Page 17 of Cueball & Double-Z (Alpha’s Rejects #5)

After I ate my sandwich, I headed toward the old couch and sat down. I swiped open my phone to check the weather. If I were going to send Gio and Cole back out into the world in the morning, I needed to make sure it was safe to do so.

You know the weather will get bad again , my brain insisted. You could be sending them out to their deaths.

Don’t be so dramatic , I argued back. They’ll be fine .

Then why did you take them home in the first place ?

I knew why, and it wasn’t just about the cold and snow. I couldn’t help the niggling feeling that I was meant to help them. I mean, I literally ran into Gio on that day of all fucking days. Shit, but I didn’t want to go there. There was a reason I wanted to be left alone.

Cole came over and sat down, crossing his legs and facing me.

I side-eyed him, saying nothing. He was building up to something, no doubt wanting to stay longer or permanently.

He’d already said as much, but had let it go, or so I thought.

Regardless, he would push me until I caved. I could feel it deep in my bones.

He waved to get my attention, then his hands moved quickly as he asked boldly, ‘Why do you like being alone and having nothing in your home?’

He was definitely observant. And he was definitely building up to asking my permission for him and Gio to stay here.

“You’re being intrusive,” I said, continuing to scroll on my phone, intentionally ignoring the fact that I could be just as bold and intrusive with my friends. Sometimes, they needed a swift kick in the ass to see what was right in front of them.

Cole tapped on my shoulder until I set my phone down with a sigh and looked at him. ‘I want to know you. I want to know the real Cueball. What’s your real name? Why do you hide from everyone? Did you lose someone?’

Jesus, fuck .

My gut twisted in a strange sort of fear I hadn’t felt in a long-ass time, and a headache was forming between my eyes.

Was that why these young men had come into my life?

To pick it apart, piece by piece? Force me to confront my demons?

Not even Aiden or Stone asked me such questions.

No way. I couldn’t do it. It was so much worse than losing someone.

Blood is everywhere—so much blood.

He isn’t Shane anymore, but a blob of bloody flesh.

I gasped at the sudden, intrusive vision. Cole must have heard because he rested a gentle hand on my shoulder.

“You need to go,” I snapped. “I’m sorry. But… this isn’t going to work. You and Gio can’t stay, Cole.”

His blue eyes turned sad, and he frowned. Instead of arguing, he nodded and signed, ‘I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. Can we still be friends?’

I closed my eyes and sighed. Jesus, this kid.

Friends ? Even if I turned him and Gio away, he still wanted to be friends.

Honestly, I was torn. Torn between letting them stay, but desperately needing them to leave.

I could already feel Cole picking my soul apart until I finally crumbled.

My psyche was already cracking around him, watching my every move and action, listening to every word, hearing the unheard, seeing the unseen.

I swore to god, this was life giving me a taste of my own medicine.

“Yeah, we can be friends.”

He sat up, smiled brightly, and clapped before saying, ‘Thank you.’

The guilt made me fucking sick, and sometimes I wished I could turn off my empathy.

If I sent him back out there, would he break?

Would he change? Would he lose his shining light?

Something traumatic happened to Cole that kept him from speaking, yet he was vibrant and relatively happy.

It only confirmed my suspicion that using sign language had become a comforting habit for him.

I had no doubt he struggled to speak, but he was relatively happy with the way he communicated.

You could help him with that , my annoying brain said.

No! Nope. No way .

They need you.

I don’t care !

Yep, Cole was communicating just fine. He didn’t need fucking fixing.

It wasn’t my job to fix people. Not anymore.

I didn’t even try to help Aiden when I knew he was desperate for it.

He looked at me to give him what he needed, and I turned him down every time until he finally gave up.

Thank fuck he found Ajax, who was a better partner for him than I would ever be.

I knew it was going to be bad when I felt the encroaching anxiety coming on, something I hadn’t felt in a few years. My vision turned blood red as my hands started to tremble and my heart raced.

Goddammit!

I had no doubt Cole could see it coming on as much as I could, especially if he had experience with anxiety.

Sure enough, he ran his hand gently over my head in a soothing, circular motion and rested his cheek on my shoulder.

Fuck my life .

As much as I wanted to tell him to stop, instead I closed my eyes and counted backward from one hundred while taking controlled, steady breaths. It didn’t take long for my heart to calm down and for my hands to stop shaking.

Cole rested his hand over my heart. Satisfied that I was calm, he moved away from me and, surprisingly, said nothing. He didn’t ask me a slew of expected questions about what had just happened. I was grateful for his silence—just more proof of his intuitiveness.

The fact that he brought me back before I nearly crashed said something. I ignored the persistent thoughts that he was meant to help me, and he did it so effortlessly.

Back to the task at hand, now that I was calm and steady. I opened the weather app, and my gut sank, staring at the forecast. An ice storm was coming tomorrow night.

Jesus fucking Christ. I swore the world was intentionally turning against me. Or the fates were playing a cruel joke on me.

Years. I spent years with my life perfectly under control and structured, then this one young twink came along and was upending all my work.

I side-eyed Cole again, feeling him vibrate from here. He had the emotional intelligence of an empath and the energy of a golden retriever.

“What?” I asked, not sure I really wanted to know. Cole made me strangely nervous, and I was rarely nervous.

‘You’re going to be okay. Promise.’

Before I could respond, he lunged at me and wrapped spindly arms around my neck, pulling me into a fierce hug. He was stronger than he looked. Fuck, he was sweet, which would make it harder for me to turn him away.

He smelled like me. Like my body wash, shampoo, but mixed with the smells of food from the deli. I didn’t hate it.

Just then, the door opened, and Gio walked in. He stopped in his tracks, angry eyes wide, and dropped his backpack right there on the floor with a thud. He fisted his hands, and I could feel the jealous daggers trying to stab me dead. Then his emotions quickly morphed into hurt combined with shock.

Holy shit .

Gio was… jealous . Not because I helped them, and him, with his own struggling issues to provide for Cole. While that was true, I hadn’t seen how he felt about Cole yet. He… liked him. Loved him, probably. He wanted him.

His dark blue eyes danced back and forth between us as he kicked the door closed behind him. Cole eased off me and waved before his hand quickly dropped, sensing the danger as I had.

“What are you doing?” Gio snapped.

‘Why are you mad?’ Cole signed. For as intuitive as he was, did he not see what I did? Maybe because he’d been around Gio for so long, with Gio masking his love for Cole.

“He was comforting me,” I quickly said, needing to calm Gio down before he did something he regretted.

Jealousy turned people impulsive. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to be vulnerable to control the situation.

“After having a bit of an anxiety attack, Cole here was trying to calm me down. That’s all. Your… stepbrother is very empathetic.”

Gio watched us, searching for lies as Cole tried to confirm the truth of what I’d said. “We’re leaving tomorrow,” he snapped before picking up his bag off the floor and heading toward the bedroom.

“You can’t,” I blurted.

Shut up, Marco. Let them fucking go .

Cole frantically signed that we needed to stay. Stay for different reasons other than an ice storm, because I’d said nothing about the weather yet to him.

Gio stopped in his tracks and turned around, scowling at me.

Dammit. Just when I thought I’d made some headway with him.

His jealousy completely took over despite our explanation.

“What do you mean we can’t? You can’t make us fucking stay,” he gritted, ignoring Cole’s desperation to convince him otherwise.

Whether they leave or stay, I had to suck it up and have a talk with Gio.

The angrier and more frustrated he got, the worse their situation would be.

He wasn’t thinking clearly. Jealousy was his only motivating factor in leaving.

Survival had to put aside such feelings.

He needed to get himself under control for both of their sakes.

While I didn’t want them to stay, when they left, I wanted them to survive, not destroy the little they had left. Gio was on that path, a path of destruction I knew all too well. Mine didn’t stem from jealousy, but I felt his helpless pain, nonetheless.

“There’s an ice storm headed our way tomorrow night. You may as well stay a few more days.”

Gio’s brows were furrowed, the ‘V’ in between them ever present. “The fuck you care? You don’t want us here anyway.”

I sighed to steady my patience. “I’m just used to being alone. It’s… complicated. But you and Cole don’t need to be out there during an ice storm. If you fucking insist on leaving, have at it. I can’t say I didn’t try. And I won’t force you.”

So much for patience. First, Cole tugged out my anxiety that I’d kept locked up. Then, Gio ripped out my patience and stomped on it. If three days could do that to me, I couldn’t imagine what three more days would do.