Page 30 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Elliot set the bottle of lubricant on the bedspread and started to get undressed. His hands were shaking, and he hoped Mattia wasn’t looking too closely, even as he felt his gaze on him. There was no way to make himself stop trembling—all he could do was try and barrel forward.

Get through this.

Still, he was aware as his clothing came off how acutely Mattia was looking at him. Was he looking for evidence? Was he looking for more reasons to be angry?

He was always looking for more reasons to be angry.

But his time at Nikolai’s place had been relatively peaceful, and any markings he’d carried from the abduction those first few days were gone now. The most obvious marks Elliot was currently wearing were from Horatio.

Who Mattia had sent.

It took no time at all to strip himself bare of the flimsy sleep shirt and boxers he’d been wearing when Horatio had pulled him from his bed.

Once that was done, Elliot picked up the bottle of lube and crawled onto the bed.

He moved himself so that he was straddling Mattia, because he knew that was what was expected of him.

Then he leaned himself back on his heels to sit up.

“Maybe I should’ve made you shower first,” Mattia said suddenly.

Elliot froze. Mattia reached for him, fingers grabbing at Elliot’s jaw and forcing eye contact.

“Do you need to shower first?” The words were sneered. “Or is there anything else you need to share about your time with the Russians?”

“N-no,” he said in a small, tight voice. “No, I—” He would be stupid not to know what Mattia was insinuating. “I didn’t… let them.”

“You sure about that?” Mattia asked. His fingers were pinching uncomfortably at Elliot’s chin, and the eye contact was painful, but Elliot didn’t look away.

“I promise,” Elliot heard himself say. “I’m all yours.”

It must have been enough, because Mattia let go of Elliot and leaned back down on the bed, folding his arms up under his head. “Good. Get yourself ready then. You’re going to ride me.”

Elliot nodded, biting down on his lip so hard that the pain distracted him from the burning behind his eyes. He couldn’t cry now. He couldn’t do anything but show Mattia how—how grateful he was to be home. He couldn’t risk anything else.

He uncapped the lubricant, poured some into his palm, and forced himself through the prep, quick and efficient, heart thundering in his ears.

“That’s enough,” Mattia said eventually, the sharpness of his voice making Elliot jolt. “Show me why you were worth all the trouble to bring home.”

Elliot nodded. He felt himself pulling inwards, backing away from reality, leaving his body to work on autopilot. He’d done it like this dozens of times before, and it was sickeningly familiar. He’d just disappear, close himself away so he could get through it.

His thoughts quieted as he started to move, as he followed the barked directions. He let his eyes flutter closed, as if in pleasure. It made it easier, not to have to see anything.

Time spun out, untethered. The air in the room was thick and he tried to block out Mattia’s grunted pleasure.

This was going to be his new life now. Without any of the na?veté and glamour he’d been holding onto before. Everything about Mattia had been stripped to its bare bones, and all of it horrified him.

He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this.

He had to. What was he going to do? Run away?

Mattia would never even let him step outside again. His penthouse was like a fortress, and if he locked Elliot in…

Viciously, Elliot shoved those thoughts away. He felt on the edge of breaking just contemplating it. He couldn’t think about the future. There was just this, whatever moment he was in now, and the task of getting through it.

“I thought I told you to show me that you’re happy to be home,” Mattia said all of a sudden. Elliot’s eyes flew open, and he could see the anger there. “But you don’t look very happy. I’m not seeing any enthusiasm here, babe.”

Oh no.

Mattia’s face clouded further, voice going dark. “Makes me wonder if you did get up to something when you were with the Russians. There’s not a mark on you—why is that, El?”

“I—” It was all Elliot could get out before his throat closed up.

“Doesn’t look like you put up much of a fight,” Mattia sneered. “Were you lying to me? Are you sure you didn’t let them have you?”

“No,” Elliot gasped out. “I-I didn’t!”

Mattia growled and shoved him off, using his speed and strength to put Elliot on his back on the bed. Elliot made a surprised sound, but Mattia was up a moment later, bullying himself between Elliot’s legs.

“No?” Mattia said, punctuating the word with a thrust, his fingers digging into Elliot’s hips, hard enough to bruise. “You didn’t let them fuck you?”

Elliot shook his head fanatically. “No, I promise.”

Mattia glared down at him. “Why should I believe you?”

“I wouldn’t,” Elliot forced out, unable to stop the tears now. His breath was coming too short, panic swelling to fill his chest. “I would never, Mattia, please—”

“Are you really going to cry right now?” Mattia snarled. “Fucking pathetic. Do you know how much time and money I put into getting you out of there? Into bringing you home?”

Elliot gasped on a hiccuping breath. He didn’t know what to say, how to pacify him. Maybe there was nothing he could say.

“I’m sorry,” he choked on a sob. “I’m sorry.”

That only made Mattia angrier. “You haven’t even begun to be sorry,” he snapped.

“You were already trouble,” Mattia’s hands came up to wrap themselves around Elliot’s throat.

“Even before you got yourself taken, you weren’t cutting it.

Maybe that’s on me. Maybe I just need to be harder on you, make sure you learn this time. ”

The hands around his throat tightened, and Elliot choked on reflex.

Mattia’s eyes were like flint, staring down at him.

There was a dark glee there, one that Elliot had seen before, but he knew now just how cruel that side of Mattia could go.

Pure terror zipped down his spine, and his heart felt like it was trying to run away in his chest. He tried to suck in a breath and couldn’t with the hands squeezing around his neck.

“Yeah,” Mattia said with dark pleasure. “We’ll just start over. I’ll make you better. Some tough love.”

Elliot could barely concentrate, mouth gasping for air he couldn’t get. Spots danced in his vision.

Was this–was he–?

“Because you’re mine,” Mattia hissed, the words dripping like poison from his tongue. “And you always will be.”

Thoughts tried to convalesce and then crumbled. There was no space left in Elliot for anything. Mattia was bearing down on him, crushing him into nothingness.

Darkness spread at the edge of Elliot’s vision, and he tried to make any sound, but couldn’t. He was at Mattia’s mercy, but it didn’t seem like he had any mercy left for Elliot.

Then there was only darkness.