Page 14 of Cueball & Double-Z (Alpha’s Rejects #5)

“What happened to him?” Cueball asked me. I was kind of disappointed that he didn’t tell me his real name, as if he was keeping up walls. Now I wished I hadn’t been so open with him. Stupid .

“I don’t know you well enough,” I said under my breath, my arms still folded, switching from foot to foot, not liking his scrutiny.

I itched from it. For some reason, Cole had taken to this huge man, and I didn’t want him mad at me for not being nice.

I’d failed him enough already. So I was careful with my tone. Besides, why should I tell him?

Cueball simply nodded, running an absent hand over his bald head, watching Zilch play happily. “Fair enough. I get that.”

I’d expected him to argue, but he didn’t push at all. He never pushed, it seemed. He was being kind, and I was being ungrateful because of my own issues, always feeling defensive. It was like I couldn’t help myself. I needed to lash out at something, the world, but all I had currently was Cueball.

He turned to face me again, keeping his massive body relaxed. But those amber eyes of his could, like, fucking see into your soul. Almost like Cole could. “Can I ask what happened to you? How you ended up in this situation?”

I cracked my knuckles from nerves and narrowed my eyes at him. “You can ask .”

“If you don’t want to tell me that either, it’s your business. I won’t pry.”

Cueball walked away and headed to the small kitchen. It was hard not to notice how big he was. He wasn’t just tall, but broad and solid, so opposite from my Cole. Hell, he could probably bench press Cole. Or me, for that matter.

I stood there awkwardly, watching him like an idiot, not knowing what to do with myself in this stranger’s home while Cole played video games as if he’d been living there for years.

But he’d always been highly adaptive—more than I was.

I didn’t like more change after our lives kept changing, forcing us to always keep up. It was exhausting.

Cueball poured himself a glass of water and drank it down. Then he hand-washed the glass and set it upside down to dry in the dish rack.

“Goodnight,” he said and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

“Come on, Cole. You can play that later. We should get to bed, and the noise will keep him up.”

He didn’t argue as he saved his game and turned off the console.

We went into our temporary bedroom, and I slid under the cool sheets piled with a thick comforter.

The bed was more comfortable than our old one.

Definitely more comfortable than the car.

I tucked a hand under my head and stared at the water-stained ceiling.

The place was kind of a dump, but Cueball kept it really clean.

I had to admit it was nice to have a roof over our heads, even if it wasn’t permanent.

Cole jumped onto the bed, bouncing up and down, before sitting down and crossing his legs with a huge smile on his face. ‘I like it here,’ he signed .

I pulled my hand from the back of my head and scrubbed my face, sighing and signing, ‘I know.’

‘We should try to stay.’

“This place belongs to Cueball. He hasn’t invited us.”

‘He will.’

I rolled my eyes. Cole was being rather pushy about it.

While I knew, in part, he was right only because we needed a place to stay, I didn’t want to stay here , not with Cueball.

I didn’t know exactly what put me off about him besides my initial humiliation.

No, I needed to be honest with myself. It was because he was doing more for us than I’d been able to do.

Being around him was just another reminder of my failure.

“You don’t know that,” I said, keeping my voice low. I had no idea how thin the walls were around here.

Cole huffed, his hands moving so quickly that it was hard to keep up with him. He did that when he was getting frustrated. I needed to slow him down, so I placed my hand on his. “Slower.”

‘Why don’t you like him? You’ve been mean to him since we met him.’

I didn’t want to answer the question, so I looked away, staring at the sheets of snow coming down at an almost horizontal angle from the wind.

The bed jostled, and Cole’s hand landed softly on my cheek.

I turned my head to look at him, his eyes so wide and intelligent.

Most of the time, he could see right through me, which was why I hated to face him half the time.

Even worse, I was afraid he’d see how much I wanted him.

I’d managed to keep it hidden for years, and I wanted to keep it that way.

Those feelings have dimmed over time, but they’d been buzzing around my head again lately like annoying flies whenever I saw Cole looking at Cueball with eyes full of wonder and interest. I wanted him to look at me like that, but it would never happen because I was such a fuckup.

There was nothing for him to look up to.

‘Because he took care of us?’ Cole signed intuitively, and another reminder that I was the worst fucking provider.

Instead of saying anything, I made a fist and shook it like I was nodding my head.

‘And that makes you feel bad?’

I did the same hand gesture .

Sometimes I completely got Cole and why he couldn’t talk, or why he didn’t try. Spoken words became a reality. Maybe that wasn’t why Cole did it, but it could be comforting to hide behind.

“I’m supposed to be a provider, and I’m not providin’ shit.”

‘It’s not your fault. Mine,’ he quickly gestured, then smacked his chest a few times with his hand to emphasize his belief in his words.

“It was a drunk driver’s fault, dammit! Cole, you’ve gotta stop blaming yourself for that shit.”

He grunted and frowned, pointing at me before signing, ‘You blame yourself for everything.’ I hated how he threw my words back at me.

“Yeah, well, it was my fault for getting fired from the last two jobs, putting us behind rent and bills, and ending up on the streets. That was all me.”

He gestured so fast, and I slowed him down again. ‘You wouldn’t have needed to work if I hadn’t killed Mom and Gino.’

The pain in my gut felt like a knife from knowing he believed that. Nothing I said or did convinced him otherwise.

I quickly sat up and pulled him against me. “Shut up,” I said affectionately. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not gonna validate that shit. Understand?”

Cole rested his cheek on my shoulder, facing my throat. I felt the warm puffs of breath and his fingers clinging to the back of my T-shirt, digging into my back.

He was so slight in my arms, losing too much weight. He didn’t need to lose any more pounds. I just wanted to kiss him, tell him I would fix everything. That I’d figure it all out. Instead, I rested my head on his.

“Maybe you’re better off without me,” I whispered after sitting in silence for a while, feeling his body heat and breath, wishing he were mine as more than a brother. To be able to hold him whenever I wanted.

Cole instantly pulled away, wide-eyed, brows slammed low. “ No !” he yelled, smacking me with two hands on my chest. ‘Don’t you dare,’ he signed.

“Cole, you… spoke.”

He shook his head so hard his hair was flying all over, so I gripped his face with two hands. His eyes were watering, and his lip was trembling.

“Okay… okay,” I breathed. “I’m not going anywhere. I just thought… ”

When I let him go, he signed, ‘No’ several times, making it clear I wasn’t allowed to leave him behind. ‘Promise me.’

“I promise,” I sighed, despite knowing that was a lie. If our lives kept up as they were, I wouldn’t have a choice. He was better off without me, but I couldn’t let him go, either.

When I woke up the next morning, I blinked several times, getting my bearings, forgetting where I was for a moment. I reached for the other side of the queen-sized bed, but it was cold. My head rolled over to find it empty. Where did Cole go? I was usually up before him.

I had to admit that I slept like a baby last night. It felt fucking good to wake up well-rested, having slept in a comfortable bed. But I had to remind myself not to take it for granted. It wouldn’t last.

I rubbed the growing scruff on my face, yawned, then climbed out of bed. I stepped out of the bedroom, welcomed by the scent of coffee, and walked into the bathroom. Relieved to find it empty, I went in, closing and locking the door behind me.

After I took a piss, I got into the shower, wishing I could soak longer, but I didn’t want to take up all the hot water.

Then I shaved my face; the hair there had grown too long.

I preferred my skin to be smooth. I quickly brushed my teeth, then headed to the bedroom with a towel wrapped around my hips.

Once I got dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and a black zip-up hoodie, I walked out and into the kitchen to find Cole sitting on top of the counter, happily eating a piece of toast and drinking some coffee.

When he saw me, he smiled and waved. His smile always made me warm on the inside, and my heart fluttered a little faster. He was such a beautiful human.

Cole jumped down, grabbed a mug from the counter, and poured me a cup of coffee, adding a teaspoon of sugar and a splash of milk. Just the way I liked it.

He handed it to me. I grabbed the proffered cup and took a tentative sip.

‘I made eggs,’ he signed, then pointed to the pan on the stove. ‘Want some with toast?’

“I’ll eat in a minute. Let me get some caffeine in me first. ”

I sat on a stool at the kitchen island that divided the kitchen from the living room, sipping my coffee, and Cole sat next to me on the spare stool. “Where’s Cueball?” I asked.

He shrugged. ‘He was gone when I woke up.’ Cole’s eyes grew wide, as did his smile. “You should see all the snow. It’s cold, but pretty. Cueball is so nice for letting us stay here.”

I nodded and took another sip, looking around the sparse apartment. Yeah, thank fuck for Cueball .

Before I could continue to stew in self-loathing, I heard the sound of keys unlocking the front door.

Cole jumped off the stool and bounded over to the door, waving when Cueball walked inside, wearing his thick navy peacoat and black knitted beanie.

Cueball twitched a small smile, but only for him. I could tell that was the most Cole would get. “How are you? Did you sleep okay?”

His fingers moved deftly as he nodded. ‘Like a baby.’ Then he pointed to the kitchen. ‘I made breakfast and coffee.’

“That’s kind of you,” Cueball said.

“Where’d you go?” I asked him.

He removed his beanie, exposing his smooth head, which was starting to show dark growth.

He definitely had a whole head of hair. Why shave it all off?

I guess it didn’t matter. He had the head shape for baldness.

It begrudgingly looked good on him. Not just that, but he was incredibly attractive, period.

His skin was lightly tanned, smooth, and his body was perfectly proportioned, even if he was huge.

Cueball’s lips were full, and when he cracked a tiny smile, you could see high cheekbones.

Generally, his face was flat and free of emotion, except for those damn amber eyes, holding so much intelligence.

“I went out to see if anything’s open. There’s a good eight inches out there, and it’s still coming down, but not as much.

They’re trying to clear the roads. But in this area?

We’re the last to see snowplows.” He unbuttoned his coat and hung it up in the small coat closet, then shoved his beanie into a pocket.

“We’re going to need more food, since I hadn’t planned for guests.

The grocery store several blocks away should be open tomorrow. ”

“We’ll chip in,” I said. The last thing I wanted was to be a freeloader.

“I’ve got it. You two are struggling. ”

“We have some money saved. I have a job. We can cover our share.”

Cole nodded in agreement.

Cueball looked at us both, debating whether to argue about it, but he simply nodded. “Okay, then.”

He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee, drinking it black. The sleeves of his white thermal were shoved over strong, solid forearms, without a tattoo in sight. I wasn’t sure why I expected him to be covered in them.

“Uhm, d’you got a phone?” I asked, trying to keep my attitude in check and be polite. My issues weren’t his fault, and I needed to keep reminding myself of that.

“Yeah.” He dug out his smartphone from his back pocket. He swiped it open and handed it to me, no questions asked.

“Thanks.” I took it and dialed my boss to see if he needed me to find a way to get into work, despite him telling me not to bother if there was a lot of snow. Still, I wanted to make sure.

The phone rang and rang at the restaurant, so I tried Jim’s personal cell phone. He gave me his number if I ever needed to reach out to him.

“This is Jim,” he said when he answered.

“Hey, it’s Gio. Do you, ah, need me to come in and stuff?”

“Oh, hey, Gio. No, please stay where you are. We’re closed today.” He breathed for a bit before asking, “Are you and your brother okay out there? Are you safe?”

God, my boss was so nice and cool. Way better than my last ones. I looked at Cueball and nodded. “Yeah, we’re good. We found a place to stay for a few days.”

“Great, I’m glad. Stay safe. Is this your friend’s number?”

“Yeah. Anyway, I’ll be in tomorrow once the roads are clear.”

“Okay. Thanks for checking in, Gio.”

“Bye.”

I closed the phone and handed it back to Cueball, who tucked it back into his pocket.

“All good?”

I nodded. “Thanks. ”

I looked over at Cole, who was beaming at me for being nice to his new ‘ friend .’ I inwardly rolled my eyes. Well, I guess I could try harder to be nice.