Page 76 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Nikolai held him as he cried, rubbing his back and murmuring to him about how good and careful and brave Elliot had been.

Elliot pressed his face to the bare skin of Nikolai’s chest, grateful and guilty that he was still here.

He didn’t want to be glad that a man he’d once loved was dead, but he was just so…

so relieved, and he cried about that too.

Cried to be glad that he never had to worry about Mattia hurting him or anyone else ever again.

Nikolai held him until the sobs died down, until his breathing went from hiccuping gusts to a steady rhythm. It was only when he kept sniffing and pulled back to get a tissue for his face that Nikolai let him go.

“Thank you,” Elliot hiccuped. Dr. Williams was nowhere to be seen. “S-sorry.”

“Crying is okay,” Nikolai said gently. “Always is okay. Is not something you say sorry for.”

“But you’re the one who was hurt,” Elliot said, feeling pathetic.

Nikolai shook his head. “Is not just me Vitale hurt,” he said, touching Elliot’s shoulder. “Something does not need to bleed to hurt.”

Elliot sucked in a great, heaving breath.

“Come,” Nikolai said softly, his good hand slipping down to take Elliot’s. “Maybe shower now? It would feel good to be clean.”

Elliot nodded and let himself be led through the house. They went to Nikolai’s bedroom, and then to the bathroom, before Nikolai let go of his hand.

“I will get things for you, okay? You take nice shower. Wash off bad morning.”

Nikolai started to turn, and Elliot reached out, pausing in midair before he touched Nikolai. “Don’t—!” He stopped, embarrassed at the urgency in his voice.

But Nikolai only paused. “Don’t?” He asked, encouraging.

Elliot’s breath shook in his lungs. “Please d-don’t leave me.”

“I won’t leave you,” Nikolai said firmly, immediately stepping closer to him. It sounded like a promise. “I’m here as long as you’re needing me.”

“Then…” Elliot trailed off. He knew they needed to get clean, but maybe–maybe they could do it together? Elliot didn’t want to let Nikolai out of his sight. Needed to be with him, needed to help. “Then let’s—let’s get clean?” Elliot asked tentatively.

He saw Nikolai freeze, eyes widening before he hurriedly nodded. “Okay.”

Nikolai moved to the shower and Elliot let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, focusing on getting undressed as Nikolai turned the water on.

He hadn’t been covered in blood like Nikolai, but Nikolai had bled on Elliot when he’d held him, and the smell of fear sweat clung to Elliot’s skin.

Elliot worked slowly with shaking fingers, looking up only when he noticed Nikolai undressing in his periphery, sliding his dress pants down.

Then they were both naked.

Nikolai gestured toward the shower, and Elliot went.

Nikolai’s personal shower was larger and nicer than the others Elliot had used in the house. The shower head above them was wide and allowed them both to be under the water’s spray.

“Wait,” Elliot said when Nikolai plucked a washcloth up from an alcove in the far wall of the shower. “Let me, please.”

Nikolai might still be numb from the lidocaine, but the less he moved the better, right?

Nikolai stared at Elliot and then swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Whatever you want.”

Elliot reached for the cloth, glad to be able to help again.

He took his time, working diligently to clean Nikolai’s ravaged body.

Over and over, he soaped up the washcloth and rinsed it out, as the water from the shower turned pink from the last of the blood washing down the drain.

Elliot was especially gentle around Nikolai’s face, hands, and rib cage, taking care to not put any pressure on the hurts.

Nikolai was silent through the process, but his expression was rapt, watching Elliot’s every move.

Elliot focused on doing a good job, refusing to let his mind wander over to the realization that they were both naked together, the most intimate Elliot had yet been with Nikolai.

This wasn’t the time or place for those thoughts.

When Nikolai was clean, Elliot had him sit on the small shower bench built into the far wall so that he could wash Nikolai’s hair.

Nikolai sighed as Elliot started to work the shampoo through his hair, the first sound he had made since the shower had started.

Elliot couldn’t help the smile that sprung forth at hearing it, a small indication that he was helping make Nikolai feel good.

He spent extra time washing Nikolai’s hair, rubbing down the nape of Nikolai’s neck, and around the ears into the temple, pressing his thumbs in as Nikolai made little contented sounds.

After Elliot directed Nikolai back under the spray to rinse out the shampoo, he quickly soaped himself up and washed and rinsed his hair.

He held his hands under the spray when he was done with the rest of him, scrubbing at his nails.

There was blood stuck in the cracks and crevasses and he wanted it gone.

He needed to be clean. Didn’t want even a speck of blood left behind to remind Elliot that Nikolai almost—that he almost—

“Elliot,” Nikolai said, carefully taking his hands after a little while. “All clean. Okay? All clean. Time to dry off.”

“Okay,” Elliot whispered, blinking rapidly, forcing himself to look away from his hands.

Nikolai reached back to turn off the water, then led Elliot out of the shower by the hand. He retrieved a towel from the alcove, then turned back to Elliot, holding it up.

Elliot reached a hand out to take it, distantly realizing he was shaking. Nikolai frowned and stepped close, beginning to towel Elliot dry.

“Your arm—” Elliot started.

“I’m okay,” Nikolai said as he gently wiped the towel over Elliot’s damp skin. Elliot’s protests died in his throat. “We’re both here and safe.” Nikolai met Elliot’s eyes. “I’m very glad you’re here with me.”

“Me… me too,” Elliot said. “I’m glad I’m here with you too.”

Nikolai nodded and pulled back only to pluck a robe off a nearby hook. He held it open, and Elliot stepped into it, wrapping himself up. The robe was big—made to fit a large man like Nikolai, and so it swamped Elliot’s slighter form.

He liked being wrapped up in it.

Elliot watched as Nikolai dropped the towel into a hamper and picked up another, toweling himself dry with much less care. He wrapped the towel around his hips when he was done, then reached out and took Elliot’s hand to lead him out of the steamy bathroom.

In Nikolai’s bedroom, Nikolai directed Elliot to sit on the bed, then strode into his closet. He emerged with two sets of T-shirts and drawstring pajama pants, offering one to Elliot.

The clothes hung on him, too big, but Elliot liked wearing them almost as much as he liked wearing the robe. It was nice to wear Nikolai’s clothes. It was like he was wrapped up in Nikolai.

“I’m thinking we are both tired,” Nikolai said, after he had dressed and had hung up his robe. “Maybe it would be good to rest for little bit?”

Elliot felt like he was about to collapse whether he wanted to or not. “Okay.”

Once again Nikolai took his hand, though this time he led Elliot around the side of the bed.

Elliot watched as Nikolai turned the covers down and then, at Nikolai’s head tilt, Elliot climbed the extra height and into the bed.

Nikolai went around to the other side, touching a switch on the bedside table that dimmed the bedroom light and drew the shades.

There was the sound of plastic and tape in the silence.

Elliot looked in the dimness to see Nikolai taking off the covering on his arm.

Then Nikolai climbed in under the covers, and Elliot shuffled in close, needing to touch him, needing to feel the warmth of Nikolai’s skin, the steady working of his heart and lungs.

His eyes fell shut as Nikolai’s arms curled around him, the injured one set over him gently.

“I have you,” he thought he heard Nikolai whisper into his ear, but Elliot was already drifting off.

***

Elliot woke slowly, the grogginess lingering. He was aware first of a hand in his hair, a pleasant tingling of nerves as fingers worked from the nape of his neck up, and then back down. He made a soft sound of pleasure and pushed into the touch.

Someone chuckled above him, low and deep and all-over fond.

Elliot forced his eyes open and met Nikolai’s gaze. Elliot’s head was in his lap, and Nikolai was stroking his hair, blue eyes filled with soft affection.

“Nikolai…?” Elliot’s voice was rough with sleep.

“How you are feeling?” Nikolai asked. His thumb pressed into a muscle behind Elliot’s ear and Elliot’s lashes fluttered. Fuck, it felt so good.

“I’m… I’m okay.” More of his brain came back online and Elliot remembered what had happened prior. His eyes went to Nikolai’s other arm, which was resting at his side, bandaged. “But—your arm—”

“I’m okay,” Nikolai assured him. “Doc stitch me up, remember?”

Right. Right. “And the pain?” They’d come right from the shower to bed, and Elliot hadn’t remembered to grab the pills Dr. Williams had left.

“Coming back, but I’m thinking would be good to eat first. Can you eat?”

Food was so far from Elliot’s mind, but he hadn’t even had breakfast today. He should probably at least try. “Maybe.”

“I’m thinking I’m want burgers,” Nikolai said. “From diner I like. Is okay?”

Nikolai’s hand traced to the front of Elliot’s hairline, and then gentle nails scraped over his scalp.

“Do they have milkshakes?” Elliot asked tentatively. He might not be able to eat a burger right now, but a shake might be doable.

“Yes,” Nikolai said. His hand lifted off of Elliot, reaching for the bedside table. The table now had two cell phones, one of which Elliot recognized as his own. “Alex, he’s bring them to me,” Nikolai said when he caught Elliot looking. “You want yours?”

“No, that’s okay,” Elliot said. He was glad to have the phone back, but didn’t think he was ready to look at a screen.