Page 21

ALEX

I rip open the large present, tearing it to reveal a chibi plushie of Shinso from our anime. His hair is icy blond with a scar across the bridge of his nose, his clothes are black and red, and he has a sword. It's cute.

I don't fucking say that, but it's definitely going on my bed.

“You would get this for me.” I turn my attention to find him nervous and apprehensive about the gift, so I reach out and grab his hand, pulling him into my side on the couch. “I like it. I told you I'd like it, didn't I, doe eyes?”

“Yeah?” He looks so hopeful, so desperate for me to like it, that I reach over without thought and kiss him. It's on the cheek, but it's still the first affectionate thing I've done with him in front of anyone and in front of his mom of all people.

But she pays us no mind, sipping her cup of coffee and fiddling with the headphones I gifted her.

“Your turn.” My stomach flutters with what could only be nerves, which is stupid, because I know he'll love whatever it is I give him. It's just the way he is.

I could give him fucking space bedsheets, and he'd be over the moon with them.

“Here.” I reach into my pants pocket and pull out the paper I printed out, folded up. He looks confused when I unfold it, giving it to him quickly.

“What's—” he stops when he realizes what it is. “No way.”

His mom perks up at his excitement. “What is it, baby?”

His eyes meet mine, a smile slowly forming into a laugh. “You got me Anime Con tickets?! And for all three days!” He bites his lip, reading over the page again. “Wait, there's three individual tickets.”

I shrug. “I guess we can all go now.”

“Alex…this is…”

“Yeah, I know. I give the best gifts.”

“Thank you,” he responds appreciatively, his expression soft. “This was…thoughtful of you.”

“Ugh, don't make it weird.”

He giggles under his breath while going back to read over the sheet. It's so pathetic.

I can't stop staring at him. The longer I watch him, the more my insides feel like melted chocolate. His eyes flick back to mine.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispers, sweeter than the cinnamon bun I ate after breakfast, and my breath hitches.

All this Christmas-y shit is making me feel like I'm the Grinch whose heart is finally growing, and that's honestly so sad and ridiculous that I can't help but compare myself to a silly fictional Christmas cartoon that they made me watch. What the hell?

My heart kind of feels like it's going to explode, though. Is it actually growing?

“Alex? You okay?”

“Yeah,” I say honestly, because I am. I’m better than I’ve ever been.

“I really loved having you, Alex. Come and stay with us whenever you want, okay?”

Her hugs are weirdly growing on me.

“Text me when you get home?” Noel asks, grabbing my hand and threading our fingers. His smile is sweet and wholesome.

“Sap,” I reply, bringing his hand up to my lips and kissing his knuckles. His cheeks pinken.

After all the emotional shit I had to go through today, it’s a small relief when I eventually leave Noel’s house and head back to mine.

There’s no way I’m intruding on their entire break. It's already late; Christmas is gone and done with.

Noel wants me to stay longer, but another night spent in his bed might actually kill me. And it’s entirely because of his needy, whiny voice telling me to degrade him. Like, where the fuck does he get this from? I’m trying to take it slow, and he is derailing my plan so easily.

I’ll see him again at the New Year's party anyway. There's always some big party going on with these rich kids.

All too soon I’m pulling into my driveway.

And see that there’s a car I don’t recognize along with a moving truck.

My stomach drops.

I grit my teeth and prepare myself for whatever I’m about to face, killing my good mood and squashing it with anxiety.

Unlocking the door, I step inside to chaos.

There are boxes littered throughout the entryway and three men stacking already full boxes by the door.

Oh shit.

“—dishware can be placed on top of the shoe box, Robert. And bring me the tape!”

Sophia's shrill voice rings out from somewhere in the kitchen. When she sees it’s me, I don’t receive a warm welcome. “There you are.”

It’s not relief because she was worried; it’s annoyance.

“What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like? I’m moving out of the house and selling it.”

“And when were you planning on telling me that? When a new family moves in?”

She texts on her phone, not making eye contact with me. “I’ve had a lot on my mind, Alex. And now you know.”

I lower my voice. “Where am I supposed to live?”

She snorts. “California? I’m sure your father would love to have you back.”

I move closer to her, putting a hand over her phone. “You’re fucking delusional if you think I’m moving back in with him.”

She levels her icy stare up at me. “Well, I’m moving in with Benjamin. I can't take this shit anymore. Go talk to your father. I'm done doing my part of the deal. You're eighteen now.”

“What the fuck , Sophia?”

She laughs, looking me up and down like she wants to say something more. “Watch your tone.”

“It’s senior year! I can’t just leave!”

“I don’t have time to argue. I have boxes to pack.”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Oh? So where will you live, hmm? Not here, sweetie. This place is going up for sale.” The endearing nickname makes me want to vomit. I lean down to her face, a calm facade, and watch her eyes turn to slits. My anger feels dangerous. I tower over her height, hands fisted at my sides.

Her dainty fingers come up to my jaw, slowly gripping it in her hand until it’s an uncomfortable tightness, and I know I’ll have an imprint when she lets go.

“You really are just like your father, you know that? Same pretty face and tall body. Same disgusting attitude.” She jerks her hand off my jaw with a push, causing my head to turn. “It’ll be two weeks until I get all my things packed up and out, so do whatever it is you need. Your father wants you back in California.”

I bite back a nasty retort, clenching my jaw, before giving up. My eyes close in defeat. “I can’t…”

She sighs, annoyed. “Can’t what?”

“I can’t do this again… I'm asking you to hold off, at least until graduation. I can't go back to California.”

At this point I’m so desperate that it doesn’t matter who I’m talking to; my feelings are all over the place. I’m shaking, about to fucking cry, all because of Noel.

He won’t forgive me. We just started over again; I can’t leave him…

“Damn it! I never wanted this! I never wanted you! Sylas was supposed to keep you. I shouldn’t even be part of this! Go back to California, Alex.”

“It’s just until I graduate; why can’t you fucking do this for me? I’m your fucking son!”

Slap.

The sharp sting of her palm on my cheek echoes through the kitchen. I turn my head slowly back to watch her lift her head high.

“I am nothing to you.”

I can feel my lips curling into a cruel smile, my sight becoming blurry. I breathe out a self-deprecating laugh. “You are a stupid, evil whore.”

“Get. Out.”

I get up right in her face. “Make me.”

She inhales sharply, her eyes not wavering at all. We stay like that for a long minute, neither of us backing down. She finally steps back with a heavy sigh.

“You have two weeks. I don’t want to see you again.”

She looks at the cabinet so she doesn’t have to see my crestfallen expression before turning around, no longer facing me. “If I were you, I’d get far, far away from that man after you graduate. He’s evil, Alex.”

As she walks away from me, I catch a whiff of her flowery perfume. Like a funeral home when there's a wake.

She's never talked to me like that before.

But she's not wrong. I do need to get far away from him.

But what choice do I have now?

He pays for everything. Sophia was my only option away from him. The only thing he'd allow me to run away to, because she's my mom. He was able to control her for years; he won't let me stay here if she's not involved in some way.

I'll have to go back to California and figure out what to do next. His money is what pays for everything. My school, my food, the college I’ll be attending, the roof over my head…

My father controls everything about my life.

All I ended up doing this year was running away. I haven't actually stood up to him. I follow his rules still, and I keep going back. When am I going to stop? Will I ever?

I'm pathetic. I'm an adult now, and yet I'm still acting like a child.

This house will be sold. I'll be homeless. My father wins.

Coming here was all for nothing.

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”