Page 15

NOEL

On Monday, we ride our school bus to a local meet for the Y12 Fencing competition, which is thirty minutes away. It’s packed with our teammates. The party Friday night was meant to kick off Christmas break for the Knight’s Valor students, but the fencing club doesn't get to start our break just yet.

Alex is sitting up against the window, not speaking to anyone.

I've been ignoring him since I left his house the morning after his confession. I need space from him, some time to figure out what I want from him now.

Because I gave in too easily when he started crying. I held him close and felt his sobs, his pain. But after I woke up, I was angry again.

He hurt me.

He lied to me.

I shouldn't forgive him so easily.

I need him to answer my questions. I need him to give me something to understand why he did the things he did and what happened back then.

I need him to stop treating me like I'm just anybody. Because I'm not. I'm the boy that wished upon stars with him and felt his hand curl around mine in the freezing cold.

I mean something, dammit.

Levi glares at him from across the aisle. “I swear to fucking God if you start shit with any of those losers, I'm going to murder you.”

Alex turns his head slowly with no change in his expression. “I'm so flattered you spend all your time watching out for me. You're like a lioness protecting her cubs,” he replies, bored.

“Fuck off and die,” Levi mutters, turning red.

“Alright enough of that nonsense,” Coach Sarah interjects. “Noel, I'm looking forward to seeing your progress. Same goes for you, Alex. All of you have been doing really well in practice. How do my seniors feel about this being the last competition of the season?”

"Aww, Coach Sarah, we're going to miss you!” Ace stands up from his position near the middle of the bus and walks forward to envelop her in a tight embrace.

“It's not over yet, moron,” Levi says grumpily.

Grady nods. “We still have practices.”

"Well, let’s go out with a bang,” Ace chatters on. “The Vikings are brutal, but we’re Knights! We’ll slaughter them, won’t we, Alex?” His eyes land on Alex, who’s still staring out the window.

“Can you stop talking like you're in some fucking movie? Ugh, it's embarrassing,” Levi grumbles.

Alex doesn't turn his head but gives him a thumbs up.

“You’re the best on the team, Ace.” I give him a soft smile. “But we’re going to do our best. All for one, right?”

This makes Grady chuckle, Levi groan, and Ace light up in excitement.

It’s the Knights motto. Something we rarely do as a team because it’s so unbelievably cringey.

“And one for all!” Ace finishes all by himself. Even Coach Sarah finds it hard to witness as she visibly shivers. It makes me laugh.

Blame the school.

“One last thing,” Coach Sarah gets our attention again. “We're trying out new designs for our logo, so I had some mockup shirts made with the knights.” She reaches under her seat and pulls out a box with white shirts, grabbing one and holding it up. “Everyone gets one, so grab your size.”

I go back to looking out the window.

Once we arrive, we exit the bus noisily, a group of the girls walking in with us as they talk with Grady and Ace about the party we were all at over the weekend.

I ignore them and keep my eyes on Alex, who is still walking by himself with a closed-off expression.

I keep close to him in case he needs me, an unhealthy habit I’ve developed.

“He looks familiar,” Ace mutters to no one, making his way back to me so we can walk together.

Coach follows the girls towards their locker room, leaving us alone. Being approached by a group of students from our rival school is probably not good news.

“Of course he’s a Viking,” Ace groans, and I catch his meaning when I see the tallest dude heading towards Alex.

I can hear Alex’s resigned sigh of annoyance, recognizing him as well.

The boy from the party over the weekend who Alex beat up.

“Oh, please throw the first punch so I can kick your ass again,” Alex taunts, his mood shifting into a more playful aggressiveness.

I've never been so focused on someone before as I watch the guy size up Alex, as Alex stands relaxed and unaffected by him with both hands in his jacket pockets.

“Back up you two. It’s not the time or place,” I interject calmly. Alex's eyes light up in amusement, wearing a lopsided grin.

“It's just some pre-game banter, doe eyes. No need to worry about me,” Alex teases, finally addressing me for the first time, acting like his jokester self. Fake as fuck.

I sigh, unconsciously rubbing at the nape of my neck. “I'm not.”

“Alexander Madison,” he says tauntingly, with a gross smile. His lip has a cut that's barely closed, and his face is one big yellow and purple bruise.

“Present,” Alex salutes mockingly. “You really should be icing those bruises on your face.” He shivers theatrically. “You look like you got fucked up.”

“Colton, c'mon man, don't do this here,” the guy next to him tries to calm him down. “You can beat his ass at the next party we crash.”

Colton throws him off. “I did some research on you, Alex.” His friend slaps at his forehead, turning around in exasperation, leaving Colton to finish his monologue. “Your dad lives in California, right?”

I watch Alex, his face unreadable as he flexes his hand. A sure sign that this isn't looking good.

“Is that why you moved here? Your parents’ divorce?”

“Enough,” I say loudly. Alex still hasn't reacted.

“You know what's wild? My mom is friends with yours. They go to the same gym. Small town, am I right? Guess what she says about you? Go on, guess.” He doesn't allow time to answer the rhetorical question anyway. “She hates you. She talks shit about you to her friends. Your own mother doesn't even love you.”

Alex flinches.

I punch Colton as hard as I can in the same second. Colton doesn't have time to be surprised by my quick action as he staggers back, hands cupping his face in pain with his mouth gaped open.

“You piece of shit, take that back,” I demand roughly, staring him down with blood pumping angrily in my veins.

He snarls, screaming, “You just broke my nose! Fuck!” He quickly rights himself and runs at me, shoving us both to the floor. Heavy weight is pressed over my body as he throws hard punches at me. I try to block them with my forearms, using my legs to shove him off me as we grapple, fighting for dominance. I end up straddling his stomach and getting a few good fists in before I'm pulled off by multiple hands and shoved out of the way. I don't know who pulls me off.

A whistle blows somewhere.

Alex is standing next to me, his eyes unflinching and narrowed as he watches the man warily, as though he might attack me again. His face is a careful mask, not angry or amused, no signs of a smirk or any expression for me to decipher.

A Viking is holding Colton's arms behind him in a restraint, telling him to calm down. His face is beet red. The rest of the Vikings team come rushing over, upset that one of their guys is clearly hurt and bleeding.

Fuck them. They started it.

I just happened to end it.

“Whoa, okay, I did not expect that.” Ace blinks owlishly at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You alright?”

I nod with a jerk of my head while pushing my hair away from my forehead.“What the fuck happened?” Levi yells, pulling his mask off as he rushes towards us. He looks pissed as usual.

“Would you believe me if I said Noel just punched someone?” Ace giggles in disbelief.

Levi startles, blinking repeatedly before shifting his focus to me.

I don't say anything.

“For fucking real?”

Grady and the coaches all come running over, it’s a little chaotic.

An official referee points his finger at me. “You're flagged. No fencing for you.”

Yeah, well, obviously. I figured as much.

Shooting a quick glance in Alex's direction to see if his reaction has changed, I find he's already watching me, eyes hard and inquisitive.

Coach Sarah puts her hand on my shoulder to force me off the floor and towards the lockers.

“Let's go.”

“Well, I hope you're happy. You're eliminated from everything today. All that practice went to waste.” Coach rubs her temples.

“I wouldn't say it was a waste.”

She sighs. “I commend you for sticking up for your teammate, but you should have come to me instead. I would have pulled their coach aside and told them he was making inappropriate comments.”

“He was about to assault Alex. I had to step in.”

“So, your solution was to assault first?”

“It was quick thinking.” I shrug with one arm.

“Uh-huh. I can see you're still upset. Just grab another drink and calm down while the others fence. We can talk about this later.” She stands, shoving a hand into her blond hair, clearly frustrated with my actions.

I don't regret them.

She leaves me alone in the locker room with silence. My back hits the lockers with a thunk as I lay back, legs spread. I have already packed my vest and face mask, leaving my chest exposed as I haven't changed into my after clothes yet.

Their locker room is larger than ours; the colors of the lockers are a deep blue with white floors.

I don't have time to think about what came over me because a door bangs open and Alex strides in with his mask off and foil in hand.

“Well, if it isn't my knight in shining armor,” he says dryly. “Hey, Noel, what the fuck?” He walks straight toward where I'm sitting on the floor.

“What?” I ask, already annoyed with his stupid face and bullshit attitude.

He squats down to my level, and I can see how pissed he is.

“Don't get snarky with me; why did you do that?”

I huff. “That's a stupid question.”

Alex grabs my chin, gripping it tight with his fingers. “Why would you hit him when you won't even hit me?” I attempt to move away, but he holds my head still and won't let me go. I'm forced to glare at him.

“I've told you before, I never wanted to hit you.”

“But you hit him?” His tone is calm, almost bored.

My glare falters when I glance down, away from the intense scrutiny. I'm feeling hot all over, and I swallow loudly in the silent room.

“Look at me,” he demands casually, saying the exact same thing when I was under him the night of the party. After I kissed him. My eyes are on him in an instant. My breath hitches. We remain locked together in a strange trance-like state, but I am unable to determine whether he is angry at me for what I did, ashamed, or upset.

“I don't want to see you hurt,” I admit.

He leans in close and blinks, his eyes darting over my face and to my mouth. Voice low, he whispers, “Did he hurt you?” Inspecting my face for any injuries, I scoff.

“No. I can handle a few punches.”

He shoves my face back without force, letting my jaw go with a huff of laughter. “Such a tough boy.” He stands, hands positioned on his hips. “You feel good about yourself now you can't participate in the tournament? All those stupid bouts for nothing.”

“Why are you here? Shouldn't you be fencing right now?”

He shrugs.

“Are we going to talk about us?”

“Us? What's there left to say? You're Noel, and I'm Alex.”

“We were friends ,” I snap, finally addressing the elephant in the room.

Lips curling into a smirk, Alex takes my words into consideration. “And you want to be friends again, is that it?”

A beat passes before I'm sighing heavily, head shaking in disbelief. “You're an asshole.”

“You knew this already,” he responds easily, shrugging.

“Are we also not going to talk about what happened in your bed?”

He squints menacingly. “Are we also not going to talk about how you kissed me?” An evil smirk forms, and his eyebrow rises as if to mock me.

I stand, Alex following me as I make my way over to my open bag, pulling out a clean shirt. He hovers beside me. “Drunk mistake,” I grumble, looking down at my bag, not wanting him to see my blush.

“Excuses, excuses. And your excuse for throwing the first punch today is that you didn't want to see me hurt? That's almost sweet,” he coos in a condescending way. I pay it no mind.

“Whatever. I made my choice, and I'd make it again. That asshole deserved to get hit.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes. He shouldn't have said that.”

I don't know the whole story about his parents. There's so much I don't know about Alex. But seeing him flinch like that did something to me. Before I have time to put a shirt on, his hand touches the back of my neck, the barest amount of pressure being applied to turn me around. Fingers gently touch my stomach before his hand grabs at my ribs to push, forcing me backwards until I hit the cold lockers again with a grunt.

“You sound almost possessive of me.”

My heart races as he covers my bare side with a gentle palm. He glides lower down my body, and I startle, my hand shooting out to grip his wrist. “What are you doing?” I stand still, shocked by his boldness.

Alex leans in close. The puff of his exhale blows across my face, minty and intoxicating. “What does it feel like I'm doing?”

My eyes shut. “Are you messing with me again?”

“You always think I'm messing with you…” His voice lowers into a ragged whisper. “Maybe I just want to touch you.” His face reveals no hint of a joke. He almost looks and sounds vulnerable.

Fingers brush over my stomach; I shiver and take a sharp breath.“Alex, what—” I swallow past the large amount of saliva I've acquired,”—what is happening?”

He chuckles lightly, his nose skimming over my neck like he's breathing in my scent. “You're seriously such an idiot.” He sounds almost… fond. “It's the most endearing thing about you. Even when we were kids, it was cute.”

“I'm not an idiot.”

“No, just a little slow when it involves flirting.”

“Are you…” I trail off, not sure what I want to ask.

He sighs, annoyed. “I’m bisexual.”

I blink. “Oh.”

“You do know what that means, then?”

“Yes.”

All this time, the jokes he made about me were… not jokes? That's not possible. Do I like this? My body sure feels like it does. I'm all hot and fidgety. Is this what sexual desire for another person is like? Am I sexually attracted to Alex? Is Alex attracted to me? Does he even like me? I was just trying to be friends again, but this… I guess this works too.

He tilts his head, eyes hard and piercing. “I know you said you weren't into anyone—”

“I like your hands on me,” I say in a rush.

He huffs. “Good.” He gives my bottom half a pointed glance, traveling back up to my face. Because he can tell I'm aroused. My dick makes a rigid line in my pants. I'm actually sporting a hard-on, and it's because of him.

My eyes wander to his lips unconsciously. They're just lips, but his are pretty. Soft and a light shade of pink, his bottom lip slightly bigger. And they're not chapped at all. In fact, his lips have a sheen of something like chapstick over them.

Something clenches in my belly. A hot, overwhelming craving I've never felt before.

Want.

The longer I stare at his mouth, the more I want to press my lips against his to taste him again.

I've never wanted to taste anyone's lips before. Except Alex's.

He smirks. I watch it happen slowly. Then one hand grasps my chin, and the next second he's doing it. Kissing me.

I immediately freeze up. He senses my hesitancy and pulls back while keeping his hand on my chin, angling me in the direction he desires. The shock of actually having his mouth there terrifies me completely.

“Was I your first kiss?” he whispers blankly, but he might also be slightly stunned. “When you drunkenly kissed me?” He seems so amused by that.

I blink nervously, nodding with a jerk of my head. “I don't know what I'm doing.”

“Shit, Noel. You've never done anything before?” Pausing, he bites his lip in thought. “It's okay,” he breathes, his voice making my eyes close. Long fingers snake into my hair behind my head so he can grip my hair at the roots. My head tilts back as he pulls gently, and I close my eyes, throbbing from all the attention he is giving me. “Just follow my lead.”

Alex's lips slowly connect with mine again, but this time the tip of his tongue licks at my bottom lip. My mouth parts, letting his tongue caress mine meticulously, skilled in every wicked twirl of tongue in that sinful mouth of his. “Yeah, like that,” he breathes against my mouth. A hungry, whimpering moan leaves my throat involuntarily at the praise. Fingers twitch in my hair when he hears it, and my scalp pulls with his rough treatment. Panting, I lean my head back and find that I like the small bite of pain.

What is happening to me?

Kissing Alex is overwhelming. I've never felt this before. Knowing whose mouth is on mine makes it almost unbearable. Not because I don’t want this with him, but because it is him.

Before whatever this is with Alex, masturbation wasn't on my mind. It was never a priority, not when I had so many other hobbies to keep me entertained. I've had the occasional pesky boner pop up, of course. They were just part of a growing teens' hormonal nuisance that I didn't care to do anything about most of the time. I can count on one hand the number of times I've taken myself in hand and finished without much thought, giving me a moment of pleasure. It doesn't happen often because… I've never been turned on by anyone or anything like I am right now. Never been interested in any girl or boy before now, and in that way. But I have always had deep feelings for Alex. Whether it be friendship at first, to resentment and hate, and then to whatever this is now.

I'm hot and trembling, completely drunk over him right now. I want him.

My hands fumble at his waist, pulling him closer to my body as we continue to kiss. Alex's kisses are harsh, commanding, and playful, but that's exactly how I'd describe Alex on a good day. He leads, and I follow. He shows me what to do and how to do it. I'm his student in this, wanting to please him by doing well. When he licks into my mouth and swirls his tongue around my tip, I do the same thing back to him. He shivers against me, showing me that I'm doing well.

He presses his hard chest against me, and I feel his erection rubbing over my own hardness. Jerking my hips, I try to get even closer, wanting more than anything to know he's enjoying this. And knowing that he's just as hard sends me spiraling into euphoria. He’s hard for me. I made him this way.

Oh shit. I feel like I’m going to come.

I turn my head, cutting off our hot makeup session so I can gasp his name. “Alex, I—I think I need to stop.”

His mouth moves down my throat, nipping and kissing at my neck. He bites, sinking his teeth into my skin as my eyes roll back, my head hits the wall behind me, and I whimper, revealing more of my neck for him to ravish because it feels so good. He licks at the brutal bite, soothing the sharp sting, and I pant with little gasps, making it hard to breathe properly.

“Am I going too fast?” he questions, voice low and wiped of all humor. Something about the sweet way he asks makes my heart clench. The words that Alex speaks, the way he makes me feel—it's all too much. My erection throbs, my balls heavy and aching for release.

“No, that's not it…”

“Are you close?” he teases breathily, and I'm too hard to care about being embarrassed. When I don't say anything back, he lifts his head from my neck and raises an eyebrow.

I glare back, and he blinks, stepping away, giving us space. I immediately miss the skin-to-skin contact. “Yeah. We can stop.”

I don't expect him to say he'll stop, and I can feel my eyebrows scrunch together in question. Did he really stop because I told him to? He must have realized how embarrassing that would be for me if I came. But why would he care about that? That's his favorite thing to do—make me blush while he teases me relentlessly.

I adjust myself quickly, a blush heating my cheeks. The sexual tension seems to simmer down as I collect myself. Alex still looks cool as a cucumber. Unaffected and bored. Except he's sporting a boner too.

He's so damn frustrating. Can't even show off that I turned him on.

“What are we doing?” I shake my head.

“We were kissing. How much sex education have you had?”

“I know what that was. What is it that we're doing, Alex? I need you to tell me what you are feeling because I'm not good at deciphering things, and kissing means things.”

I think I said that right.

“It means I want to suck your dick, but kissing seemed like the proper first step.”

My brows raise in shock. “What? You want to—” I lower my voice to a whisper, “— suck my—”

“By golly, I think he's got it,” Alex interrupts me.

Glaring, I growl out his name. “Alex.” I hate meeting his eyes, but I force myself not to look away so he can see how serious I am.

One blond eyebrow raises. “Noel,” he whispers my name conspiringly.

“We need to talk about all this. You're so hard to talk to.”

“You're the one that left me alone the day after I confessed what you mean to me and then wouldn't text me back, ignoring me. How am I the bad guy here?”

“Because you refused to talk to me! You still haven't said anything!”

He sighs. “I'm listening. Go ahead and ask your questions.”

I grit my teeth, ignoring his defiant nature. “What happened the night of the meteor shower?”

“Pass.”

“Alex… it’s me. You can talk to me.”

“I said pass.”

I huff, but change my question. Maybe it’s because we’re at a competition and he’s not comfortable answering it in the open like this. “Do you like me? As more than a friend does?”

He stills. “Next question.”

“What? No, answer me!”

“ Like you? Hmmm.” He taps his chin. “Is it Tuesday?”

I blink. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I only like you on Tuesday's.” He shrugs.

“Stop making everything into a joke!” I yell, but it doesn't faze him in the slightest. His eyes look dead again, like I'm one big fucking punchline. I back away from him before I slap him for real. It hurts to hear him be so nonchalant. I'm embarrassed and hurt that I let him grope me and lick my mouth all for him to end up treating me like this? Alex has always been my weakness. And this is low. He can't be real with me for even a few minutes. After everything that transpired Friday night between us, he is acting like it never happened. Like it's just another day. I'm sick of it. He can come to me when he's ready to talk.

“I hate you,” I reply angrily, matter of fact.

He grins. “Liar.”

I scoff. “That's funny coming from you, the biggest liar I’ve ever met.”

Despite the fact that I am shirtless and still have to wait for the bouts to end, I ignore him and grab my duffle bag before leaving the room and slamming the door behind me.

I don't even get to enjoy the memory of his lips on mine because he fucking ruined that too.

I wait for the team to finish up while sitting on the bleachers.

It’s a long, annoying wait while I watch all the bouts finish up. I drink from my water bottle and try my best not to stare at Alex. Even though we’re all dressed similarly, I know who he is. His confidence is a dead giveaway. It’s the way he stands.

If I had to explain it, I’d say it’s the sway of his tiny waist and the cock-sure vibes of “ I can beat all you fuckers if I actually gave a shit about this sport.”

When it starts to wrap up, I shove my water bottle into my bag while barely listening to the announcer speak. I see Ace remove his mask, a big grin on his face after winning so many bouts. I’m proud of all he’s accomplished; he really deserves this moment, so I clap along with the audience and shout out his name.

“Go Ace!” I whoop loudly. His mom is in the stands with us, along with Grady's. My mom had to work, but she would have taken off if I asked. I told her not to worry about it, she's already seen me fence, and I'm even more grateful that she wasn't able to see what I did to that guy.

The Knights did well, all things considered. Most of our team players have wins.

The announcer speaks with Ace, a microphone shoved in his face. The crowd is all cheering for him. Then the announcer moves to Alex, asking a question, and Alex’s smile is anything but genuine. It’s scary. Taunting.

His attention is very clearly on the guy I punched, standing across the room, who also wasn't able to fence today. “I just need the mic real quick, if you don’t mind, sir.” Alex takes the microphone from the man and walks off with it, a pep in his step. “Hello everyone, thanks for coming. Great fencing today! Not so much from the Vikings, though. You guys need to work on all that unsportsmanlike behavior.” He waggles a finger in reprimand. “But I'm not here to shit talk you all, no, just to one of your teammates.” He spins around and stares at the Vikings, who are pissed, rightfully so. “Colton, how does it feel to be a talentless, weak-minded loser ?”

The crowd goes deadly silent. There's commotion around the tables where the adults are sitting. “Cut the mic!” one of them says loudly, and they scramble to find the button as Alex continues to talk, on and on, Grady wrestling with him to get the microphone out of his hands.

“—purposely cut your hair to look like a pig face fuck or are you naturally ug—”

“Okay!” Another microphone cuts in, and Alex can't be heard anymore. “That’s enough of that, young man,” the announcer says, taking the device from Alex, who’s grinning, all while sticking up both middle fingers towards the Vikings team, notably one person. They have to hold back Colton again. The audience boos loudly, a few shocked gasps from the parents, and the judges start to discuss what they’re going to do with Alex. They have a furious expression on their faces.

This is bad.

But I can’t help the tiny grin that forms. I laugh once, mostly under my breath. The rest of our team looks resigned. Alex’s wins will be revoked and his rating will stay the same, but it’s the end of our competitions for us Knights.

This is it.

Coach Sarah will still give us practices and help teach us things, but if we want to compete, we search our individual competitions ourselves to further our ratings.

Coach looks officially done with all of us if her long, heavy sigh is any indication. It's comical to no one but me.

She knew Alex didn't care about this competition anyway; is it that much of a shock he’d do this? He doesn't care about his rating or getting ahead of others.

He either plays with his whole heart or he barely lifts his hand to engage in a bout. It's a fifty-fifty chance most days.

He plays for fun, even though he says he plays to win.

“I regret ever putting you two together.” Coach shakes her head.

I chuckle quietly. “It was already too late for that.”