Page 7

NOEL

I'm anxious.

It's not a new feeling. But since Alex didn't show up to practice yesterday, I had this sharp, gut-churning pain… like I'd never see him again. I was desperate, which led to me asking the one person who knows all things about KVA and their students.

Ace.

He told me Alex flew to California, and I had to rein in a panic attack. I'm good at covering them up, acting as if my heart isn't beating three times too fast.

And I called him. Something I never do. Texts? Fine. Calls? Absolutely not. I don't do those.

The fact I called Alex voluntarily means something.

I hope he doesn't ask any questions about it. But knowing him, I'm about to be teased relentlessly.

I'm on my way into the fencing building now, preparing myself for the onslaught of his jokes.

As I pass by Coach Sarah’s door, she tells me we don't need to be in full fencing wear today, so I opt for compression leggings with a Knight's Valor Fencing club shirt. My tight, black stirrup leggings fit comfortably under my loose shorts as I walk into the small practice room. The first thing I hear is a thumping beat coming from a mini speaker placed on the floor. Sometimes during practice, Coach lets us listen to music. I don't care for it. Ace always gets a hold of the speaker first and connects through Bluetooth, playing songs I don't know.

Ace is in pink leggings with a long gray shirt, hands on his knees while shaking his ass on Grady. He turns around, rapping word for word as Grady moves his body along to the music with a big grin, obviously having a blast with Ace like they usually do.

Grady opens his mouth to sing along with him.

Levi walks into the scene with an annoyed shake of his head and grabs his foil to practice by himself.

Alex sidles up beside me, throwing an arm around my shoulder, grinning with a flirty, “Howdy, partner.”

I shrug his arm off me. “What?”

His lips quirk upwards with a tilt of his head, and I notice his bruised eye. How does he get into so many fights? There's a sharp pang in my chest at seeing him hurt. “Just saying hi. Can't I be nice?”

“You're not nice.”

His nose scrunches up. “So mean,” he chastises me. “I thought you missed me.”

I roll my eyes and watch Ace pretend to be a singer with a microphone, still rapping to every verse of the song.

“Where were you?” I try to sound uninterested, but it comes out too blasé, something I am not. Everything I say has meaning, and Alex knows it. I don't just ask people such intrusive questions like where they were or what they were doing. I already know where he was, but I want him to tell me that.

“California,” he responds easily, a little more animated than usual, picking up on my interest.

I try to leave it be; I really do, but I can't help myself. “Why?”

I catch his eyes by accident, and he grins. “Family duties.”

I sigh, mentally exhausted from metaphorically pulling his teeth. “Like what?”

“You're so curious… I'm curious to know why you're curious.” His arm comes back up to use as a prop for his head to lay on my shoulder.

It makes my breath catch in my throat.

“Never mind.”

"Alright, alright, I'll spill—”

“Why is your face messed up?” I interrupt. “Did you get into a fight?”

He laughs, shrugging his shoulders. “Forgot to duck.”

“Okay, Ace! Dance party is over. No more Nicki.” Coach Sarah waltzes in with a little remote in her hand, turning the volume down and cutting off Alex.

“Aww, Cooooach!”

“Coach, what do you know about Nicki Minaj?!” Grady shouts, surprised.

“You can't turn off a song mid- chorus; now the vibes are all off,” Ace complains, putting his hands on his hips.

“The vibes? I've been killing those since '09, buddy. It's not like you all can get any worse.” Coach Sara claps her hands together to get all our attention while Grady and Ace's mouths drop open.

“That was low, Coach,” Ace whispers.

“Fuckin' harsh.”

“Life is harsh.” She grins sadistically.

“Preach,” Alex mutters beside me.

“Box jumps. All of you.” Coach claps again, and we all groan in unison. All of the students participate in this workout as we take turns jumping up on the high box and back down. It's a calf workout and a really intense one. We're constantly using those muscles when we fence, though. Always squatting and moving our legs.

I jump up, bending my knees, and then pop back up and back off. My sweat drips down my face and back, so I pull my shirt up to wipe it away, and my eyes catch on Alex who is staring at my stomach. He notices that I see him watching me, and he winks.

I drop my shirt with a huff of annoyance.

He didn’t get to finish his story, and I want to know about his trip to California.

It's Friday, and everyone is all hyped up for the weekend, so practice is half-assed. At least in our heads it is. Our bodies are being roughed up.

Coach screams at us until we get our shit together and focus, all of us in our own line as we do footwork with the 1, 2, 3, 2, 1 practice. One advance, one retreat, two advance, two retreat, and so forth.

My calves are screaming at me by the end of it

Ace pops up beside me after we finish and smiles. “ Motherfucker that kills me,” he says out of breath, clutching his side.

“Language!” Coach yells out.

“Uhhh mother… chucker?” He corrects himself. Coach thinks about it before nodding once.

“I'll allow it.”

Ace rolls his eyes, turning to speak directly to me. “Let's hang out after school!”

I'm drinking from my water bottle as he watches me with a big grin. I lower it suspiciously. “What?”

“Please, Noel?” He brings his hands together in a begging manner. “I really want you to come over; it'll be so chill. Just hanging out in my basement. My mom is baking cupcakes and cookies for her book club, and she's making extra for me. Come over and let's watch a movie while getting sugar high!” He grins proudly.

“I—well, I don't know if I—” I try to come up with an excuse but I don't have any. I'm free tonight. Obviously. But I haven't done this before. I never accept his offers to hang out. I want to decline like I usually do, but I promised myself I’d try. Try to accept his offers to do things so that maybe this year I can make a friend. Or experience things like hanging out. A foreign concept for me.

“Grady and Levi are coming over, too.”

“Well…”

“I'm still trying to get Alex to come, but he keeps ignoring me. He's been moodier than usual.”

Coach Sarah ends the practice with a loud, "Alright, get your butts out of here. Don't be stupid over the weekend.” She gives the seniors, myself excluded, a pointed glance.

Ace follows me into the locker room, patiently waiting for my response as I change out of my shirt and step into the private shower.

Hearing Alex might come has piqued my interest. I haven't forgotten about his proposal to watch Commander Kendo Demon Assassin at his house. It's been in the back of my mind; even though we've seen each other since then, he hasn't said anything about it. I'm assuming he forgot. It releases tomorrow, so if I go tonight to whatever Ace has going on, I could ask Alex about it in a casual way.

I towel off quickly and change into a hoodie and pants. “I'll go,” I tell Ace, who's done showering. He drops his jaw, eyes like saucers, as he packs up his duffle bag. I don't think he was anticipating me to say anything else after he asked, assuming I'd already turned it down.

“You will?” He screeches, a smile forming in an instant. “Hell yeah! Stargazer is in!”

“What's Stargazer in?” Alex walks past us to his locker, hair damp.

“I texted you about tonight, loser. Movie at my place?”

Alex keeps his eyes forward, opening up his locker. He's only in a towel because he just finished showering. “Yes, I saw the text.” He drops his towel, and my eyes quickly avert to the strings on my hoodie, pulling them straight out while I ignore my embarrassment.

It's not because it's Alex. I just don't feel comfortable looking at anyone 's naked form.

“So? Are you coming or what? I just got Noel to say yes.”

I can see him pulling underwear on, then loose sweatpants, from my peripheral. “Is that right?”

His locker slams shut, and I glance over to find him in matching black clothing. He tugs on a baggy hoodie, keeping the hood up.

I nod. “Yeah. I'll be there.”

His brows shoot up before his head tilts to the side. “Wow. Noel socializing . What a novelty. Guess I'll see you there.” He grins. Picks up his bag and walks out of the locker room before I can respond to his very rude comment.

Ace whoops loudly.

“What time should I get there? And where do you live?”

“Texting you now.” He pulls his phone out. “Come around seven.”

“Okay. So, I'll see you later?” I shove my bag high up on my shoulder. He nods excitedly and winks. I drop my eyes to the floor and give him a little wave before leaving the locker room.

When I get home, I find mom at the stove making us dinner.

“How was your day, sweetie?” She stirs the noodles while staring at her phone that's propped up.

“Good. Um—I actually have plans tonight with my team. I'll be hanging out at one of their houses. I think we're baking? and to watch a movie.”

She spins around with wide eyes, clutching at imaginary pearls. “What?! Honey, that's great!”

I scoff, hiding my smile. “Figured you'd think so.” I stare down at the floor in embarrassment. “It's okay that I go?”

She huffs. “Absolutely! Will you be staying for dinner?”

“Yeah, it's not until later.”

“Text me when you get there and when you leave.”

“I will.”

Her tone softens. “I love you. And I’m really proud of you. I know this isn’t easy… but taking a risk can be rewarding!”

I give her a tight hug, my head towering over her short body. “Yeah… Love you, Mom.”

We eat dinner together, and she tells me how work is going. She eventually gets a call, and I leave her to get ready.

I change into a casual pair of gray joggers that have a drawstring waist and a loose, dark blue shirt with an anime logo that no one will recognize. I fix my hair and brush my teeth, putting a little more thought into my routine for some reason. Flossing and applying moisturizer to my face. When I think I'm decent enough, I grab a phone charger and sit on my bed, nervous anxiety already starting to make its presence known. It's not all because I'll be with them in a setting that's casual, but because of Alex. Like it usually is.

I lay back and use my phone to browse an article on the recent news that NASA is going to crash a spacecraft into an asteroid. It helps ease some of my fidgeting, my mind focusing on something that I love.

When it's nearing time to leave, I head downstairs and give mom a goodbye hug, where she holds on to me entirely too long. I'm sure it's because she's nervous too, but for different reasons. I walk to the gate where I've parked my car and unlock it using my key directly in the door.

It's an old, basically decrepit vehicle, but I take good care of it. I tutored last year and saved up enough to pay half. I usually don't have any issues with it, but when I try to start it, it makes a noise that wasn't there when I used it an hour ago.

Crap.

I try again, but nothing happens.

Oh. My battery is dead.

I could jump it, but it could be completely dead, and I'd have to jump it again when I leave. I sigh, disappointed in this turn of events, but a little relieved too. Now I do have a reason to say no.

I send a text to Ace explaining my situation, and exactly one minute later he texts back.

What!? I'll come get you! Send me your address. I'm coming.

“Oh man,” I grumble. “Not what I thought was going to happen.” I text back my address and a thank you.

Mom comes outside wearing a frown. “What's wrong?”

I open my door, and she comes around to look at me. “I think my battery is dead.”

“Oh, baby… I can drop you off before work?”

I forgot she works at the hospital tonight.

“No, it's okay; someone is picking me up.”

“Yeah? Well good. Go have fun and forget about the car. I'll figure something out.”

“No, I've got it. Don't worry about it. You have enough on your plate.”

She smiles, but it doesn't light up her face like it usually does when she's happy. She's upset right now, and I know it's because car batteries aren't exactly cheap, not when we live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford an extra three hundred dollars, which I wouldn't have her pay for anyway. I want to take up another tutoring gig, but she's so insistent on me not working while in school. She wants all my focus on having a normal school year, not worrying about a job.

She gives me a kiss and then gets in her car, leaving me standing against my own car while I wait.

It doesn't take long before I hear the thumping bass of… I turn and see a sleek, white vehicle.

It's Alex's.

He pulls up right beside me and waits. I huff a breath of annoyance before walking over and opening the passenger side door, getting in with a slight twinge of embarrassment.

He's looking forward, hands on the wheel.

“Why didn't Ace pick me up?” I ask, voice low.

He turns his head and looks me up and down like I'm stupid. “He sent me.”

“Why did you accept?”

“Because I knew it'd annoy you. Well, that and I showed up an hour before he told me to, so I've been watching Katherine frost cookies for the past forty-five minutes.”

My eyebrows furrow. “Right.”

He shifts into drive and shoots off down the road. “They're dying to spend time with you. Expect twenty questions. ”

“Why twenty?”

He glances at me for a few seconds, then slowly blinks. “I almost want to take you to a lab and have you dissected. You could be an alien.”

“I'm not an alien.”

“Exactly what an alien would say. You do love the stars a little too much , stargazer. Seems suspicious.”

As he drives, I remain silent and glare at his stupid face—unimpressed.

When he makes a turn, I notice we've pulled into his neighborhood. “Oh. You both live here?”

“Yup. How is it that you have no friends but attract the attention of three of the most popular guys at school?”

“I'm not friends with them. They're my teammates.”

“So stubborn. You should let Ace be your friend. You could have fun with someone like him.”

“Fun? What do you mean?”

“He's adventurous and daring. You aren't. Perfect friend match.”

I roll my eyes at him. “And Grady?”

“They're joined at the hip. If you hang with one, you hang with two.”

I hum my acknowledgement. He turns to look at me for a second. “I'm being serious; you should hang out with us more often.”

I breathe out through my nose harshly at Alex pushing me into being his friend. What a dick.

“And Levi?”

Alex turns back to the road. Instead of taking the first right, he turns left and we pass house after house. They're all so large. Like Alex's.

“Well, every friend group needs a broody asshole. He’s theirs. Or maybe I am,” he questions, sounding amused and unsure. He pulls into a driveway where two other cars are parked out front.

As we both get out of the car, I take in Alex's outfit. I'm curious about everything he says, does, and wears, like a weirdo. Always in dark tones, he looks nice, clean, and polished. He's wearing a black hoodie with some kind of gothic font up the sides, a matching pair of joggers with the same gothic font, and blindingly white strings untied on both pieces. I glance down at his white shoes that look brand new, with black details on the side. He's always dressed so mindfully, like he truly thinks over what to wear and what looks best on him.

It's cold outside, which I guess he doesn't mind because he doesn't bring any kind of jacket with him and his sleeves are pulled up. I'm in a puffer jacket and still chilly.

He doesn't keep walking like I do but instead stays right beside his car, pulling a cigarette out and lighting up. I catch sight of his forearms while he cups a hand over the cig and flicks his Zippos to light up.

My eyes stay locked on the way they seem to flex with the movement. He's not large by any means, but he's toned and muscular in the same way I am. I have a fleeting thought of how he looks shirtless. He has flat, tight muscle definition from extensive working out. It's admirable.

“Not going inside?” Alex tilts his head back and looks up to the sky, a long stream of smoke billowing in the night air.

“Aren't you coming, too?”

He looks at me, eyes squinting in the dark. “Are you nervous?”

Do I seem nervous? Yeah, I'm definitely nervous. “I don't do this sort of thing. Ever.”

He raises a brow with a smirk. “Hang out?”

I shrug, not embarrassed by my answer. “Yeah.”

Alex tosses the cigarette, no longer interested in it. “Probably ‘cause you're an alien.” I huff and he bites his lip to hide a grin. “Shall we?” He pushes off from the car, grabs my elbow, and steers me forward.

“You don't have to grab me like that. I know where the front door is.”

“It's a big house. And I know how much you hate big houses.”

I can't hide the smile that forms because he remembered my comment. We stroll right up to Ace's home, and Alex opens the door like it's his own. I'm greeted by the scent of all kinds of sugary goods. Cinnamon, vanilla, pumpkin...

“He's back!” Grady yells from somewhere. The house layout is similar to Alex's. A big kitchen connected to the living room with lots of open space and hallways of white and gray tones. The only thing that piques my interest is an oil painting over the stone fireplace of the planet Jupiter.

“Noel is here!” Ace runs at me, hands raised. He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and I freeze up. He's never done this before. “Hope you brought your blankies and toothbrushes, boys, ‘cause this is a slumber party!”

“Fuck no, Ace,” Levi says.

“Get over it. What I say goes.” Ace pulls back, and I get a good look at Grady and Levi, who are on the couch stuffing their faces with brownies and cupcakes. Alex stands by the fireplace, watching me.

“Um. A sleepover?” I take off my jacket and lay it on the back of the couch.

“And we'll give each other facials!” Ace jumps up and down.

“Fucking hell,” Levi groans.

“Great choice of words,” Alex comments.

“The other kind of facial. Though now that idea is planted in my head…” Ace looks around with a sly smile.

"Eww, you pervert!” Levi throws a pillow at him, and he almost falls backwards with the force of it.

Grady sits back, arms going behind his head in a relaxed posture. “You'll get used to them fighting, Noel.”

“And after that we can play spin the bottle,” Ace says, grinning like a devil, clearly enjoying himself as he says things that make Levi progressively angrier.

“Spin the bottle?” I ask, and they all turn to gawk at me. “What's that?”

“Are you for real?” Levi gives me an incredulous glance.

“As real as Ace is about giving us all facials,” Alex supplies not so helpfully.

“No one is giving me a facial!” Levi screams. Grady barks a laugh. “And we're not playing spin the damn bottle with five guys, you fuckin’ freaks. You could have invited the entire team, then we'd at least have girls over.”

“I didn't want them over. I wanted it to be just us. Anyway, we know who the partypooper is.” Ace thumbs in Levi's direction. “Okay, everyone's here, so we can head back down to the basement.” Ace jumps up and down excitedly. “That's where the real fun is.” He takes my hand and leads me down a long hallway with the rest of the guys grumbling behind us. Well, it sounds like Levi is grumbling. Alex seems entertained. “Grady is staying the night but I'm not sure about Levi; he's basically next door so he might walk home… but I'd prefer if you all stayed the night if you're drinking. I guess Alex could walk home, too… Alex, what are you thinking?” We descend the steps and enter an open floor plan with a bar that's flashing rainbow colors, two large couches in front of a theater-sized flat screen that's playing a movie already, and another hallway.

“I'll take Noel home tonight.”

"Aww, but I want you all to sleep over!”

“Maybe next time, Ace,” I tell him softly.

“Fiiiine. Make yourself comfortable. I'm grabbing the drinks I made for us from the mini fridge. Hope y'all like tequila! I also have Bacardi if we're feeling more mellow.”

My eyes widen. “You’re allowed to drink?”

“My mom doesn’t ‘allow’ it per se… more like, turns a blind eye to what I do when I’m home. We’re safe here. She'd rather I do it here than out there.”

Grady makes himself comfortable first, plopping down on the couch. There's a tray with an assortment of freshly baked goods on the table, which Alex helps himself to.

Levi sits at the bartop and watches Ace pull out a bunch of blue drinks with little swords sticking at the top.

“I call it: en garde, fat lard!” He laughs loudly, but nobody laughs or says anything. He puts his hands on his hips angrily. “Nothing? That's quality humor, you dicks. I spent all day on that name. There's only, like, two things that rhyme with fencing terms.”

I watch as Grady cringes. “Ace, are you drunk already?”

"Ugh, what did you put in these drinks?” Levi asks with a grimace as he pulls his mouth away from the glass.

“His dick, probably,” Alex murmurs while grabbing a brownie.

“It's tequila, pineapple juice, and blue Curacao. Why? I just used the recipe from the mixer book. I want to learn how to mix drinks so I can bartend in college!”

“It's so strong.” Levi grimaces. “I’ll have to stay the night at this rate. Probably won’t be able to see straight going home and end up walking into a car…”

“In that case, maybe you should go home tonight,” Alex jokes, making Levi flip him off.

“Lightweight.” Ace widens his eyes comically and stares down at his drink while upturning it, swallowing the entirety.

I turn my attention to Alex and sit next to him on the couch. Not next to him, but on the same couch at least. He's watching the screen where a guy in a suit is shooting at a bunch of other guys in suits.

“What's this?' I ask about the movie, grabbing a brownie.

“John Wick,” Grady tells me, and he must see the blank look I give off because his jaw drops. “John Wick?” Grady shouts incredulously. “You don't know John motherfucking Wick?”

I blink, look at the screen, and back to Grady. “No.”

Alex chuckles beside me, a hand over his mouth covering his lips as he rubs down. I can't help but stare at him, cheeks warming up from his smile alone. Does he find me funny?

“We're starting over. You—” He points at me. “Watch Keanu kick ass.”

“I thought it was John?”

Alex continues to laugh beside me.

“Anyone want one of Ace's toxic as fuck drinks?” Levi asks us, and Grady nods.

Alex shakes his head no, a little smirk lighting up his face as he sings, “Can't mix pills with alcohol.”

“That's right,” Ace mutters. I remember Alex’s medication and am shocked that Ace knows about it too. Alex really is friends with these guys. It's so easy for him. Always has been.

I agree to have a drink only to help settle my nerves. Ace hands one over, then gives Alex a water bottle.

I wince at the strong odor.

Yeah, on second thought…

I put it on the coffee table and leave it alone. Alex scoffs.

I watch the movie, trying my best to calm down and relax and not be a complete mess just because I'm with my teammates.

I text my mom to let her know I'll be home late tonight, and she sends back a smiling emoji with lots of exclamation points. During the next hour, they don't play any games with me, no twenty questions or whatever Alex mentioned. They seem content to just chill, watch this movie, drink, and eat cookies and cakes.

I don't feel pressured to start a conversation, and I'm included in their easy banter when a comment is made about the movie. Mostly it's Levi and Ace, but Grady joins in too. Alex is in his own bubble, and I tend to gravitate towards him more.

Which is why I'm sitting next to him on the couch and spending far too much time looking at him while he watches the movie. Occasionally he'll glance over at me and catch me staring, so I immediately look down and pick at the skin around my nails. He doesn't say anything or look different at me, though. Just watches me for a second while I become a flustered mess before returning his attention to the large screen. I spend most of the time tapping my fingers on my leg, cracking my knuckles, and fiddling with the string on my pants to really pay attention to the movie. A couple times Grady and Levi go outside to smoke and come back smelling like marijuana, so I'm assuming Ace doesn't let them smoke down here.

When the credits roll, I realize early on that Keanu is the actor playing John Wick, hence the joke from earlier. I turn my attention to the others and see that Levi is shit faced drunk by the bar having a spat with Ace. Honestly, I'd think they were fighting if I didn't know how they interacted. Grady is asleep with a cookie in his hand, and Alex is watching me. His head is on the arms couch, turned sideways with his legs propped up on the back. “Like it?”

It takes me a moment to catch up to his question. “Yeah. Blood, gore, and guts. What’s not to like?” I attempt a joke, hoping he remembers. He doesn't smile. I break eye contact and look down at the carpet. “Um. Should we get ready to—”

“Come outside with me,” Alex cuts me off. “I need a smoke.” He stands, stretches his back, and looks at me with a flat expression, waiting.

“O-okay.” I look over at Ace, who's in a debate with Levi, not wanting to interrupt them, but Ace should know where we're going. “Hey, Ace. I'm going with Alex outside. We'll be back.”

Ace nods and gives me two thumbs up, breaking eye contact from Levi for a moment to respond. “Okay!”

I head up the stairs where the whole house is dark. His mom must be asleep by now. I find Alex opening the back door, so I follow him out to a patio, shutting the glass door behind me.

It's so dark I can barely see in front of me, and I bump into Alex. I step back and whisper, “Sorry, I can't see shit.”

He takes my wrist and drags me forward. I don't even question it; I simply follow his lead, with my heart racing at the small skin-to-skin contact.

He pushes me up against the side of the house, my back smacking against the paneling. My arms stay by my side, unmoving. He flicks his lighter, and I watch the flame under his face as he lights his cigarette, dragging in a long inhale of nicotine before glaring at me.

“Do you like me?” The smoke releases on an exhale with his words.

My breathing stutters with the blatant, seemingly out of nowhere question. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He takes his time smoking, leaving me stunned and embarrassed. “You were staring at me during the movie.” Smoke invades my lungs as he blows my way, and I cough, waving a hand through the haziness as it drifts my way. “And you're always giving me wistful, doe eyes .” His voice takes on a dreamy quality that sounds like he's making fun of me.

“You're delusional. There's nothing but hate.” My fingers start to tremble. Pretty sure he hears the shakiness in my voice too.

“I think not. Wanna know what I see?” He leans forward, cigarette between his fingers as he holds his hand out right in front of my face, like he's accusing me. “I see a boy who wants to hate me, but he just can't .” Alex's face is right beside mine, but I still can't see anything. I can only feel. The acrid smoke blowing into my face, his warm chest right there, closing in on me .

“I think you’re curious.” He pauses before continuing. “We could have some fun together, if you want. How about it, doe eyes?” There's an edge to his tone that I haven't heard before. It's a little bit more serious and… sexy? Is he trying to be sexy, or is this just his normal, teasing voice? He takes one more drag of his cig before tossing it down near his unlaced boot and stomping on it.

“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice shaky. He raises his hand and wiggles his fingers; at least I think that's what he's doing. I can hear the smiling taunt in his voice. “Alex… What the hell are you—?”

“Two minutes and I can have your load spilling over my fist,” he interrupts me.

My eyes widen, not quite fully understanding what that means, but knowing it's sexual. “We should go back inside,” I suggest, my body shivering even though I'm burning up. My face is an inferno, and my breathing is going fucking crazy. Is he serious? What the hell is happening right now? Why is he teasing me? Alex has a strange way of joking around, so this has to be him messing with me. He's done this before at practice. Saying I can blow him and other shit. He's such a dick for this though; he's gone too far.

Alex puts a hand on my waist, and my knees almost give out. I squeeze my eyes shut, shuddering at the small amount of contact. He's fucking with me right now. He has to be. No way does he actually want to… do whatever he means to do. My load? Spilling over his fist? What does that even mean?

“Shit, make it one minute. You're fucking trembling,” he says, chuckling. “I bet you've never had someone touch you before, have you?” His hand finds its way to my waistband, and I shift back, hitting the wall with a jerk. I crack open my eyes and try to glare, but I just can't help the rush of emotions I'm going through. Fear, anxiety, excitement. Mostly anxiety though. He's joking, he's joking, he's joking.

“I hate you...” It comes out unsure and confused. He chuckles and crowds me, towering over my head because I'm slouched against the wall. Otherwise, we'd be the same height.

“You don't hate me. You want to kiss me.” His head tilts the slightest bit to the side. Accusatory.

My hands shake behind me.

“I don't like you,” I force out, icy and mean. He has to hear the loathing in my tone.

“Sure.” He chuckles again, and I look away as a foreign heat builds in my stomach; a sensation unlike I've ever felt before making itself present. The chilly resentment turns into burning longing. Longing for some foreign thing I can't place.

“Why are you fucking with me like this?” I whisper. I can hear the shaky, nervous timbre in my question. Shit. Can he pick up on it? The hand at my waist comes up fast and grips my chin, turning my head up and to the side, extending my neck. I don't wiggle away because I find I don't want to.

I can feel his warm breath on my throat. With a ghost of breath and a hint of his parted lips, he glides slowly up my neck, his lips making feather-light contact, barely touching. My chest tightens, goosebumps breaking out on the nape of my neck. His presence so close to me is torture. The sound I make is embarrassing, and I wait for Alex to laugh at me, but he doesn't. It's an exasperated, choked-off sound that makes his hand grip my chin even harder and my eyes flutter closed. Heart thumping erratically in my chest, I stand completely still, waiting for whatever comes next.

He pauses over my neck, breathing me in, and I exhale sharply with a pant.

“Are you going to kiss me?” My question is a hushed whisper, and I'm taken aback that I think I want to try it. To know the way his lips feel and what he tastes like, even though this is all just a joke. It's odd that I'm curious when I don't think about kisses or intimacy in this way. I do not think about boys and girls the same way that people my age do. It's… confusing.

“Do you want me to kiss you?” He asks simply, and I really don’t know what I want.

I turn my head to be level with him, his hand still on my chin, and my eyes shift to his lips, then back up to his eyes. They're dark and low lidded. Sensual. Dangerous.

The patio door creaks open, and Alex steps away from me in a flash, hand dropping my chin as I tense up.

“You guys good?” Grady asks, flipping a switch on that floods the patio with light.

I wince, adjusting to the brightness, and find that Alex is watching me with hooded eyes. I can't imagine how I must look. Red cheeks, hazy eyes, shaky hands. Clearly, we were up to something.

“Just finished my smoke,” Alex responds easily.

Grady gives us a weird, accusatory look for a long time before saying, “Cool. See you back inside. Was worried something happened to Noel.” He shuts the door after giving me an odd once over, checking to make sure I'm okay.

Did he think we were fighting? I mean, sure, Alex gets into fights at school, but he wouldn't hurt me for no reason. And I can protect myself in a fight if it comes down to it. I'm pretty sure I could.

We stand there in uncomfortable silence until I speak. “Um. I-I don't really—”

He chuckles, and my stomach drops.

So, it was him playing around with me, like usual.

“Let's go back in,” he says, detached from emotion. He looks completely unaffected, like he didn't just offer to use his hand to jerk me off. I think.

“Yeah. Okay,” I stammer, still breathing heavily.

“After you.” He tilts his head, still looking at me with dead eyes.

I pretend it didn't happen.

We go inside without a word.

Grady and Ace are on the couch playing a game with controllers in their hands. I don't care to ask about what it is. Alex strolls off down the dark hallway, and I hear a door open and shut.

“What's back there?” I ask no one in particular.

“Bathroom and bedroom,” Ace responds.

“Oh.” I see sleeping bags and pillows spread out on the carpet.

“You’re more than welcome to stay here. I can drive you in the morning.”

"Uh, no, it’s alright. I already let my mom know I was coming back tonight.”

He shrugs. Levi is next to him, half asleep already, rubbing at his eyes.

Alex steps out, walking straight past me, and says, “Let's bounce.”

“Drive safe, Alex!” Ace yells at him and turns back to me with a big smile. “I hope you had a good time. Let’s do this again, okay?”

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Grady turns his head from the game to look at me. “We’re doing this again. John Wick two.” He widens his eyes, pointing at me, searching for a reason for me to say no.

“There’s a second one?” I ask, grinning.

“There’s four.”

"Alright, you should head up before Alex leaves you.”

I head up the stairs quickly, but I find Alex sitting on a stool, chatting with Ace’s mother. The kitchen light is turned on low, and she's in her night clothes, drinking a cup of coffee even though it's eleven at night.

“Theodore made these, although he does add a little more sugar than is needed for this recipe, the little rebel.” She chuckles kindly.

“Um, hey.” I make myself known, Alex barely giving me any indication he hears me. “Who’s Theodore?” I ask, sitting down beside Alex at the island.

His mother is a sweet, tiny, round woman with a smile that is as genuine as Ace’s.

“Oh! Theodore Thomas is my son. I suppose his nickname is what his friends know him as. He prefers that over his name.”

“That’s a nice name; why does he want to go by Ace?”

Alex snorts beside me, turning to smirk at me. “Because he thinks he’s the best.”

“Well, he is the best fencer in the club.” Alex gives me a dull, unamused stare while I turn my attention to Ace’s mom, who’s smiling at us. “Ace is really kind. You raised him well,” I tell her honestly, while grabbing a cookie from the tray set out in front of us.

I drop my gaze so I don’t see her face when she reacts to my statement. But I hear her tiny gasp. “Oh heavens, that is so sweet of you to say.”

I turn my head to see Alex chewing, wiping at his mouth, and then standing up abruptly. “Thanks, Katherine.”

I guess it’s time to go.