Page 8 of Cueball & Double-Z (Alpha’s Rejects #5)

There was no point in disputing it with Stone or even saying anything. What would be the point? Nothing would change. I had no desire to find love. I was happy for them, but love wasn’t for me. Never again. I didn’t trust myself.

But for right now, I felt warm, being surrounded by this growing family that I wasn’t quite a part of.

Even so, I loved the chaos from their incessant chatter, teasing, and laughter.

It made me feel alive. Whenever it got overwhelming, I could get up and head home to my apartment alone for some much-needed silence, and no one would ever notice. Who knew? Maybe they did.

I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my thighs, watching them all.

Jazz and Blondie, the twins, were bickering as always, but I knew they’d protect each other with a fierceness only twins understood.

Stix and Stone headed off to skate, Stone never leaving Stix’s side, being the obsessed and possessive demi that he was.

And Stix ate up the attention, loving to be in the center of it all.

Pippin and Nacho were perpetually curled up with each other if they weren’t skating.

They had a dysfunctional codependency, which rarely worked for others, but it did for them.

Ajax was tossing Aiden over his shoulder as he loved to do.

Aiden bitched and smacked Ajax’s ass, but he adored it, not that Aiden would ever admit it.

It was the attention Ajax gave him that he loved the most. Then there was Alpha, on the flat concrete surface, trying to relearn to skate, with Harley always hovering like the mother hen he was.

They were all good people.

Watching them made my eyes sting, bringing me back to a place I wished I could forget, but I also wanted to return to with a fierceness that left my lungs feeling as though they were about to collapse. I could do neither. When I reached that point, it was time to go.

No one noticed when I slipped away and lit a smoke, tucked my board under my arm, and walked back to my apartment building. As I did, a memory caught up with me before I was ready. It hit me out of the blue like a punch to the gut.

I’m leaving my formal logic class, my backpack slung over my shoulder as I make my way back to my dorm to have lunch before I have to head back out to my human memory class. The days are cooling down, and the leaves are turning red and orange. The campus is gorgeous and alive at this time of year.

I’m not paying attention as someone suddenly bumps into me, dropping all his books and papers on the brick sidewalk on campus.

“Crap, crap…” he hisses, squatting and scrambling to pick everything up.

I bend down with him and pick up a textbook on race and ethnic politics in America before handing it to him.

He looks at me with dark brown eyes that reflect the color of the trees, making them almost coppery and ethereal. I nearly gasp, especially under the thick band of black eyelashes. He blinks a few times as if noticing me for the first time.

“Oh, sorry…”

“It’s fine,” I say, because it’s all I can summon in my brain, which I thought was intelligent… until now .

He looks to be about my age, twenty, and his hair is dark brown, like mine, but it’s threaded with auburn, and it’s longer in the front than in the back.

But where mine is wavy, his is straight.

His nose is slightly too large for his face, but it strangely fits him.

And his upper lip is fuller than his bottom one.

There are small hoops in each ear, and he has a small tattoo of a four-leaf clover on his inner forearm.

Superstitious? He pushes his bangs back from his face, exposing thick brows and a large forehead.

I realize he’s not looking at me anymore, so I yank my eyes away from his beauty and help him finish picking everything up.

Once he’s gathered all his things in a disorganized mess, we stand.

His eyes widen when he sees how much taller I am than he is.

I’m six-foot-five, so he’s at least eight inches shorter, and he’s a lot leaner.

He’s also fucking stunning. I still haven’t said a word, my brain no longer computing.

Then he suddenly smiles, and a dimple pops in his right cheek. I’m dead. Slayed. I don’t even bother opening my mouth to speak because I know I’ll just stammer like an idiot.

“Well, had I known I’d crash into a sexy giant, I would’ve left all this crap at home.”

I smile, finally finding some of my confidence again. “Then I wouldn’t have been able to help you and see how pretty your eyes are.”

His smile broadens, and I can’t stop looking at that dimple. “Oh, a romantic. Don’t you know how to make a guy feel special?” He shuffles his things in his arms until he’s got everything pressed against his chest with one arm as he holds out his free hand. “I’m Shane.”

I take his hand and shake it. It’s smaller than mine, and softer, but it’s filled with electricity, coursing right up my arm. “Marco.”

“Well, Marco, I hope you ask me out because otherwise, I’m going to have to try to bump into you every day at the same time until you do. Not sure my textbooks and papers can take it, though.”

I’m still holding his hand when I chuckle and say, “How about some coffee sometime, and get to know each other?”

“Sounds perfect.”

That was when I started to believe in fate. I knew right then I’d found my forever person.

I force the memory down deep inside me and lock it away as I light another smoke with trembling hands. With a loud and shuddering exhale, blowing out smoke, I lean on a bare tree away from most people. I take another drag, pressing my head against the bark, and closing my eyes.

I needed to breathe for a moment and calm the fuck out of my heart.

Usually, my past was locked up tight, but after several months of watching while others found love, it kept inching into my brain more often, unheeded, taunting me.

If I were truly being honest with myself, it all started when Ajax crashed.

That shit had been so fucking triggering, and I hadn’t been able to shake that foreboding feeling since.

A gentle hand rested on my arm, making me nearly jump out of my skin, so lost in my warring emotions.

I whirled around, breathing heavily, to find Zilch of all people, looking up at me with the most soulful eyes I’d ever seen.

Even more than Shane’s eyes had been. They were massively big blue eyes that spoke volumes even if he couldn’t utter a word.

His sandy-blond hair was chopped and messy, but it suited him, except the bangs were too long, partially blocking those pretty eyes of his.

‘Are you okay?’ he gestured.

I glanced over to find that damn thief headed straight in our direction, with clenched fists and a scowl that could melt paint.

I quickly signed that I was fine instead of speaking, because at that moment, I’d lost my voice as well. Then I stormed off, not looking back.