Page 37 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Despite all the poking and prodding, Elliot liked Dr. Williams. He was friendly and efficient, and they got through the entire checkup in under an hour.

It had been… uncomfortable to give both a urine and blood sample, and even harder to allow someone to get close enough to his side and ribs to check to make sure nothing was broken. But Nikolai had said he trusted Dr. Williams, so Elliot made an effort to be compliant.

He tried not to think too hard about the fact that Nikolai had also trusted Horace . Horatio.

Nikolai, who had told him in no uncertain terms that it would never happen again. Who had given him Sheep. Touching his bruises so carefully with Sheep’s soft nose. “овца is sorry that you were hurt.”

So Elliot had fought down the unease and let Dr. Williams look him over.

He did see the merit in doing it. He—he very much wanted to know what his test results would be.

He’d never thought about it before, because he and Mattia had been in a stable, long-term relationship.

He hadn’t even considered that Mattia might cheat on him.

But there were a lot of things Elliot hadn’t considered possible when it came to Mattia.

The positive side to that horrible thought was that, despite the bruising, Dr. Williams assured him that it didn’t seem like anything was seriously wrong. He’d need time to heal, to stop feeling the ache, but arnica cream and painkillers would help.

And… thinking of the arnica cream…

Once Dr. Williams left, Elliot flipped back his covers where he’d hidden Apricot and Sheep. He picked Sheep up and cuddled him close, memories flooding back of that morning. The way that Nikolai had come into his room, offering the stuffed animal with a hopeful caution.

What he’d done afterwards, when Elliot had faltered…

Sheep wants to help , he’d said in that low, accented voice of his. It had sent shivers up Elliot's spine. Not only that Nikolai had been offering care, care and comfort, but that he’d chosen to try to do it with something as soft and simple as a plush toy.

Accepting that aspect of Elliot, and then using it to give Elliot something precious.

“What’s with the baby toy?” Was the first thing Mattia had said upon seeing Apricot, tone heavy with derision. “What the fuck do you have this thing for?”

They’d been going through Elliot’s things during Elliot’s move-in, and Mattia had been making a pile of all the items he’d said Elliot was “too good” to keep.

In the pile were clothes Elliot was comfortable in and battered but well-loved cookbooks.

Elliot remembered fumbling under Mattia’s judgmental stare.

It had been earlier in their relationship and he’d wanted so much for Mattia to find him worthy.

“It’s sentimental,” he’d said. Like an apology.

Mattia had snorted. “It’s seen better days, El. Here, let me toss it for you.”

And he’d thrown Apricot into the trash bag.

Elliot had had to wait nearly an hour for Mattia to leave the room on a phone call to dig Apricot and the cookbooks out. He’d hidden both in one of his old backpacks, stowing it in a secondary closet that Mattia never used.

He’d been careful after that to ensure Apricot never made another appearance.

It was astounding to see the difference in how Nikolai had reacted to Apricot, even all those days ago when Elliot had been a prisoner in his home.

He hadn’t said a single disparaging word about the toy.

He’d even later given Elliot a gift in the form of Max the bear, and that was when Elliot was still being used as a bargaining chip.

Now he’d given Elliot Sheep, too.

Maybe that was why Elliot had decided to be brave and show Nikolai the marks Mattia had left on his body. Why he’d been able to strip off his shirt and bare himself.

He flushed all over again to remember it. The way Nikolai had then put Sheep to his skin, brushing over all of his injuries as though dropping kisses there.

It had felt… intimate. Even though Nikolai hadn’t touched Elliot with his own hands, he’d still touched Elliot. So softly. In a way that had somehow made Elliot feel like he was worthy . Like he actually deserved to be treated with… with gentleness.

When was the last time he’d had someone treat him gently?

Elliot pulled Sheep onto his lap, stroking his fingers through its fluff. It was different from Apricot, its fur fluffier, woolier, especially around its round, squishy middle.

And Sheep was so soft. Elliot found himself stroking over and over the fur just to relive the sensation of Sheep’s nose stroking across his skin.

Nikolai had been so careful with him, easing the tension out of his shoulders as Sheep inspected his hurts. It had made Elliot want to weep from the tenderness of it.

The only time Nikolai had touched him with his hands had been to spread the bruise cream.

He’d been careful then too, covering the bruising but not lingering.

Not turning the moment into something inappropriate.

Not taking advantage of Elliot’s vulnerability.

He’d been so grateful for it. So glad to not have something new to fear.

The cream had helped, too. Sinking into his skin and chasing away the ache.

Elliot set Sheep down in his lap and picked up his new phone. He still couldn’t really believe that Nikolai had gotten him one. It made anxiety roil within him, because he couldn’t pay Nikolai back for it. And he already owed Nikolai so much.

He knew what Mattia would have expected of him, for such a gift.

But Nikolai wasn’t Mattia. They were nothing alike. And nothing about Nikolai’s actions had made Elliot feel as though the man… wanted something from him.

Nothing except…

I’m wanting you safe.

Elliot swallowed. Suddenly he felt jittery with the desire to do something. A way he could give back to Nikolai for his kindness, for offering safety and Sheep and—everything. Something to show gratitude, appreciation, even if it was something small and insignificant, just like he was.

His gaze shifted to the door. He hadn’t left the room on his own yet, despite not being locked inside.

Taking a deep breath, Elliot tucked Sheep back under his covers with Apricot and got up out of the bed, apprehensively moving toward the door.

He crept out of the bedroom with the feeling like he was doing something wrong, practically holding his breath as he tip-toed through the house. He didn’t want to be too loud, never wanted to be too loud, and Nikolai had said Elliot wouldn’t be disturbing him, but this was still Nikolai’s space.

He’d just check the living room. And if Nikolai wasn’t there, he’d retreat back to the bedroom—his bedroom—but Elliot could at least check a common area.

When Elliot reached the living room, he quietly let out the breath he was holding to find Nikolai there. He couldn’t dream of bothering the man in his own room or his office, but if he was out in the open like this, maybe he’d be okay with Elliot interrupting him.

Still, Elliot hesitated. Nikolai was facing away from him, sitting on a long, comfortable looking sectional with a laptop in his lap. He was tapping at his computer, brows furrowed in concentration, and he was in short sleeves again, his muscled biceps and forearms on display. As were his scars.

Elliot swallowed at the reminder of the violence Nikolai had lived through. The terrible way he’d been treated as a child, how it still followed him now, into adulthood. Nikolai’s life was one filled with violence. Violence and pain.

But he’d been furious at the thought of innocent people being hurt, when Mattia had blown up his store. He’d seemed… upset over the fact that Elliot had been hurt by Mattia as well.

And he’d treated Elliot so carefully, every touch gentle.

For a long moment, there was only the sound of tapping on the keyboard and the gentle sound of Nikolai’s bracelets clinking together as he typed. Then Nikolai seemed to feel the presence of eyes on him, and he looked up from the screen.

“Elliot,” he said. He sounded surprised but not upset. “Everything okay?”

Elliot nodded. He was still standing awkwardly in the entrance to the living room, so he made himself step in.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing at his arm. “Um, Dr. Williams left, and I was just thinking… it’s lunch time.”

“Oh, yes?” Nikolai's eyes flickered down to his screen, then back to Elliot. “You are hungry?” He asked, sounding… hopeful? “I’m can order something.”

It took everything in him not to fidget. “Actually, I was wondering if I could cook something? For us?”

“Are you hurting?” Nikolai asked, frowning.

“I mean, it’s not—it’s not that bad,” Elliot said in a rush.

“And I’d, um, I’d like to cook. If I can.

” He could do more resting in his room, but he wanted to do something.

And Nikolai didn’t cook. This was something Elliot could offer him, something that even…

even had value. Nikolai had liked it when Elliot had cooked those few times before.

It was something Elliot could do that wasn’t completely worthless.

“If you are wanting to cook, you should cook,” Nikolai said easily. Like it really was that simple. “Meredith had grocery delivered, but I don’t know what it is. I’m still have work, but you need something else, you tell me and we can order it.”

“I’ll be fine with making something from whatever you have,” Elliot said quickly. “I won’t have to bother you.”

“Is no bother,” Nikolai said firmly. “Is good for you, cooking. Makes you happy. Also maybe you eat better, when you make it. So you should have anything you need to cook what you want.”

Elliot stared at him, stunned. The utter kindness in those simple words rocked through him, leaving him breathless.

Nikolai continued, “I’m not in charge of grocery, that is Meredith. Since you are staying for now, you two should talk about it. Then you can order anything and not have to wait for me.”