Page 18

NOEL

After dinner, we head into the movie theater room and start up a new anime to watch. He smacks the lights off on his way to the big couch.

“There’s blankets in the ottoman if you’re cold, or you can cuddle up on me; I won't bite.” He smirks playfully.

I bite the inside of my cheek to hide my grin and nod my thanks. I open it up, pulling out a fluffy blue blanket. I'm not cold, but I need to do something with my hands. I'm a nervous mess about to sit alone with Alex in a dark room for the third time in my life, and we have done a lot of things in the past hour.

How am I going to survive the entire night?

Alex has one leg up, over the top of the couch in front of him, spread open and comfortable with his phone in hand, typing.

“So…” I begin, wanting to know a very specific question. “Have you dated before?”

He drops his phone to give me his undivided attention with a sly smile. “Mmm dating. What does that word mean to you?”

My unimpressed glare doesn’t faze him. “How most of society views dating. The label of boyfriend and… kissing. Stuff like that.”

“Ah, then yes and no,”

“Be more specific, Alex,” I sigh, annoyance in my huff of breath.

He smiles. “I’ve kissed boys and girls before but never had the label of boyfriend. No one worth mentioning.”

I bite the inside of my cheek to hide my smile.

“I can practically feel your smugness.” He nudges my shoulder.

“And sex?”

“Right now? While we’re talking so seriously? Jeez, what a horndog.”

I gasp. “No! I meant, what’s your sex life been like… What we did earlier; have you done that before? Have you done more?”

His face remains unreadable, but his expression is soft. I get the feeling he’s thinking of how to best explain his past hookups.

“Noel,” he groans my name, hands swiping through messy hair. “We just started talking again; do you really need to know all that right now?”

“Do you think I’ll get jealous? It’s not about that. I want to know everything I’ve missed since you left, that’s all.”

“Fine. Don’t get pissed at me, please. I really don’t want to grovel at your feet twice in one night.”

“That’s not exactly how it happened—”

“I've been with girls.”

There's a beat of silence as I take that in. “Do you prefer girls over…” I can't even finish the sentence. He understands though.

“It's not like that. You're different, Noel.”

“Yeah, I have a dick.”

He bites his lip to stop himself from laughing. “No, I mean, yeah, but I meant you're Noel. You've always been in the back of my mind. A constant thought. You're just… mine.”

My heart stops beating for a second, and I lose my breath. “Yours,” I try out the word, not sure what that means. But if I'm his anything , I'm okay with that. His possession, his friend, his boyfriend? “You've had sex before,” I state the obvious.

“Yes.”

“And what about sex with a boy?”

“No. But other things.”

My face heats up, jealousy curling deep in my gut. Why do I feel like this now and not when he said he's had sex with girls? Does this stuff matter at all? I've never been jealous. “Like?” I ask, my eyes wandering with the invasive question. I can sense his grin, and as I look back at him, his eyes are twinkling like he’s amused and entertained.

“Hand stuff and blow jobs, nothing penetrative.”

“Okay.” I swallow roughly and look over at the door, embarrassed at everything we’re discussing. He’s so unbothered by it all.

Okay, new subject.

“Your face is all red,” he comments unhelpfully.

“Yeah,” I rasp.

A hand reaches out to palm my cheek, and my gaze lands back on his face. “So cute,” he whispers, cooing like he’s speaking to a child. “Any more questions?” he teases, pulling at a strand of my hair.

I pull at my hoodie strings to give my hands something to do. “Not right now.”

He pats my cheeks before pulling away. “I have something for you.”

“Hmm?”

Alex walks over to where he stripped off his hoodie he was wearing before we started fencing. He rummages around inside a pocket, pulling out a crumpled-up piece of paper. He pauses while staring down at it and lets out a sigh. “Yeah, so I drew this for you after the match today where you started a fight with that asshole.”

“I didn’t start a fight; I participated in a fight. Very different things.”

“You started the fight, you rebel.”

“Did not. Show me what you made.”

He watches me smugly. “Admit you threw that punch in my honor, and I’ll let you have it.” He dangles the paper high above his head.

“Fuck you,” I say with a laugh, standing up and walking over to a grinning Alex. His other hand lands on my chest, stopping me from coming closer. “Is everything a game to you?” I snark, reaching up to snatch it, but I’m pushed away.

“If it were, I’d be winning.” Warm breath caresses my skin as he leans into my personal space and gently presses his lips to my neck. It’s a kiss meant to distract me with its gentleness. I let out a pathetic whimper at the contact, and he stills. I don’t purposely make the noise, but I use the moment to snatch the paper from his loose grasp. It takes him a second to say anything.

“Oh, the mentee has outwitted the master… well done.” His head lowers in a mock bow. I roll my eyes but end up still smiling. Sitting down on the couch, I spread out the paper as best I can. He remains standing.

My breath stutters when I see what it is he made.

It’s us.

Or more importantly, it’s us the night we spent watching the meteor shower. It shows the back of Alex, sitting on a blanket, body turned to where I’m sitting, facing him. It’s done in dark tones but still has a brightness to it. I’m laughing, my eyes tiny speckles of green and yellow in my brown eyes to match the sky above us. It’s almost like the stars are literally in my eyes.

With trembling fingers gripping the drawing, I shift my focus to Alex.

He’s not looking at me. Instead, he’s staring off at the back of the room, a nervous energy radiating off of him. His face is tight, trying to display aloofness.

“This is…” My throat threatens to close up, and the sound I make has him whipping his head to see my reaction. “Alex, it’s beautiful. It’s… I can’t even explain what this means to me. The colors, the sky, both of us together.” I wipe at my left eye that is quickly filling up with tears. “You’re so talented.”

Alex is on me before I see him move. He leans over me, large hands grasping my cheeks. He kisses me with so much affection it’s like some kind of whiplash from his earlier teasing. It’s harsh and demanding; a leader meant to lead, and I’m there to follow along for the ride. His tongue prods at my closed lips until I gasp open, moaning into his parted mouth. As I let the drawing fall to the carpet, I reach for his hair and enjoy its silky feel as he lays me back onto the couch. He follows me down, fingers trailing down my chest until he reaches the hem of my hoodie. Fingertips brush at my stomach, almost like he’s asking permission to feel my body. I nod repeatedly while tenderly licking at his mouth. He groans deeply, pushing up my hoodie, revealing my bare stomach. It feels ridiculously more intimate than what we’ve already done for some reason. I’m hot, but trembling underneath his strong, sure confidence. How is he so good at this?

My hips buck up without conscious thought as he holds onto my waist and rubs circles with his thumb at a sensitive spot I didn't even know I had. My dick starts to swell against his leg. Feeling it, he shifts between my legs with his thick thigh and smiles into the next bout of kisses he plants on my cheek and down my throat. Moving me to rub against him. My eyes roll back into my head, inhaling sharply. It’s too much, not enough. I don’t know, it feels so good. He urges me into the movement, using his hand on my waist, forcing my lower half to grind up and down his thigh. My head drops back with a whine tearing from my throat, panting as he kisses back up my throat. Licking and sucking a bruise into my skin.

“We should… probably stop now,” I manage to pant out, still pressing my dick against his muscular thigh.

“Is that really what you want?” His teeth dig into my shoulder, biting down and then immediately working another spot closer to my neck.

“C’mon, Alex. I want to look at the drawing you made me.”

I hear him moan, tightening his hold on my ribs.

Is he turned on from this? Me mentioning his drawing and how much I love it?

“It’s stunning… you’re incredible, you know that. Always have been.” He trembles over me, sighing heavily. “Hey.” I gain his attention by pulling the tiniest bit at his hair. When his eyes meet mine, my chest tightens, air whooshing out from my lungs. He’s flushed red, and the shade of his eyes is shimmering so luminously, and I’m reminded of blue stars, the biggest, brightest stars in our galaxy.

It’s open, showing me a vulnerability that he rarely allows. I kiss his lips once, a gentle swipe of our mouths. His eyes close as he takes a deep breath. “I like this side of you, Alex. You’re so soft. I want to see you happy more often, but you don’t have to ravish me to show you’re pleased.” I nudge his shoulder so he understands it’s not that serious.

He blinks a couple times, understanding dawning over his features. His calm demeanor shifts somehow, becoming lax in a different way. A show.

“So, you don’t want me swallowing your dick?” His grin is lopsided, and a filthy gleam in his eyes that makes my stomach knot up. He’s fucking with me again. But now I know why. It’s how he covers up vulnerability. He’s embarrassed. How am I just now discovering this about him? I already knew he faked the teasing playfulness, putting on a show and never revealing his true self with people, but this is something else entirely.

Every time he made a pass at me, has new meaning.

He really doesn’t know how to show his weaknesses. So he puts on a front.

“You’re thinking about it.” He waggles his brows suggestively, sliding down my body like a snake about to swallow its prey.

I jump up, pushing him off me, and he plops to the floor with a groan. “Another time then,” he mutters quickly.

“Alex,” I sigh fondly with a shake of my head in exasperation. It’s been one hell of a long day, and I’m mentally exhausted. Happy, but tired. He can tell I’m pretty much over the evening because he stands, and tugs at my hand.“Let’s go to sleep. You look drained. Not as drained as what I’d hope to accomplish, but you know, we have lots of time for that another day.” His smile is teasing but also genuine.

I pick up the drawing, admiring it again. Alex turns away embarrassed, clearing his throat. We head out together, walking side by side towards his room. Holding hands is weird, but it feels good. I’ll have to get used to it. I’m getting the feeling Alex needs this kind of touch.

It’s an intimacy thing. He probably lacks physical affection, which in turn makes him need it more.

He drops my hand and walks to his preferred side of the bed. I take the time to smooth out the paper and place it on the desk so I don’t lose it.

ALEX

“Uh… goodnight then,” Noel says while rolling over to his side, facing the opposite of me. I smile at his tuft of hair peeking out from the blanket high up his shoulders.

I don’t want to play games with him anymore. I don’t want to think too hard about my feelings for him. I’m going to do what feels right, even though my first inclination is to keep him at a distance.

It’s definitely my fault for how everything has played out since I arrived at the academy, but I can’t regret how the finale brought us together in a way that’ll live in my head for years to come. Noel jerking me off. The way his tongue slipped out to lick up a drop of my precum from his thumb? Shit, that was so hot.

But on a less erotic note, I can be friends with Noel and hopefully even… boyfriends? Can I allow myself to call him that? Am I able to be the kind of guy Noel deserves?

Okay, calm down; we only just moved past rivals. Work on the friendship part first.

“What, no goodnight kiss?” I say into the dark. Noel makes a disgruntled noise, and I chuckle.

“Yeah, right. No way it’ll be just a kiss.”

I sigh dramatically. “You caught me. In that case, can I hold your hand instead?”

He turns around to face me, eyes slanted in suspicion. “You’re not going to shove it down your pants, are you?”

My laugh is loud in the quiet room. He smiles at the outburst. “Well, I wasn’t, but now you’ve put the idea in my head…”

“Alex,” he rasps my name. “Hand holding only,” he tells me sternly, bringing his hand from under the covers to hesitantly reach for my open palm. I grab his hand.

He lets out a huff, sounding suspiciously like a laugh. “It’s funny doing this after so many years, but under different circumstances.” He flexes his fingers then tightens his grip on my hand like he never wants to let go. “My memories of you are so vivid—some of the most vivid memories I have.”

“I remember all of it. Mostly it’s your goofy face looking at me all googly-eyed." I attempt to humor him, but he must be too inside his own head, of memories from our times together. I feel bad. “Hey, Noel.” His eyes stare right past all the bullshit and right into my soul.

“Hmm?”

“You know I really like you, right?”

He stays locked on me, brows lowering in concertation. It steals my next breath.

“It feels… like a dream.”

“It isn’t,” I whisper. “I’m sorry, you know… for being so shitty to you that first day in fencing club. I deserved all of your hate.”

He laughs quietly. “Yeah, you totally did, fucker.”

I laugh along with him, our hands glued together. I can feel it deep in my bones, my very soul, that whatever he is to me, it’s for life. Whether that be a friendship that lasts forever or something more.

I want it. I want it so badly that I’d give anything up to have it.

And that scares me; it terrifies me that I’d need someone like that.

“Get some sleep, doe eyes,” I whisper, bringing our joined hands up to my lips to kiss the back of his hand. He gasps softly.

“You too, Alex.”

I smile, watching him in the dark as we both take our time staring at one another until we eventually fall asleep.

I wake with Noel hugging my body.

I hug him tighter; the feeling of having him in my bed, warm and breathing, has me sighing in gratitude.

All of my interactions with him have felt soft, fragile in a way. His kind, honest heart was a weakness for me, but being without him makes me weaker.

I pet his hair, his cheek, his back, all while I watch him breathe softly into my chest. His eyelashes are dark and long, beautiful when they’re shut and even more so when they’re open.

His leg shifts, hiking up higher against my hip like he’s trying to climb over top me. I chuckle, and that’s what makes his eyes flutter open.

He blinks a couple times, and I raise an eyebrow. “Hey,” I greet him, my voice still rough and hard from disuse.

His cheeks pinken.

“Hi,” he breathes.

“What plans do you have for today?”

He sits up, stretching, and damn, his lean torso is sexy. His shirt rides up, baring a sliver of skin, and I have to hold myself back so I don’t shove him back to my mattress and do very bad things to him he’s not ready for.

He cracks his neck, running a hand through his messy hair once to push it back, and seriously, he’s so beautiful it’s making my chest ache.

“My mom still has to work, so probably wait for her to get home so we can spend some of my break together,” he responds, his morning voice husky and rasping, but somehow has a gentleness to it. “What about you?”

“Don’t know.”

He watches me as if treading this question carefully. “If you don’t have plans for Christmas, why don’t you stay at my house?”

I scoff, getting out of bed. “I’m not going to intrude on your break because you pity me.”

“I’m not… I really want you there. I finally have you back and I want to spend more time with you…”

I feel him stare at my back, so I mutter, “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay, but I really want you to say yes. My mom would love to have you. It’s always just us two, and I know she’d be ecstatic if I had you over. She’s been asking about you, actually. She hasn’t met the others either.”

I turn to face him. “I said I’d think about it.”

He sighs with a smile. “Alright.”

He knows I’m lonely. Which is why he’s trying to smother me with spending time together.

I feel like a charity case.

“Let’s get breakfast.”

“Okay.”

It’s not as weird as it should be as we both get up, brush our teeth, and make our way to the kitchen. It’s… comfortable. Easy.

Perfect.

Noel fills up all the empty, dead space with so much warmth. He glows. Watching him flutter around the kitchen, opening up the fridge, and looking for creamer makes me smile.

I don’t feel so alone with him here.

“Where is your coffee bin?” He asks, hair disheveled and clothes wrinkly from sleep. Even his cheek has sleep lines from my pillow.

I grin lazily. “I’ll make it. Do you like it strong?”

“Mhmm.” He nods.

“Me too.” I set about making us coffee while he watches me, leaning against the countertop. As I scoop in the coffee grounds, I blurt out, “Do you have any pictures of us together? I don’t remember taking any…”

I can’t see his face, but when he speaks, it’s nervous. “No, not together. But…”

“But?”

“I still have the keychain you gave me.”

I spin around.

He blinks, watching my reaction.

I laugh incredulously so I don’t burst into tears. “You’re unbelievable.”

His eyes widen, like I might start yelling at him any second, but it’s not that I’m angry. I’m actually so honored and shaken up that he really did care about me so much. Me. Just some fucked up kid that should have stayed in touch and taken our friendship seriously instead of being a scared chicken shit because of how I felt.

Fuck me. I can’t even explain to him how much this means to me. I’m so incapable of explaining my feelings to someone.

“Are you… mad at me?”

I scoff, rubbing at my neck, trying to come up with something to say to him. I spin around and grip the countertop. “No,” my voice comes out deep, choked up.

“Then why are you getting upset?”

I turn back around and get right up close to him, pushing him against the countertop. But I only bring my arms around his waist, tuck my head on his shoulder, and hug him.

His surprised gasp turns into silence the longer I hold on. And then I feel him relax, his arms coming up to hug me back.

It feels amazing.

And when his hand trails up to thread fingers through my hair, caressing me gently, I shiver at the contact.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his shoulder. “If I could go back in time, I swear I’d change things. I’d have stayed in touch with you; I wanted to, I did. Please don’t think I didn’t care about you, because I did, Noel. It’s just at that time I was going through so much shit. And when I came back, I was scared; it was easier for me to lie than to—”

“Hey,” he stops me with a gentle whisper and pull of hair. He tugs at the strands, making me pull back to look at his face.

There’s a strong, sure glare in his eyes. It’s not embarrassed or shaky, but confident.

“I believe you.”

“You do?”

He nods. “I’m not angry anymore, Alex. I’m happy we’re together again. I want to catch up, get to know you. You don’t have to apologize, okay? You already did that. Now we’re moving on.” He turns and sits on the kitchen stool.

It hits me then, in startling obliviousness, that I have something I can show him to prove how much he meant. What that night meant for me.

“I want to show you something.”

If this doesn't prove to him my feelings about that night, nothing will. I'm nervous as shit, bearing myself open—something I don't know how to do, but Noel will understand. He watches me from the kitchen stool, a warm smile on his face.

I take my shirt off.

This isn't the first time Noel has seen me without a shirt on, but he usually looks away, giving me privacy in the locker room.I’ve also been very careful hiding it, keeping my arms down if I’m shirtless around him. If Grady and the others have seen it, they’ve never mentioned it to me.

I lift my right arm and turn to the side.

There, at the top of my ribs, under my arm, is a tattoo I had done when I turned sixteen.A line of blue across my ribcage no bigger than my finger is a shooting meteor.

Noel's eyes widen, his mouth parting open. “Alex, holy shit what—”

“I wanted a piece of you with me to remember. It was a night that my world turned dark, and I was afraid—so fucking afraid, but it was also so unbelievably beautiful. You know that feeling you got when we watched all those meteors shoot across the sky? That’s what you make me feel every time I look at you. You are my own shooting star, the one thing that gave me hope, and I’ll always cherish that moment with you.”

He inhales sharply. “Come here,” He beckons me closer. I step forward, and he reaches out his left hand to hold me still at my waist while leaning down to inspect it, fingers brushing over the design, caressing gently. His head lowers, and I feel his breath tickle the sensitive area. He kisses my skin, and I gasp, my hand coming up to his head to grab hair and tug at the sensation.

He kisses again before pulling away, looking up at me through long lashes.

My breathing is harsher, and my hands tremble. I let go of his hair. “Don't ever think you meant nothing to me, Noel. You mean everything .”

He bites his lip and swallows, his eyes shimmery and wet, nodding at me. “Okay. I won't.” He smiles warmly, leaning in and kissing my cheek. It’s a slow peck, something so innocent and wholesome but lights me up like a sparkler.

The coffee beeps alerting us it’s finished, and we pull apart.

After our mugs fill up, we take them to the living room, where I turn the TV on just so there’s background noise while we sit and drink.

I let him sit first, his long legs curling up under him to be comfortable while he inhales his large coffee cup. I sit closely next to him, my legs pulled up.

It’s so domestic that it brings a grin to my lips.

We finish our cups as we watch whatever is on the TV. I have no clue what’s playing. My thoughts are all on Noel. He snuggles into the couch, legs up, as he sips from his cup, watching the screen.

He’s quiet in the morning, like me. It’s nice to know.

“This is happening, right?” He asks bluntly after a long silence.

I give him my best deadpan expression. “Noel.”

“Okay, okay, sorry, I’m just making sure.”

His cheeks are pink, but he’s smiling.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

That seems to mean a lot to him. He nods slowly.

When it’s time for him to head out, he gives me a hug and a hesitant kiss on my cheek. Like he doesn’t know how to make it seem natural. It’s so fucking adorable.

“Please come stay with me? I really do want you there…”

And because I truly don’t want to be alone, I say yes. “Fine. I’ll come over.”

“Yes!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, doe eyes.” I shove him away, and he laughs.

“Can’t wait to see you again.” His face pinkens.

“You’re adorable when you get all shy on me.”

He rolls his eyes. “Bye, Alex.”