Page 77 of Pistols and Plush Toys

Nikolai talked through ordering food in a low, soothing tone. Elliot closed his eyes to focus. He drifted in it, sighing when Nikolai finished with the order and his hand moved back to playing with Elliot’s hair.

Eventually Nikolai roused him again. “Food is here. We should get it, okay?”

Elliot liked that ‘we’. He still didn’t want to let Nikolai out of his sight. They got up out of bed slowly, and shuffled together out of the bedroom. Elliot found himself watching Nikolai, making sure he was moving okay.

The bags of food had been left on the dining room table, and they grabbed them along with Nikolai’s pain medication. Nikolai looked over at him, and then tilted his head back the way they’d come.

They returned to the bedroom.

By unspoken agreement Nikolai put on Checklists, and the two of them curled up in bed together to eat. Elliot got the milkshake down, and more of his hunger returned. He ended up eating half an order of onion rings and most of a burger, and Nikolai finished twice that.

They went through episode after episode. Nikolai didn’t suggest leaving the bed, and Elliot was glad. Eventually they’d have to leave this room, this house, and face everything that had happened, but for right now he was happy to be cocooned here with Nikolai.

Elliot started to get sleepy again after a while. He hadn’t looked at his phone, but he knew several hours had to have passed, if only for how much TV they’d watched.

“Would it be okay if I stayed here tonight?” Elliot asked when the next episode of Checklists finished. He was tilted into Nikolai, head partially leaning on his shoulder.

“Yes, of course.” Nikolai said. “I’m would… like it if you stayed. If I knew you were safe.”

Elliot felt the same. “Thank you,” he said with a relieved sigh.

“But we should get your friends, maybe,” Nikolai said a moment later. “So they aren’t lonely without you.”

Elliot hadn’t even been thinking about his stuffed animals, but the fact that Nikolai had made his heart clench.

“Okay,” he said.

Nikolai paused the TV from playing the next episode, and they slowly started to detangle from each other. Nikolai suggested brushing their teeth first, and Elliot agreed. Once he got back in bed, he couldn’t imagine himself getting up again to do so.

They went back into Nikolai’s bathroom, and Nikolai retrieved a fresh toothbrush under the sink for Elliot.

They made quick work of it side-by-side in the dual sinks, and when he was finished, Nikolai took the toothbrush and put it in the holder next to his own.

Elliot felt a warm burst of happiness seeing it there.

When that was finished, Nikolai took his hand and led him to his room down the hall. There they collected Apricot, Sheep, and Max. Fezzik was left behind for being too big, but Elliot made sure he was tucked in nicely.

They returned to Nikolai’s room and climbed back into bed. As Nikolai laid down and wound an arm around Elliot to tuck him close, he reached for Sheep.

“Today was scary,” Nikolai said quietly as he brought Sheep up to nuzzle Elliot’s cheek. “But you were so brave. So smart.”

Elliot ducked his head at that. “I didn’t do anything,” he mumbled.

“This is not true,” Nikolai said. “You were so brave.” Quieter he said, “You let him hurt you, so he would not hurt me.”

Elliot shivered. “I just wanted you safe,” he whispered. “I knew he’d kill you a-and make it hurt, and I just thought if I could buy more time—”

“So good and smart and brave,” Nikolai said, pressing Sheep’s soft nose to Elliot’s shoulder as his piercing blue eyes met Elliot’s hazel ones. “My good, brave Elliot.”

Elliot sucked in a breath, goosebumps breaking out over his skin. “I… I’m so glad you’re okay. That he… won’t hurt anyone anymore.” He meant it, but it was hard to say.

“I’m glad too,” Nikolai said.

This close he could feel Nikolai's warm breath. Elliot bit his lip.

“No biting, Котик,” Nikolai said gently, pressing Sheep to Elliot’s cheek again.

“Sorry,” Elliot said, letting go. A half laugh, half sob came out of him. “Sorry,” he said again, voice thicker, “I’m just so glad… I’m so glad everyone’s okay.” Then he realized he wasn’t sure. “Everyone’s okay, right?”

“Yes,” Nikolai assured him. “Polina was only one who was shot, and you saw her. She is fine.”

Elliot nodded. He didn’t like that she’d been hurt, but he was glad he had seen her. That none of it had gone worse.

Sheep pulled away from him, and moments later Nikolai reached out. Slowly, giving Elliot plenty of time to pull away.

He didn’t.

Then Nikolai was cupping the side of his face, his thumb swiping away a tear that had fallen. There was barely any space left between them.

“Will you keep me?” Elliot asked, apropos of nothing. They’d talked about it in the restaurant, but that seemed like so long ago. So much had happened. “Do I… do I still get to have you?”

“Always,” Nikolai rasped, like a promise. His thumb wiped gently back over Elliot’s cheek.

Elliot’s hand found its way to Nikolai's shirt. The fabric was soft, like Nikolai had owned the shirt a long time. Elliot took hold of it and tugged Nikolai closer and then leaned forward that last bit of distance.

Nikolai’s lips met his in a soft, tentative press. It was a gentle question, asking if this was really what Elliot wanted.

He’d never wanted anything so badly.

Elliot’s hand slid up to Nikolai's neck, finding a spot there to hold on, to urge Nikolai closer.

It was clumsy, the first kiss. It had been so, so long since Elliot had kissed anyone with anything resembling desire. He’d forgotten the feeling, the swell underneath his breastbone where his whole body tuned in.

Nikolai didn’t rush him, letting their kisses spin out soft and sweet. He tasted like toothpaste and warmth and the pleasure of it wound slowly between them. But Elliot knew he couldn’t take things further, even though he burned to. It had been a long day and Nikolai was still injured–

Nikolai was still injured.

Elliot pulled back with a gasp. “Your face,” he said in distress.

“My face?” Nikolai's voice was deeper, rough. His eyes were dark. “What is wrong with my face?”

“You’re hurt. I–and your lip–” Elliot couldn’t believe he’d forgotten. He’d been looking right at Nikolai and had still gotten carried away. He had a split lip and kissing had to hurt. “I’m so sorry–”

A chuckle cut him off. “Is okay, Котик. I took the pain medication. It does not hurt. Even if it did, I would be stabbed many more times to kiss you more.”

Elliot’s breath stuttered. “Nikolai,” he said, not sure if he was aghast or delighted.

Nikolai laughed again, then leaned forward, eyes intent. “Can I kiss you more, Котик?”

Heat flooded Elliot’s face and he pulled Nikolai back in, kissing him.

This time there was more heat to their kisses. It felt like coming back alive, his heartbeat picking up, the warmth filling every part of him.

His body arched against Nikolai, wanting more. It was like the cap on a bottle had come free, and the rest of the jumbled feelings of the day were spilling out. These weren’t sad or scared, they were doused with the need to keep hold of this man, to feel alive with this man.

Nikolai gave a tentative lick at the seam of his lips, and Elliot sighed, letting him in. Nikolai's tongue slid against his, hot and wet. Elliot shivered.

Immediately, Nikolai froze, then withdrew.

“No, I’m–I want it,” Elliot said, clutching at Nikolai’s shirt.

Nikolai kissed him soft, thumb brushing Elliot’s cheek again. “You are sure? I’m not wanting to hurt you.”

“You wouldn’t—couldn’t hurt me,” Elliot said, and he meant it.

Nikolai kissed him again, fiercely now, tongue slipping back into Elliot’s mouth, tasting him. Elliot heard himself make a thin sound as he pressed closer still. He felt like he was made of butterflies.

The kisses stayed slow, spooling out between them. It was exciting the way Nikolai held him close, like Elliot was precious. He’d never been kissed like this before, and he sank into it, not wanting it to end.

After a long, long time, Nikolai pulled back. “Elliot.” His voice was a low rasp, and Elliot felt a pulse of arousal just to hear his name like that. “We should stop before I’m going too far.”

Elliot licked his own kiss-swollen lips.

“Are you stopping because you want to, or because you’re worried about me?” Elliot asked.

Nikolai’s hand pet through his hair and down to his nape. “I’m not wanting to do anything that hurts you.”

“You’re not hurting me,” Elliot said. He pressed a kiss to Nikolai’s cheek. “Will you trust me to tell you if you are?”

“Yes,” Nikolai said at once. “I’m sorry, I am wanting to trust you, I’m just…” he trailed off, his brows knitting together.

Elliot reached a finger up to smooth over them, and the lines of Nikolai’s face softened. “I know,” Elliot said. “You’ve been taking care of everyone for so long, it’s what you fall back on. But you don’t scare me or hurt me. You make me feel good. I can remind you as many times as it takes, okay?”

He watched Nikolai swallow, felt the tenderness of his gaze. “Okay,” Nikolai said hoarsely.

“So it’s okay if we…?” Elliot’s hand wandered down Nikolai’s face to his throat, and to the hem of his shirt.

“Whatever you want is okay,” Nikolai said. His good hand reached to cover Elliot’s. “What it is you want?”

Elliot knew he needed to put at least some of it into words. He needed to be brave.

“I want to be close to you,” Elliot said. “I want…”

His thoughts went back to the night before, to the way Nikolai had made him feel good. He wanted that, but more. He wanted it to be both of them. He wanted to feel as close to Nikolai as he could get.

“I want you to be with me this time,” Elliot said.

“Okay,” Nikolai said, smile curling around his mouth.

“And I don’t want anything between us.” Elliot felt his face flame saying that, but his fingers tugged at the hem of Nikolai’s shirt meaningfully.

“Okay,” Nikolai said again, as if it was that simple.