Page 8

ALEX

“Thanks for the food.” Noel’s appreciation comes out sweeter than the baked goods we ate. It's annoying. He catches up to me with a shaky smile that's full of apprehension and twiddles with a stupid string on his jacket.

I walk to the front door, only pausing so Noel can catch up to me while he says his goodbye.

He follows me out, and I unlock the doors to my car, both of us not saying anything while we get situated. It’s tense now that we’re alone, and I can feel his unease.

I break the silence when I see his shaking hand.

“Calm the fuck down; I'm not going to suddenly whip my dick out, doe eyes.”

His head swivels as he looks at me, incredulous at my audacity in bringing it up. I smile and enjoy making him blush.

“The teasing ends now.”

I'm pleasantly surprised by the demanding outburst. "Aww, c'mon, I thought we were pals.”

“I'm going to rip your tongue out of your mouth if you don't stop teasing me.”

“Kinky. Promise?”

“I promise you'll choke on your blood,” he threatens me darkly.

“Can I choke on something else?” A smirk forms, lifting one side of my lips as I watch his face redden at my innuendo.

“Shut up, Alex. Don't ever play with me like that again.”

“Sure thing, doe eyes.”

“And what’s with that name? doe eyes? Are you making fun of me?” He squints, accusatory.

“It’s your new nickname.” I turn my head as I back out of the driveway, arm resting against his backrest. “Suits you better than Stargazer, I think. Your eyes are as wide and innocent as a deer caught in headlights, you know? Like you’re about to be run over.” I look over at him with a salacious grin.

He remains frozen, staring out the window. He stays silent the rest of the drive. When I pull over to let him out in front of his house, I speak first, breaking the silent treatment he’s been giving. “Is it just a car battery you need?” My eyes stay forward, a hand sifting through my hair.

“It doesn't concern you.” He opens the door to get out and pauses, his good manners winning out in the end. “Thank you for the ride,” he reluctantly says.

“Noel–” I try and shift my teasing into something serious as I say his name to explain that I want to help him with his car situation, but he storms off.

I decide it's best to leave it be for now.

When I get home, I pass out, not getting up again until the next morning to make some food, and then I go back to bed. When I check my phone the second time, I find it's three o'clock in the afternoon, and Commander Kendo Demon Assassin’ s first episode releases at seven. I need to text Noel to see if he'll still come over to watch it.

Odds aren't looking good.

Noel seemed to take my advances as if I were playing with him in some weird joking way. I mean, sure, I guess I did offer it up as a game, but that wasn't my intention. I was testing the waters. Figuring him out.

His gaze was soft as he stared at me with those too large brown eyes. After I offered to bust his nut, he still thought I was fucking with him. But he didn't seem to hate it. I could feel his trembling body and could see the way his hands shook. The whimper he let loose when I almost kissed his neck. If Grady hadn't come outside when he did, I think Noel would have let me do it.

I smirk and pull up our text thread.

Alex- CKDA at my place tonight? I'll pick you up at 6:30. As for your car situation, tell me what you need, I’ll pay for it.

I wait. Grabbing my sketchbook to pass the time, I draw anime characters for an hour until my wrist starts to ache and decide to shower, all while listening for my phone to ding.

I groan and watch as water cascades over my body, my head tipping back as I rub at my face.

I hear the ding of my cell and almost slip in the damn shower. Shit! I shut it off and force myself to calm the hell down before I kill myself.

I wrap a towel around my waist after drying off and walk over to my bed.

The text reads:

Noel: Maybe we should just stick to fencing practice. And no thank you, I don’t need you to pay for anything because you feel guilty about what you did.

“Oh, stubborn, aren’t we?” I say out loud.

Alex: I’ll tell you about my trip to Cali if you come over. And I won’t tease you again. Scouts honor. I’ll give you my bank info, use it. I don’t feel guilty for anything because I wasn’t teasing *smiley face*

It takes a full thirty minutes for him to respond.

Noel: It’s impossible for you to not tease me.

I groan and drop my head down.

Alex- I won’t tease you or mess with you. We’ll just watch anime. And please, I want to pay, I'm being serious.

He texts back quickly, surprising me.

Noel : I'll expect you at my house at 6:30. I don’t want to miss the anime. I’m not waiting if you’re late.

He doesn't acknowledge my offer to pay, so I call him.

It goes to voicemail.

I call again.

After the fifth ring, he picks up.

“What?” he answers softly.

“Hello, doe eyes, how are you this evening?”

He sighs into the phone. “Why are you calling me?”

“Because you never answered me about taking my card info. Just get your car fixed, Noel. It's not that serious. I have a credit card for a reason. It's not a big deal for me at all. So, use it.”

He doesn't say anything for a long pause, and I think he's about to refuse me again, but he doesn't.

“Fine… but only this one time. I think the battery is like—”

“Doesn't matter. Just get it.”

He scoffs. “Thank you.”

He sounds like he really means it, which doesn't surprise me. He's a kind person. “You're welcome,” I say with a growing smile. “See you tonight.”

“Uh, yeah. Tonight. I'll see you then. Just to watch anime, okay? Nothing else.”

“Of course, Noel. I wouldn't dare do anything else to you.” I press end and bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

Driving over to his home, I park on the street and make my way over to the front door three minutes before the time he gave me to be there. Noel slips out in a dark purple hoodie that's CKDA merch, a size too large, but I like the baggy look on him. It swallows him up. On his head is a plain blue beanie. He sidles up next to me, finally making eye contact.

“Hey,” he says roughly, like he's unsure of how to greet me.

I show off my teeth when I smile warmly. “Hi, doe eyes. Nice hoodie.”

He blushes, looking down at his sneakers while ignoring the nickname. “Thanks. I just got it.”

I hum, stepping a little closer into his space. “I've got one similar. It's black.”

“Not surprising.” He chuckles lightly, the tension in his body relaxing at the easy banter.

“Let's go; it's freezing out tonight. They're calling for a snowstorm, so if you need anything, grab it now.”

His head tilts to the side, brows furrowing in thought. “What do you mean? I'm not staying over at your house.”

“Oh sure, if it freezes the road's, I'll make sure to bring you home, bud. Nice and safe.”

“But—” He tries to come up with something to say but he can't. “We were just supposed to watch anime and be done. I can't stay at your house. Especially with what happened last time…”

“I already told you I wasn't going to mess with you.” His jaw clenches. “What, don't believe me?”

He looks back at his house for a long second before facing me again, blinking owlishly. “You really mean that? No games or teasing?”

“No games. Maybe a little teasing.” I hold up my thumb and pointer finger to indicate a little.

“Alex,” he scolds me, and I chuckle under my breath.

“Yeah. Got it. No teasing.”

“ No teasing. And nothing inappropriate.” His cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink.

“What do you mean?” My head tilts to the side as I watch his face. “Ohhhh—” I say, overly exaggerated. “You mean like how I offered to choke your chicken?” I use my hand to motion a hand job crudely.

His eyes dart around like he really wants to flee. “ Yes!” He whisper-shouts at me, and I laugh out loud. “Don't talk like that. Your jokes aren’t funny.”

“Who says I’m joking?” I ask around a growing smile, raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up, Alex.”

Noel is hilariously oblivious. “My mouth gets the best of me sometimes.” I shrug. “Why are you so red?” I step a little closer to him. “Am I too much for you? Or just not your type?”

“My type?”

“Yeah.”

“I don't have a type, and I don’t like anyone. ”

Now that gets my attention. He shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets, stretching it out while glancing down at my boots and back to my face. Like a pinball machine. Boots, eyes, boots, lips.

“Elaborate.”

“Can we get in your car at least? It's freezing out.”

He shuffles off to open the passenger side, slipping in. As soon as I sit, I crank the heat, watching him settle into the cushion, tugging down his pockets while biting at the inside of his cheek.

“So?” I ask blandly while checking blind spots and pulling out.

“I don't have a type.”

“No cute girls take your fancy?”

“No.”

“Okay, boys then.”

“No…”

I nod thoughtfully. “Mmm.” Cranking up the audio that's connected to my phone, I change the album to something light and not so heavy, knowing Noel probably doesn't enjoy music that's too loud when we’re having a conversation. After a while, he speaks up.

“Do you—” he hesitates, biting at his lip, “think that's weird?”

I could easily make a joke, but this isn't something I want to joke about. “You shouldn't give a shit about what others think of you,” I tell him. “If you don't like girls or guys, or anyone. That's just who you are. If someone has an issue with it, tell them to go fuck themselves and punch 'em in the nose.”

I see a faint smile before he turns back to the window, and my chest clenches.

NOEL

“Um, so where is your…?” He keeps walking, and I follow down the long, wide hall until we reach the movie room.

“Have no idea where Sophia is.” He slides open the double doors, and I enter behind him. His hooded eyes continue to watch me with amusement. “Why? Afraid to be alone with me?”

I blush under his scrutiny. “Don't be stupid.”

He chuckles while sliding the doors shut and locking them. And my heart picks up, loudly thumping in my chest at the sound of the click. I'm really alone with him.

It's just us two, in a dark room.

I can do this.

“It's not like you like boys, so no need to worry.” His grin morphs into a sneer. “But if you did, my mother wouldn't care if I fucked around in here anyway.”

Okay, I can't do this.

“Alex! You made a promise!”

He holds both hands up in a placating gesture to calm me down. “What did I say?” he yells with a big smile on his face.

“I told you nothing inappropriate! No jokes!”

“Was that inappropriate?” His head tilts to the side. “Okay, my bad, that one just slipped out. Let's get this shit started. Go pick a seat.”

I sigh and turn, facing the large sofas that make up the theater's seating, and choose the very middle, directly facing the center of the projector screen. I sit down and watch Alex turn the screen on with a tiny remote before coming up to sit beside me, legs spread open wide, leaning back with his arm behind my headrest.

The speakers burst with the opening song of my favorite anime, and just like that, my attention is on the screen. It's better than I'd thought, watching the opening on a screen this crisp and colorful. I'm enraptured by it all.

Alex's hand behind my head distracts me for a moment when it squeezes the cushioned back and I glance at him.

His eyes are on me. Watching me with a calm, almost serene expression. “Yeah?”

He blinks before his eyes meet mine. “You're smiling. And, like, shaking.”

A hand comes up to my mouth, embarrassed that he caught me actively stimming. “Y-yeah. It's the opening song; I get excited.” I huff a self-conscious laugh, turning back to the screen. I haven’t had to shove down my excitement before, hiding my true reactions to things. I’m usually alone in my room.

“You don't have to be embarrassed,” I hear him mumble because he's right beside me. “I'm excited too. I like that you can be yourself right now.”

I peek back at him, letting him see me smile again. “Yeah?” I ask, hesitant at the honesty he is displaying.

Alex smirks in the dim lighting. “You don't have to be afraid to weeb out around me. I fucking love this shit. Just keep being yourself around me. It's nice.”

I laugh softly as he watches my mouth. Looking away, I shift around, my body instantly relaxing into the couch. This is the Alex I remember. The one I could be myself around.

We both turn our attention to the screen, finally starting, and for the next hour I'm completely immersed into the anime, gasping, laughing, and transfixed on all of my favorite characters.

Shinso Kendo is the main character, a boy with long, icy blond hair and littered with scars. The other main character is Narushiki. They're the same age and best friends. Narushiki is an outcast in the village because there's an aura he exudes that the village is scared of. When demons show up in the night and kill Shinso’s parents, including all the other people in the village except Narushiki, they vow to get revenge together.

Until it's revealed that the demons are Narushiki’s parents and are Gods, making Narushiki a demon as well.

Shinso then tries to kill him, devastated that his best friend is a monster. Narushiki becomes Shinso’s sworn enemy, and the anime follows them as they continuously try to kill one another, all while saving people along the way.

It's my absolute favorite anime, and I'm obsessed with it.

When credits roll and the ending song starts to play, I look over at Alex. He's still watching the screen but senses me staring and peeks over with a sly grin. “Shit. That was good.” Turning his head to meet my face, I can't help but explode on him.

“That was incredible!” He chuckles quietly. “What did you think of the new character? He's so interesting; I hope we get more of his backstory.” Giving me a quizzical look, he snorts before shaking his head.

“You should watch Dreamkills; you'd love the main character in that if you liked that guy.”

“ Dreamkills ? I haven't seen it, but it looks good from the manga panels. I uh- saw some of the fan art when I went to Anime Con last year,” I admit slightly embarrassed. He doesn't show any signs that he's weirded out by that and I relax with that knowledge. Maybe I really can be myself around him? Like I used to?

He grabs the tiny remote and presses a button that pulls up the anime home screen, where he scrolls down, finding Dreamkills and clicking play.

“Let's watch it.”

“Are you sure? It's getting late. We could save it for another—”

“Are you having fun?”

The light from the screen shines just enough on Alex's face for me to see the hopeful spark in his eyes, even though everything else reads bored and unamused.

And that's what makes my decision.

Alex wants me here. I just watched my favorite anime with him . I didn't once think about how much I currently despise him.

“This is the most fun I've had in a long time,” I tell him.

He hums. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“You still hate me though.” I don't say anything to that. He grins while staring at me with siren eyes that seem to be tying a rope around my neck and drawing me closer to his grasp. I'm twitching to look away but unable to. “Hate me all you want, Noel. It only makes me want to fuck with you more,” he says all too smoothly, his voice calm like an ocean wave receding.

Not a beat passes before I reply back. “I'll fuck with you right back then.” It comes out way more snarky than usual. Almost threateningly.

He blinks, and my eyes must be playing tricks on me because his cheeks look pink, like he’s blushing. In a huff that sounds like a laugh, he bites his lower lip while shaking his head and then settles back into a comfortable position. He brings a hand up to run through messy strands, cracking his neck. “Let's watch this. If the roads aren't bad after this episode, I'll take you home.”

I take a deep breath before responding. “Okay. But before we start, can you tell me about California?”

Alex shifts around to get comfortable again, the easy, relaxed version morphs into the cold and closed-off Alex. “My father lives there. I have to make visits to see him. All part of the deal I made when I came here to live with Sophia.”

I nod, not quite understanding his story yet. “And Sophia is your mom…?” He nods. “Why do you call her by her name? Why did you decide to move in with her?”

“That's a long story.”

“Shorten it.”

Alex surprises me when he chuckles, thinking it over with a tilt of his head. “My father—” he stops and then starts again. “This year I got into a bad fight with him and moved here without her permission. But she eventually gave in, allowing me to stay, so I guess it's a good thing I just ran off.” He snorts.“And if you haven't already guessed, I call her Sophia because she's a shit mom, and she insists I call her by her name, too. After their divorce, she didn't fight for custody at all. She was happy to be rid of me.”

“What the hell? What's wrong with her? How could she do that to you? I'm sorry, Alex, that's terrible.”

“Yup.”

I shake my head, dread in my gut. “I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Was your fight with your father… really bad?”

He chuckles darkly at that. “Not the worst fight I've had with him.”

He doesn't elaborate. “So, you went to visit him recently? Because of this deal you made?”

He hums. “He had an important event I needed to be present for. His image is important. Although I'm not sure where his nineteen-year-old girlfriend fits into that.”

I give him a disgusted look.

We’re quiet for a long time. Alex seems distracted, looking down at the couch with his brow furrowed in anger and his mouth set into a frown. I swallow back the words I want to say. Sitting on my hands so I don’t reach out to comfort him. I want to hold his hand. It’s a struggle to stay still.

“If you ever get lonely, I can come over,” I mumble quietly. It’s so fucking hard to watch him struggle. I don’t understand him, but I want to help. I’ve always wanted to be there for him in any way I could. To see him smile; to know I was the reason he laughed.

“Lonely,” he repeats the word as if testing it. His cold stare doesn’t affect me like he probably thinks it does. I watch him shamelessly, showing him just how much I really mean what I say.

I’ll be there when no one else is.

He can have me.

I’m the first one to drop the eye contact, breathing a little bit heavier for some reason.

“Let’s start this.” His voice is rough, almost ragged. It’s fragile in a way I haven’t heard from him before.

“Yeah,” I breathe out softly.

We watch Dreamkills.

When it ends, he gets up to check the weather outside. He comes back into the theater with a hard, closed-off look. “All good to go.”

I smile, a little sad to see the evening end, but thankful for having another memory to add to my list. “Thanks, Alex,” I whisper.

His face softens with my gratitude, knowing he understands that it's more than just thanks for driving me. It's thanks for the entire night we spent together. “Let's do it again sometime.”

I get up off the couch, and as I'm passing him by, I stop, lowering my voice to speak. “I meant what I said.”

His eyes watch me closely. “I know you did.”

I nod, and we both drop the conversation, leaving it for another day.

ALEX

I skip school and spend the day in my room, drawing.

It's one of those bad days, and I can't go to school while it’s like this. Especially today.

Sophia is still at her boyfriend's, and I haven't seen her since that day Noel came over for practice. Well, whatever the case, good riddance. Maybe she'll stay with her boyfriend until graduation, and I can live out my senior year here without feeling like a burden.

Ace texts me asking where I'm at, but I shoot off a text that says, “Doin' your mom,” which makes him pissy.

Levi also texts me.

Gay for Ace: Hanging out at the Crown after school. You going ?

I think it over for a little before responding.

Alex: Is Noel going?

Gay for Ace: Idk, why do you care?

Alex: Why do you care if I care? *Insert fencing emoji* He's never been, has he?

Gay for Ace: No, Ace has tried to get him to go but he always refuses.

I smile. Of course he would.

Alex: What time

Gay for Ace: Right after school.

Alex: *thumbs up*

I get out of bed and open my closet, changing into dark sweatpants and a hoodie. I grab a cigarette from my desk and open my balcony door, pulling up Noel's name on my phone.

Alex: Come hang out with me after school. I'll pick you up. Did you get the battery for your car?

Immediately I get a text back. I smile while lighting up my cig. Pulling up his message, I breathe in a lungful of smoke.

Stargazer: Yes, I did. Thank you again. Are we going to your house?

Alex: No, the Crown. You know it?

Stargazer: Not really, it's an abandoned movie theater, right?

Alex: So you do know it.

Stargazer: We shouldn't go there, what if we get in trouble?

Alex: Students have been hanging out there for years. It's whatever. I promise you won't get in trouble.

Stargazer: Fine. See you after school?

Alex: That's the plan.