Page 38
ALEX
One week later…
We’re sitting outside at a patio bar, under an umbrella.
The weather is sunny and somewhat warm.
Noel is beside me, holding my hand.
I feel like I could throw up any second.
It took me a few days to reach out, and when I did, my aunt wanted to meet as soon as possible. It was a relief to know she wanted to see me. She has so much to tell me. Things to give me.
“She’ll be here any minute,” Noel mutters unhelpfully.
I exhale in a gust of anxiety.
I start to stand up so I can run to the toilet and throw up my breakfast, but then I see her.
I already had an idea of what she looked like from the photo, but seeing her in real life is breathtaking.
She’s beautiful. Blond hair up in a ponytail, wearing a blue dress and a pretty smile. Roxy. My aunt.
She opens her mouth to speak, and my chest caves in, a choked gasp leaves my lungs. She looks at me with so much compassion and love, it’s like I’m looking into Noel’s eyes.
Except hers are the same color as mine. She places her hands on my shoulders to properly look at me, and then she pulls me in for the biggest hug, bigger than any hug I had ever gotten from my father or Sophia.
“I’ve been hoping to meet you again, Alex…” Her sweet, soft voice is like a balm over every wound I’ve been inflicted with all these years. It’s a comfort to hear. “I have so much to explain. I’ve waited for this for so long… hoping… you’d come looking for answers.”
“I met you before?”
“Yes, you were just a baby. Allie brought you to visit me once. She was so excited to show you off.”
I blink incredulously at her words. She was excited?
Roxy sighs wistfully. “We should sit down, yes?” She asks, smiling. She turns to Noel. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you.”
Noel holds his hand out, and she takes it. “It’s so good to meet you,” he replies, full of excitement. “I’m Noel.”
“Noel.” She nods thoughtfully. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a white envelope. Caressing the font on the front of the seal. It’s never been opened.
I catch the name written in cursive.
Alexander .
“Before I give this to you, I want you to know a little bit of backstory. I’ll be brutally honest with you, Alex. Your father manipulated my sister and abused her. It might be hard to hear all this, but I promise to tell you every truth of what I know.”
I nod, clenching my jaw.
“I tried to get custody of you, Alex. But your father is a very powerful man. He…had connections. And he’s also your father, while I’m just… your aunt. With my sister’s suicide, I really didn’t have a case. He was your father; he was wealthy, and my sister was a very sick person in everyone’s eyes. After that… I gave up. I hoped for a better future for you since you were his son. I left it alone and told myself it would be better if you didn’t know what your father did. What your mother went through…”
“I understand.”
She smiles softly, but it’s sad.
“I think Allie would have wanted me to tell you—” She covers her mouth and closes her eyes for a moment. Opens them to stare at me seriously. “—she loved you.”
I inhale a shaky breath, then try to swallow, but am unable to do so. My teeth grind hard.
“My sister was ill… her heart and her brain were so at war with each other. I don’t know how to explain it correctly. She thought she was worthless a lot. As if her being alive was a burden to the world. She was so young…” Her eyes glaze over in memory. “She was just eighteen when she had you.”
I swallow the bile rising in the back of my throat.
She begins to tell me the truth.
Allie was a maid in my father’s home. She was poor, uneducated, and naive. She was also in love with my father, and he promised her a good life. My aunt says it was rape, but that Allie didn’t see it that way because she loved him. Then one day he brought home Sophia… and Allie understood that she was never his. Their secret life together was not real.
It was Sylas manipulating her.
When she realized, it was already too late. Allie tried to leave and take me with her, but she didn’t make it. My father stopped her and made her believe she’d have no chance raising me alone, that the court would rule in his favor, and she believed it all because of his money and influence. He made her think it was the right thing to do. For me. He had all the money, all the fame, and all the power.
Allie felt trapped, like there was no way for her to win. She was depressed and scared and tried to kill herself once before, which resulted in her realizing she couldn’t take care of herself, and especially not a baby. It was a spiral of bad decisions. She felt like she had no hope.
She killed herself.
“My sister was so depressed,” my aunt says, wiping at her eyes. “I wish I could turn back time. I tried to help her…I should have fought harder for her to get help. I should have done more for you after her death.”
Noel squeezes my hand at the mention of wishes.
“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
She smiles, and it’s beautiful. So natural and sweet. “You remind me so much of her, Alex. She would have loved to see the young man you grew up to be.” She turns to look at Noel fondly, with a sly smirk. “She would have loved seeing you with your partner, too.”
I break, right in the middle of the restaurant, tears and sobs and a fucking bleeding heart, out in the open for everyone to witness. I try to be quiet but then Noel rubs circles in my back. My aunt reaches over the table to hug me, and I reach forward to hug her back. It's like a piece of my life is glued back together, righting itself.
I don’t hate her, not at all. And my mom… She was just a teen with a baby… I can understand better than anyone the mental toll that took on her. I suffer with the same mental health issues. The depression, the bad thoughts, all of it. It wasn’t her fault. She just felt like she didn’t have any other options. She wanted out of this life. She thought she was giving me more than she could offer.
Roxy hands me the envelope with a smile. “I hope this brings you peace.”
NOEL
It takes three days for him to open the box.
There’s lots of memories to go through as we sit and open the lid, finally going through the pictures his aunt gave him.
Allie was a beautiful girl. The first few pictures are baby pics. We laugh at her chubby cheeks, going through every photo meticulously. He touches the picture with hesitant fingertips, caressing her face reverently.
The next batch is Allie playing on a swing set, a big smile lighting up her face. She looks exactly like Alex did as a kid, and I tear up.
On the outside, she looked happy. But we know the truth.
Alex sighs beside me.
I pick up another batch from the bottom as he continues to look at her on the swing.
I gasp when I see it.
Alex turns to see what I found, and his eyes widen.
In the photo, Allie is in fencing gear, foil in hand.
“Holy shit,” I say, looking back to Alex in shock. His eyes begin to shimmer. “Your mom fenced!”
He takes the photo and stares at it, slowly smiling as a tear drips down his cheek.
I wipe at my own eyes, so incredibly happy to know they shared this connection.
“You really are her son, Alex. Just look. You’re so similar.”
He bites his lip hard.
“Have you read it yet?” I ask softly.
“Not yet.”
I nod. “You’ll get there eventually.”
“I… don’t want to read it alone.” He looks at me instead of the photo. “Will you sit with me when I do it?”
I can’t help it. I reach out a hand to cup his cheek. “Absolutely, yes. Anything you need.”
He shuts his eyes and breathes in softly. “Let’s do it.”
“Now?”
He nods repeatedly, like he’s psyching himself up.
“Okay.”
We sit on my bed crossed-legged, both on the same side, so we can read it together. Alex takes a moment to just stare at the envelope and then carefully rips the top open.
He takes a deep breath in. Pulls the letter out, and opens it.
My heart is beating frantically, and it’s not even a letter for me.
Below, we start to read the last words his mom meant for Alex to read.
Alex,
Hey kiddo,
I don’t know if you’ll ever read this letter, but I have to write it.
The last time I saw you, you were crying. I hate to hear you cry. It’s not your fault, you’re just a baby. And I’m just… a kid myself, still.
I gave you up, to your father, and I’m sorry for that. I hope he treats you well and gives you a good life.
I want to explain myself, and maybe you can understand me because you’re my son.
I don’t hate you… really, I don’t. I actually think you’re pretty cool. As far as babies can be cool. I’m not really sure about other babies. I’m not really good with kids.
I was in a lot of pain when I had you, and I don’t mean physically, (although that hurt like a motherfucker, too.)
I just can’t be happy. I rarely was, growing up. But it was so much harder after getting pregnant with you. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I just want to sleep and never wake up.
I’m sorry if that’s hard to hear. I don’t want to make you sad.
I just want you to understand that it isn’t because of you.
I’ll watch over you if that’s something you want. Hopefully you will forgive me one day. I guess I’ll be up in the stars, looking over you. If you see a shooting star, that’s me saying hi.
Maybe in another life I could be the kind of mother you deserve. Until we meet again. Live your life and know it's okay to not be strong all the time.
Just live.
I turn my head, and Alex has his eyes shut again. Tears stream down his face. And then he starts to laugh.
Full on cracking up at the letter.
“Alex…?”
His laugh trails off into something hysterical, and I laugh a little too, unsure of what’s so funny. “I don’t understand. Are you happy?”
He stops laughing, still smiling, but this time it’s aimed at me.
“She knew. She fucking knew.”
“Knew what?”
He breathes out harshly, his eyes shiny with vulnerability. “That I needed you.”
“She… knew?”
He nods, still laughing. “She sent me you, Noel.”
“What?”
Alex places the letter in the box and comes to kiss me with so much raw emotion it takes me by surprise to go from crying to something visceral and deep.
Alex continues to kiss me harshly, hands gripping the back of my hair and pulling. I gasp in pain, taking his mouth with a bite to his lip.
Not long after that, I’m being fucked into the mattress with slow, deep strokes. My legs are over his shoulders, and he takes his time with me.
Right before I come, he takes my mouth with a slow, languid kiss, and it drags out my orgasm with how emotional it all feels. It’s making love, but more.
He doesn’t need to say anything.
I can feel it.
We have the universe at our fingertips.
I don’t know if there’s such a thing as being meant for each other, or soulmates, or yin yang, or if wishes come true on shooting stars, but I’m eternally grateful to be here with Alex. To be his best friend, his boyfriend, his everything.
And if his mom had something to do with us meeting and falling in love, well…
Thank you, Allie. I’ll take care of him from now on. I’ll be his family.
All we want to do is just…
Live.
THE END
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 38 (Reading here)
- Page 39