot, who he found in a similar position.

Rage flowed through him. How dare they. How dare they bring Elliot into this. Hadn’t Nikolai just promised that Elliot would be safe?

These men had made a liar out of him in minutes.

Nikolai would destroy them.

A third man stepped in to relieve Nikolai of his things, but he only had a spare set of lockpicks, his wallet, and his phone in his pocket. The fourth man, a man dressed in a valet uniform, was on the phone, talking in rapid Italian.

These were Vitale’s men.

Dread dropped through Nikolai so fast it was almost paralyzing. He’d never felt anything like it. He’d been in a number of dangerous situations before, but he’d never been there with someone like Elliot. Never been there with someone he was so worried about.

Then a black car was pulling up to the curb.

“Move,” one of the men said when the door was opened, jamming the gun into Nikolai’s spine. “Unless you want to be responsible for pretty boy getting a bullet.”

Nikolai doubted Vitale would let any of his men kill Elliot, but he also wouldn’t gamble on it. Plenty of abusers took the if I can’t have you, no one can route, and they’d been actively working to piss Vitale off.

Nikolai wouldn’t risk Elliot.

They both got in the car.