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NOEL

Gripping my foil tightly, I walk towards the piste where my newest opponent is waiting for me, mask already on.

My opponent cracks their neck with a bored stance before we salute one another with our foils, bending our knees in en garde position.

It’s like I'm fencing for the first time again as they advance on me so fast, I have no time to retreat, and they land a hit roughly on my torso. I already feel a bruise forming.

“Shit,” I gasp out, clutching my vest.

They walk back to the line as if they didn't just jab the absolute shit out of me, turning to face me again with impatience in their demeanor.

“Ouch, that’s gonna bruise. Did I stab too hard for you, newbie?” They speak for the first time, uncaring and brusque as they reach up to their mask and tear it off, showing a shit eating grin and bored eyes.

My entire world implodes as I stare in disbelief at who my opponent is under his mask.

Coach Sarah paired us up so she could see his talent but never mentioned any names. Coach walks up from behind him and claps her hands to get everyone’s attention. My mask stays on, hiding my reaction.

“Okay team, let's welcome our newest member to the Knights: Alex Madison.” She claps the new kid on the back and he cuts his eyes at the jovial gesture, annoyance simmering in his expression.

I grit my teeth, vision blurring while my heart starts an uneven thumping beat in my chest as I stare at the one person who I never thought I'd see again.

Alex.

My focus is drawn to the dark circles under his eyes, then to the yellow bruise on his jaw. He's a darker, more grunge version of what I remember. His appearance is shockingly different, yet he still looks like the Alex I remember.

“Well helloooo, new kid,” Ace greets in a strange sultry voice, looking up at Alex from head to toe as he shuffles closer to the group. Grady chuckles beside him, elbowing him in the side.

“Simmer it down, Ace,” Coach scolds. “Alex, go ahead and say hi; they don't bite. Well, that one might.” She waves a hand, indicating she means Ace.

“So happy to be here,” Alex responds blandly. He cracks his neck, seemingly irritated at having to respond at all. His smooth, monotone voice is deeper now, but he still sounds the same. It makes my chest jolt, and I struggle to breathe properly. It's like I'm a kid again, jittery and nervous to be near him. And now he's back at Knight's Valor Academy, face stoic and unimpressed at what he's seeing.

I hear Levi murmur, “Great, another fencer who doesn't take it seriously.”

I look over at my team, who are standing in their fencing gear, ready to practice. There's ten of us on the Knights team, the smallest sport at KVA. The sophomores and juniors make up four girls and two boys, and then four senior boys: me, Ace, Levi, and Grady.

Grady puts his hands on his hips, a scowl on his face. “Hey, I take it seriously now. Well, as serious as high school fencing can be,” Grady responds back, thinking Levi is referring to him.

Coach rolls her eyes. “Thanks for that, Grady. I really appreciate it. Why don't you all introduce yourselves to Alex, and then we'll begin practice? Sound good? Great. Noel, you go first, since you were both in a bout.”

I stand frozen while all of the fencing team turns to look at me. I reach a hand up to my face and swallow as I slowly remove my mask. There’s excitement in my movements, hand trembling as I lift it over my head and lower the mask to reveal myself. He’ll probably laugh when he sees who he just fought against. I bite my lip to suppress my grin. My cheeks are warm and I know I'm flushed.

As I stand before him, face fully on display, one thing becomes blatantly clear.

Alex doesn’t know who I am. Nothing in his face betrays what he’s feeling. No glimmer of recognition. Nothing.

The eye contact is brutal, but this time is more traumatic because Alex is giving me some kind of glare that looks equal parts repulsed and angry. Do I not look the same? I mean, it's been five years, but I don't look that different.

I take a deep breath before speaking. “I'm Noel.” I pause, waiting for a flicker of recognition from Alex, but nothing happens. I grit my teeth as I think over what else to say, but Levi cuts me off.

“Wow, what a great introduction.”

“Shhh, you know he doesn't talk much.” I hear Ace whisper and give me a thumbs up.

“Uh. I just turned eighteen a few days ago. I fence foil and… I love stargazing.” I hear someone chuckle but don't know who it is because my eyes are on Alex. Watching for any signs that he knows who I am.

A single pale eyebrow raises. “How romantic.”

My stomach clenches, and I feel like throwing up. This is so incredibly disappointing. Devastating. Fuck.

“Alright. Thank you, Noel. Ace, you next.”

Alex doesn't give me anymore of his attention, his eyes shifting to Ace, and in an instant my feelings that were filled with nervous excitement go to an angry, hot rage.

Because he doesn't remember me.

My chest deflates, my jaw cracking with how hard I'm clenching down. And just like that, every good moment, every shared interest we had, the friendship that I thought about for years... is all tainted with this moment of absolute shit. I stare at his face and realize his attention is on nothing in particular as he zones out each member of the fencing club's introduction. When he meets my eyes with a questioning raise of his arched brow, I look away, excusing myself to the lockers so I can be alone.

I almost run, trying to get away so that no one sees me break down. I slam open the locker room door, sprinting to the bathroom stall. Once inside, my shaking hands try to lock the door. I get it after the third try.

I shut my eyes tight and cover my face with my hands; my heart beats too fast in my chest as I work through the panic. My breathing is too erratic, and I need to get it together quickly. Sweat breaks out on the back of my neck, and then the uncontrollable shivering takes over.

Fuck!

“ It's okay; it doesn't matter. It was years ago,” I force myself to whisper. I need to calm down before my teammates search me out and find me hyperventilating. They've never seen this side of me.

It takes a while until I'm calm enough to at least hide the panic, but now I'm exhausted and ready to fall down for a nap. I head back into the room.

“Noel, you okay?” Ace whispers. I nod with a quick jerk of my head. He gives me a weird look that's a mix of sympathy and confusion.

Practice goes by in a strange, suspended time that feels unreal.

I watch Alex fence in a practice bout with Grady and try not to pay attention to him, but my eyes can't help but drift over every few minutes.

Why is he back here? School started in August. And why is he here in the fencing club? I don't understand it.

I watch as he lunges, foil striking Grady in the torso. Grady gives an impressed thumbs up. He's fenced before and a natural by the looks of it. I swallow back my admiration.

His stance is perfect, legs and arms exactly how they should be in en garde position, but when he breaks apart from fencing with Grady, he takes off his mask and tosses it to the side while walking off the piste and to the bench. Like it's trash. Legs open wide, he splays out comfortably while dragging a hand through his blond locks. His eyes lazily make contact with me, huffing a tiny laugh.

“You're staring,” he states in a bored tone.

My breath stutters, and I immediately look down in embarrassment. He picks up his water bottle from the ground and sips it while watching me. Obviously, I can still see him from my peripheral vision, but I glance back up and say, “I haven't been staring at you.”

“Sure thing, stargazer.” My heart leaps at the nickname, thinking that he does remember me.

“Stargazer?” I ask hesitantly.

He stands. “I don't actually care what your name is,” he sighs before brushing past me, eyes forward, and I feel stupid because obviously he got that from my introduction.

I grit my teeth and will myself not to watch him exit the room.

In the locker room after practice, Ace and Grady bombard Alex with questions.

“So, where you from?” Ace asks as he sits beside Alex on the bench, pulling his shirt over his head as we all get dressed. Ace tucks his shirt into high-waisted pants while Alex tilts his head to look at him with hooded eyes.

Alex shoves a foot in chunky black buckled boots. “California.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch them as discreetly as I can, noticing Alex's tiny spiked piercings in his ears.

"Oooh, beachy West Coast!”

Grady is standing by his locker still shirtless when he perks up with that information. “No shit. My dad used to live near Huntington Beach. What made you move here?”

“The classic divorced parents’ storyline. You know how it goes,” he drones on with a quirk of his lips.

“Ouch. Tough shit, man.” Grady gives him a sympathetic look with a shake of his head.

“Yes, poor little rich boy.” Alex chuckles under his breath, sliding his oversized black hoodie over his head.

Grabbing my duffle, I walk off with Ace waving me goodbye.

It's been years since I last saw Alex, and while I've been waiting for this moment to have him back, he doesn't recognize it's me.

Now I have to act like just another student around him because no way am I telling him who I am. Fuck him for forgetting me.

From this moment on, I hate Alex.