Page 35
ALEX
If I have to use this, then it's in self-defense. He's hurt me for too long. I won't allow it any longer. Especially not with Noel here. He won't hurt him too.
Father looks at the knife and shakes his head. “You're weaker than I thought.” He sighs. “What I did to you was meant to make you stronger. This is ridiculous, Alexander. You plan to stab me?”
“You keep telling me I'm weak, but I'm stronger now than I have ever been. I thought I needed you… but I don't. I understand it now. I know what real love is. What a family should be.” I look at Noel, giving him every faucet of my being with that one look. You're my world. My love. My real family.
He chuckles deeply. “You're just like your mother. Pathetic and desperate for someone to love her. All the maids were whores, though.”
I blink, not understanding what he means. “Sophia wasn't a maid.”
His cold, calculating glare turns my stomach, and he raises an eyebrow, giving me a moment to work through his words and their meaning.
Chills erupt, climbing up my spine like a million tiny spiders. My breath is punched out at his slowly growing smile.
“Alexander, my boy, you think Sophia would ever give birth to anything?” He laughs again. “That woman will never bear a child. Why do you think she told you to call her by her first name since you were a little boy?” His smile is terrifying, showing off perfect teeth as he watches me crumble apart. “I debated on if I should tell you or just let it play out. The last few months solidified my decision. Sophia doesn't want to keep up the farce any longer, and I don't blame her. You're eighteen now.”
I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe.
There's no way.
Sophia isn't…
“She was a lovely little thing, your mother. Blond hair, blue eyes, and so desperate for love.”
“Stop it,” Noel speaks up, distraught and worried, as he watches me have a panic attack. My father clearly doesn't give a fuck, as I'm shaking and unable to speak. “Baby, deep breaths. C'mon, I'm here. You're safe.”
It doesn't help. Nothing can help. Sophia isn't my mother…? My hands tremble and my fingers uncurl as the switchblade drops to the floor.
“Allie,” he says her name reverently, whispering like he's remembering her.
She was a maid.
A maid.
“You're going to do what I say, you disgusting slut. I write your checks. So be a good maid and do what I tell you.”
“Your own mother didn't even want kids, you know that? I had to make her. Because all men need a son. A boy to pass their legacy on to.”
I start to laugh. It's a disturbing, crazed sound. Noel's eyes widen at how deranged I must look.
“You're telling me—” I level my gaze with my father, tears finally starting to drip down my cheeks, “—that all this time, Sophia pretended to be my mom? Why? Why do that?” My voice shakes—a terrible wet sound.
He sighs. “A small price to pay for secrecy. I needed a certain image to be upheld, and Sophia would do anything for cold, hard cash. She didn't mind playing the part, really. It wasn't like she had to act motherly, the stupid cunt.”
“Where is she? Where is my real mom?” My voice cracks.
“Where? Six feet under. She's dead.”
The sound I make is as if I'm punched in the gut. I gasp, my vision blurry as tears fall, and I scream, running at him. There are no real words to describe what takes over me as I punch his face, climbing over him. I'm furious and terrified, but most of all, I'm heartbroken.
Everything is his fault. I never had a chance, did I? I never had the opportunity to have a mother. And I never will.
It's
All
His
Fault.
“Alex! Stop! He's passed out!”
Reality comes back to me as I stare down at the bloody face of my father. My head tilts at the expression he's making, eyes starting to swell shut from my fists. Is this how I looked to him after he beat me? Did he feel the way I feel now, without a care in the world? Starting now, he's nothing to me. No invisible bloodline that makes me love him because he's my father. No, he means less to me than shit on my shoe.
“You're lucky. If it weren't for Noel, I would kill you. Right here and now. I would strangle you and watch your eyes bug out of your skull, you fucking piece of shit.”
I lift myself off his body and watch his chest rise and fall with every shallow, raspy breath.
Noel takes my hand, and I find that my knuckles are red and sore. We both stare down at his body lying on the floor. “He killed her. He had to have killed her!” My voice is a grating, unhinged sound when I speak.
“We don't know that,” he assures me, turning his head to look at me. I keep my eyes down on the thing on the floor. “Alex, there's nothing we can do now… it's over.”
He's scared I'll do something I'll regret. It's a warning not to do something too insane.
“I'm not going to kill him. I'm just…” My jaw clenches with a loud pop.
“I know.” He hugs me into his side, placing his head on my shoulder. I start to relax, my body shutting down from the panic attack. Noel pushes lightly against my shoulder. “Alex, listen to me. None of this is your fault. Your father is deranged.”
“I'm probably the reason she's dead.”
“No,” he says gently, without pity. It's strong and grounding, his voice an elixir to calm me down. “You are not the reason. Your father was trying to get in your head. Don't let him.”
I want to believe him, I really do.
But he doesn't know my father the way I do.
If he didn't raise his hand to do the act, he definitely pushed her into it, somehow.
And I will never forgive him.
My father blots at the still bleeding spot on his eyebrow, too hurt to move anywhere else. His face is one big, swollen mess. Bruises are already forming, his nose is broken, and the spot above his lip looks like it needs stitches. He's not going to be able to hurt me back tonight. Not after that beating I gave him.
He looks weak.
“Tell me what happened. After that, we're done. I don't want to see you again.”
“Fuck you,” he spits out blood. “High demands from a little shit like yourself.”
“You'll do it or I'm going to the press,” I explain calmly. “I'll take you down, father. I swear to God, I will take you the fuck down. Your image is everything to you. I'll tell them you abused me for years; I don't care if the world knows I was beat and broken. I'll destroy your career.”
He sits in silence, breathing deeply, weighing his options. He doesn't want his private life being exploited. He may have connections and money, but I'm his son, and a reporter would be more than willing to air out his dirty laundry if it's me telling the story. I'm not asking for much. Just the truth.
Noel is pacing, visibly upset for me, and ready to clock the man for making me wait. It warms my chest; I'm already so deeply in love with him I can't possibly fall any harder.
“When did you get so manipulative?” He spits on the floor again.
“You forced it out of me. Now I want to know everything about her. What happened to my real mother?”
“She was a stupid little slut that got knocked up—”
“Don’t you dare say that! Say her name,” I interrupt with a growl, and he freezes.
“Allie.”
“I want the entire story. The truth.”
He scoffs. “Her and I had a onetime fling. Which resulted in you, but I was already with your mother by then. Oh, well, you know what I mean.”
It takes everything in me not to punch him again.
“I don't believe it was a fling.”
“What else would it be?”
“Did you rape her like the other maid I caught you with?”
His jaw ticks. “If I say no, you won't believe me.”
“Because you're a lying cunt.”
He snarls, his face turning ugly at my insult. “She loved me, actually. But she wanted to take you away from me, so I stopped her. She wasn't right in the head. You were my son; I couldn't let her leave with you. She didn't even want you! And I couldn't let it get out that she was the woman who had my son. So, I made her a deal. I signed her a check, and off she went.”
“There's no way she would have left me like that,” I growl out, hands shaking.
“Facts are facts. She did.”
“He's lying.” Noel steps over to him. “I don't believe you. No mother would do that. Not Alex's.”
He chuckles. “I don't care what you believe. It's the truth.”
“Let's go, Alex. He's spewing dirty lies, and I won't have you listen to it.”
What if he's not lying?
Would she do that?
I don't know Allie.
“How did she die?” I whisper, dreading the answer.
“Overdose. She was insane. Depressed and crazy.”
I slap him hard with the back of my hand. His head swings to the side with a heavy grunt. “Don't you dare speak about her that way.”
“You're both just the same,” he sneers, spitting blood at me. “The apple doesn't fall far from the crazy tree—”
Noel punches him in the jaw. Father pants for breath, at his limit. A second later, Noel and I share a long, tense moment of silent communication. My hands go up behind my head as I pace around.
My father looks like he's about to pass out, so I try to hurry it along.
“Give me the information I need to find her. All of it, father. I'll get the truth one way or another.”
“I don't know why you care; she's already dead!” I raise a fist like I'm about to punch him again, and he flinches away. “Fuck! Okay, I will. I have some papers, Jesus, calm down. There's a drawer under my desk, to the left. I have a box in there with some of her information.”
“Why do you have that in your drawer?”
He doesn't say anything, just grunts.
“Noel, can you get it?”
He walks towards his desk, goes behind it, and squats. I hear the sound of a drawer open as he rummages around. “Found it.”
I give my father a dirty look before spitting on his face. He barely flinches, just accepting it with a dark glare. “Fuck you, father.” I don't have anything else to say, so I turn back to Noel, who's holding the box.
“Ready?” he asks.
I nod, clutching my head in pain. There's blood on my lips, and I feel a wet trail on the side of my head. Noel rushes over to help me walk. We leave my father on the floor, broken and beat to hell. He speaks his last words to me.
“You'll regret this. You need me, Alexander.”
I don't respond, but Noel speaks up as if he were addressing him instead, his voice clear and devoid of any emotion.
“I'm his family now. Alex doesn't need you.”
We slam the door on our way out.
NOEL
The others are waiting for us when we exit. Each of their faces betrays how they're feeling, seeing Alex busted up. They most likely heard him screaming at his father, too. Ace is pacing the hallways, his cheeks and eyes red like he's been crying. Levi is up against the opposite wall, an angry set to his eyebrows, and Grady is standing directly in front of the door, his arms crossed with a clenched jaw. He steps forward first and helps me take Alex's other arm as we walk.
There's so much blood covering Alex's face and shirt. His eye is swollen, his eyebrow has a nasty cut that's currently dripping down his face, and his cheek is puffy and red. He doesn't seem to care about his injuries, as he's more concerned with the box in his hands, which he clutches protectively to his chest.
Making our way through the house is surprisingly easy when there's so many guests. I hide Alex from view and rush us upstairs.
“We need to get out of here, Alex. Your father is going to call the cops on us—” I start to say, but he cuts me off.
“No, he won't.” He swipes at some blood dripping in his eye. “He'd never do that. He's too proud. We don't need to worry. He'll probably call his doctor and have him come here to treat him.”
“So… what do we do now?” Ace asks, watching Alex in pity.
I look at him and sigh, grateful to have him with me. “Thank you. All of you. Do you mind getting some drinks or something for a few minutes? I kind of need to be alone with Alex right now…”
Levi groans. “Great. We save the day and get booted out just so you guys can fuck.”
Ace shoves his arm. “You really think Alex wants to get freaky now? He looks like he went ten rounds with Rocky Balboa.”
“There's free alcohol downstairs,” I tell them.
“I could use a drink after witnessing all that,” Grady agrees with my suggestion, nodding with a frown.
“Under different circumstances, I'd be all over that bar, but right now…?” Ace gestures helplessly at Alex.
“Just give us… twenty minutes. We should leave after that.”
“Take your time. We'll crash this party, and then we have a hotel we're staying at for the night. Come to us when you're done, alright?”
I nod. “Okay, thank you, Grady.”
They all give Alex a final glance, as if they want to say something to him but are unsure what. I don't give them the opportunity though, because right now isn't about them. They'll have time later to speak to Alex if they want. Right now, he's my responsibility.
Alex and I move into his bedroom, and I lock it. He slumps over to the floor, silent, staring at the box that holds the truth. He shifts, glaring down at his lap. Long fingers tap on his leg in a quick rhythm. I bend down to get on my knees so I can hug him to my body, squeezing his shoulders. “I'm sorry, baby,” I whisper into his hair, and he shudders. “I'm so sorry.”
I hold him against me, giving him what he should have had as a child. I show him what it’s like to be loved, smothering him in affection with soft kisses to his head, pats on his back, and soothing words. “It’s okay, I'm here. I’ll always be here, and I’m so fucking proud of you for standing up to him.” He cries quietly, his face shielded away as he sobs and shakes.
When he does eventually move to look up at me, I wipe away his tears and kiss the red, blotchy trail they left behind.
“Should we wait until we get home to see what's in there?”
He shakes his head. “No. I need to see it now.”
“Okay. I'm going to find a first aid kit.”
He wipes at his face and winces. “Check the drawer in the bathroom to the right.”
I stare at him. “You're not going to lock me in again, right?”
He scoffs, but it sounds like a laugh.
“Thanks for that, asshole.”
He looks down with a heavy sigh. “Sorry.”
I ignore him and go look for the first aid kit. The thing is big. I carry it over to him and get started on cleaning his cuts, pulling out ointment, and gauze. Wiping blood away and pressing a clean gauze into his worse injury. I want to suggest going to the hospital, but I already know Alex will turn that down. I have to make due with what I have.
Alex finally opens the box, and inside is a bunch of government papers.
“Alexandra Vanessa Pemberly,” he whispers, his voice clear and full of emotion. “My mother's name…”
“It's beautiful,” I tell him tenderly, swiping leftover dried blood from his eye. “So similar to yours, too.”
“Her medical certificate cause of death…suicide.” He skims over some more things, mumbling. “Benzodiazepines, oxycodone, tramadol,” he says louder. “Fuck…”
My look of sympathy goes unnoticed. He's staring down at the paper.
“Are any of those things familiar to you?”
He looks up at me, his mind still reeling from his mother's suicide information. “Um yeah, I know what they are, but I take Trazodone.” He goes back to looking down, but flips to another page underneath. “She has a sister…”
I finish taping gauze over his eyebrow. “That's good news; what else is there?”
He reads off more information, including her address.
“That's not far from us,” I exclaim, smiling broadly.
“I can't believe I have an aunt…”
“That's good news, Alex.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “I just…”
I give him time to speak, not asking any questions.
“Sophia isn't my mom.” It's like he's trying to come to terms with it, the way he says it. Like it's a fact. And it is. “And this woman—” he holds up the paper with her death details. “—is my mother.”
“Yeah,” I sigh.
“How can I mourn someone I never met?” he asks me in a broken whisper.
I watch his jaw clench and his eyes lock on mine with such tenderness.
I don't know what to say.
“I'm sorry. I wish I could give you the world, Alex. I wish I could give you her.” I inhale sharply, my voice choked up with despair and anger for him. I bite at my lip so I don't sob. I'm devastated for him. “I wish I could take every hit he gave you, all the pain you feel. I don't know what to do to help you,” I say through my tears, sniffling and crying.
He pulls into his arms and comforts me.
“I'll be alright, okay? No wish can bring back my mother, and I can handle pain way better than you can, so don't wish for that.”
“Alex, don't joke,” I gasp, unable to stop the tears from falling.He chuckles, holding my face in his hands. “As long as I have you, everything else will be fine.”
I bawl my damn eyes out, and Alex holds me tight against him. Soon though, I come back to myself. “Let's get out of this house. I don't like being here.”
He blinks, petting my hair. “Yeah. Okay.”
I take my phone out and snap a picture of all the papers just in case. He takes my hand, and we grab our bags, making sure the box is secure in his duffle.
We still have a long road ahead of us.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
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- Page 9
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- Page 34
- Page 35 (Reading here)
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- Page 37
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- Page 39