Page 64 of Pistols and Plush Toys

He typed up a quick summary of his request, wording it carefully so Meredith would know he didn’t want to pursue it if it would cause problems. He read the message over three times, then hit send.

He set his phone back down and reached for the floss. Just as he was finished up, his phone buzzed.

From Meredith.

Meredith: I don’t think his father’s place is as impenetrable as he makes it seem. I have one of his family’s contacts in that area, I can reach out and see if anything can be done. I’ll be discreet, don’t worry.

That was more than Elliot had expected. A giddy kind of excitement exploded in Elliot’s chest. If there were recipes, and he could get them–!

Nikolai would be so surprised. Elliot could recreate a recipe no problem, and Nikolai could finally have his grandmother’s food again.

He forced himself to take a calming breath. He needed to not get ahead of himself. There was no guarantee that the recipes even existed. For now it was best to put it out of mind, until Meredith got back to him.

Elliot: Okay, thank you! Have a good night!

Leaving the bathroom, Elliot went to his bed, pausing in front of it. Okay.

How should he do this?

Fezzik’s arms were poseable, he knew. And he wanted… he wanted to be held.

Easing under his covers, Elliot arranged Apricot, Sheep, and Max on one side of him, with Fezzik at his back on his other side. Cheeks heating, Elliot then settled one of Fezzik’s arms around his waist before he clicked off his lamp.

Cuddling up with Fezzik in the dark, his thoughts suddenly jumped to lying like this with Nikolai. Nikolai was big, bigger than Fezzik, and he was warm and solid and strong. But he was also so very gentle and careful too, giving Elliot space and time whenever Elliot got spooked or startled.

He probably gave amazing hugs.

Elliot let out a slow breath. Stop thinking about it. It was laughable to think of someone like Nikolai being interested in someone like Elliot.

He rolled over, toward Fezzik, eyes squeezing shut.

The weight of the bear’s paw was still around Elliot’s waist, and when he pressed into Fezzik’s body, it enveloped him because the bear was so big. The fur was soft when he rubbed his cheek against it, starting to warm from Elliot’s own body heat.

He sighed, tugging on Fezzik until more of his weight shifted on top of Elliot. And that was nice. Almost like another person in his bed. Big and solid and—

Stop thinking about Nikolai.

“Now I think maybe, you want time with Fezzik?”

Hot shame went through him, because hearing Nikolai’s low, amused tone, almost conspiratorial, just made Elliot think about what he’d done with Sheep. How he’d used Sheep to—

It was wrong what he’d done with Sheep. Wrong that even now the desire was twisting around inside him with Fezzik half-lying on top of him, so soft and warm. He pressed his eyes shut tightly. He didn’t want to do anything bad, but it was just so nice like this, the cocoon of softness on top of him.

It would probably feel even nicer if Elliot could touch more of his fur at once. Just to feel that soft fluff against his skin…

His fingers trailed down to the hem of his shirt. He wasn’t going to do anything else. He just wanted to feel Fezzik’s soft warmth against his skin.

Then he would go to sleep.

Elliot stripped his shirt off, careful not to move too much for his bruised side. While most of the color had gone down, there was still tenderness. He set the shirt aside and curled back underneath the blankets, rolling into Fezzik’s fur.

A shiver went down his spine at the touch, so deliciously soft and big. Elliot nuzzled his face into the bear’s chest, and pulled Fezzik’s arm back down over him.

In the dark, it was almost as if there was a real person there with him. Someone big and warm and soft, touching him—

A small, helpless sound escaped him and his fingers dug into the fur surrounding him, pulling Fezzik in as Elliot rolled onto his back so the full weight of the bear was on top of him.

He shivered again. It was like a weighted blanket, but better. He was being held but also held down, but with Fezzik it was the farthest thing from scary. Fezzik was safe.

He squirmed just to feel the fur brush against his skin.

The whole day with Nikolai had been like a dream. Elliot had thought the dates they’d gone on previously were nice, but the festival had felt different. They’d done nothing but walk around and look at things, but Nikolai made it feel special. Made him feel special.

Elliot could still feel the gentle hand on the small of his back. The patient way Nikolai had indulged Elliot by looking at any stall he wanted to. His sweet words when he’d bought Elliot Fezzik, and how supportive Nikolai had been.

Elliot shifted again on the bed, but this time his hips pushed up, pressing against Fezzik’s lower body. There was a sharp jolt of pleasure.

He froze. That—he wasn’t doing that.

Elliot groaned and rolled over again, this time face down on the bed, but that wasn’t any better. Now the bear was behind him, all that weight pressing him down. And like this it was easier to imagine it was a person instead of a stuffed toy. That the paw on the small of his back was a hand.

Nikolai’s hand.

Fuck.

He rolled back over, throwing his hands around Fezzik’s neck and hugging him tight. He made a low, wanting sound against the fur, nuzzling his face there again. It just felt so nice. So soft.

And Nikolai had got him for Elliot to enjoy, hadn’t he? He hadn’t intended—this. But—

“Now I think maybe, you want time with Fezzik?”

Elliot gasped and his hips moved again. The shock of pleasure was the same, thick and syrupy in his body. He struggled against it, against what he should do and what he wanted.

This was bad, but—

But no one had to know.

Elliot started to move his hips against Fezzik again.

Tentatively at first, and then with intention.

He breathed hot against the bear’s fur, digging his fingers in around Fezzik’s neck.

He liked that he could wrap his arms around Fezzik and hold onto him.

It was such a different experience from Apricot or Sheep or even Max, who’d been the biggest previously.

Fezzik was massive. He covered Elliot in the best way, and the weight of him was another layer of pleasure. Fezzik wouldn’t keep holding him if he wanted it to stop. Fezzik was safe, just like Nikolai was safe—

Elliot gasped, the thought coming unbidden of Nikolai holding him down in this way, letting Elliot grind against him so he could bring them both pleasure. The picture of it made him burn, hips bucking up out of his control as he started to harden.

He should stop. He should stop. But instead he nuzzled into Fezzik’s fur, hands clutching tight as he squirmed underneath the bear.

It felt so good, fuck. Before he came to Nikolai, when was the last time Elliot had felt good? Or been treated like he was interesting, or had value?

He gasped again, shuddering and trying to still his hips. He had to be quiet. His bedroom door was closed and Nikolai’s room was down the hall, but it wasn’t impossible that Nikolai might hear him. He’d come to Elliot’s room before when he’d heard Elliot having nightmares.

What if… what if he heard Elliot now and came to his door?

Elliot bit at his lip to keep the moan in as his hips pushed up. Pleasure and heat were building in his core.

If Nikolai opened the door, what would happen? He—he wouldn’t be angry, no, nor disgusted, Elliot was sure. Nikolai was too good for that. Too gentle with Elliot, to act cruelly.

Maybe… maybe instead, Nikolai would be curious. Like how he’d turned to look at Elliot when they’d paused in front of the stuffed animal stall. Like he was there, if Elliot wanted to share. Open, if Elliot wanted to let him in.

Elliot wanted to let him in.

Then what? Would he sit beside and watch? Or would he touch Elliot with Fezzik like he had the other animals?

“Is what you like?”

Elliot could hear the thick tone of Nikolai’s accent, feel the warm weight of his gaze. He turned and buried his face against Fezzik, cheeks burning as his hips kept moving.

His boxer-briefs were still a layer of fabric between him and the fur, and he desperately wanted to shove them down and away, to let his skin slide against that soft body. But he couldn’t let himself.

His whole body kept moving, his nipples peaked and sensitized by the fur. It was a slow boil, just enough to tease, just enough to get lost in.

“Easy.”

It was Nikolai's voice again in his head. With his eyes closed, Elliot could imagine his presence beside him. The way he’d watch, steady and without judgment. Maybe with eyes full of interest.

A full body shudder went through him, and he bit his lip harder on another moan. No, Nikolai wouldn’t—he didn’t want Elliot like that. Nikolai was good and kind, but he wouldn’t—he didn’t want Elliot.

The fur had grown wet where Elliot was panting against it, and it stuck to his cheek.

Every move of his hips brought new zips of pleasure through him, and the ache of want cracked open inside him.

Maybe Nikolai wouldn’t think he was bad for this.

He’d just clean Fezzik up afterward, make him as good as new, like he had with Max after Elliot had been taken. Elliot could—

Elliot squirmed underneath the bear, his heartbeat a rabbit kick in his chest. He held Fezzik tight, moving beneath him, muffling his sounds within the fur.

If Nikolai ever touched Elliot, he would be so soft with him.

He’d felt Nikolai’s hands on him a few times now, guiding him along or smoothing lotion onto his bruises.

He’d always been attentive and gentle. If Elliot wanted it, Nikolai would pull him close and press him down and praise him as Elliot lost himself to pleasure.

Elliot did want it. He hadn’t wanted anything like this in so, so long, but it was like a pulsing, live thing under his skin. It was the warmth burning him through, the ticklish sensation of the fur. It was the idea that he might share this with someone and not be hurt by it.

“ Show me how good you are feeling, sweetheart. How good Fezzik and I take care of you…”

Elliot moaned, undone at the thought of Nikolai holding him and Nikolai’s voice in his ear. His hips kept up his desperate motion, pleasure throbbing through him, and he started to come, biting his lip to stifle his cries.

It went on and on, longer than when Elliot actually touched himself. Certainly longer than he ever had with Mattia. It was as though he’d been coaxed to fullness, and now everything inside of him was pouring out.

By the time the aftershocks faded, Elliot was dry-throated and wrecked. His knees ached from where he’d unknowingly bent them, and he was sweaty and sticky everywhere.

He wanted nothing more than to just lie there under the heavy weight of Fezzik, but he couldn’t risk falling asleep. He needed to clean up and change.

He groaned as he pushed the bear off and cool air rushed in. With it came the guilt. A deep pain that Elliot had done something he shouldn’t have. Something bad.

Because who did that with their stuffed animals?

I did, Elliot thought, stomach sinking. Twice.

First with Sheep, and now Fezzik. While fantasizing about Nikolai.

Fuck.

Elliot forced himself up, went to clean up in the bathroom, and then changed into a new pair of briefs and pulled his shirt back on.

When he climbed back into bed, this time he made sure Fezzik wasn’t touching him. He clearly couldn’t trust himself.

But he still couldn’t stop himself reaching for Apricot and drawing the giraffe into his arms. Stupidly, he wanted to apologize to him. Apologize to all his stuffed toys. He didn’t understand what was wrong with him. Why he kept doing this.

Especially when he knew he shouldn’t.

He curled up underneath his blankets with Apricot and fell into a fitful sleep.