Page 28 of Cueball & Double-Z (Alpha’s Rejects #5)

“ Gio !”

I burst out of a dream and bolted upright, my ears and senses on high alert. My heart raced as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

It was a voice I didn’t recognize. It had to be Cole.

Why had he cried out? Was he dreaming?

I climbed out of bed and threw on a pair of sweats over my underwear, leaving my shirt off. I picked up my phone, which was charging on my nightstand, to look at the time. It wasn’t quite four in the morning.

Before I could step out of my room to see what was going on, someone was pounding frantically on my door. I opened it to find Cole sobbing and waving a piece of paper. His face was streaked with tears, and his blond hair was skewed all over the place from sleep.

He suddenly lunged at me and wrapped his long arms around me and cried into my bare chest. I held him back for a moment before I eased him off me and led him to the living room, where I turned on a lamp.

“Calm down and talk to me, Cole,” I said, easing him down onto the couch and squatting in front of him.

Instead of explaining himself, he grunted and thrust the folded piece of paper at me. I opened it, but I didn’t even need to read it to know it was from Gio and that he was gone. It was the only explanation for why Cole cried out for him, and his distraught sobbing.

I held the paper up and read the neat print.

Cole,

I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go. I’ve failed you at every turn, and I’m just holding you back. You can do amazing things. You’re so damn smart. Go to school. Get a degree. Find a great job with people who can talk to you as you should be talked to. Find someone who loves as you deserve.

With me gone, maybe Marco will let you stay. One less of us to annoy him and all that. Ask him to watch over you. I’m sure he won’t toss you out with me being gone.

I rarely tell you, but I love you. So fucking much. Take care of yourself and don’t look for me. Just move on. You’ll realize one day I did the right thing and that you’re better off without me.

Gio - Zero

P.S. You have no brain at all. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

“That sacrificial bastard,” I mumbled. “Fucking idiot .” I looked at Cole and pointed at the postscript. “What does that mean?”

His blue eyes were larger than normal, red rimmed, and his face was drenched as he sucked in his full bottom lip. ‘A stupid inside joke. How we got our nicknames,’ he signed. ‘I say, You have zero brain cells , and he says that.’

I didn’t quite get the inside joke, but it was meaningful to them. What I had to do was find a way to reunite the two because they needed each other. They should never be separated. Gio should never have left Cole behind.

Cole tapped my shoulder to look at him. ‘Please find him. Please help me. ’

I nodded. “We will. But there isn’t much we can do right now without a car, presuming he took it with him if he wanted you to stay. We’ll have to search in the morning.”

“Call him.”

“Good idea.” I headed back to my room and grabbed my phone, unplugging it from the charger.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found the contact I named Double-Z .

Before I dialed, I headed back into the living room and sat down.

Cole scooted close to me, resting his head on my shoulder, but he’d stopped crying now that we were being proactive.

I hit dial, but as soon as I heard the ringer coming from the apartment, I knew Gio didn’t have the phone on him.

Cole rushed toward the kitchen and grabbed the phone, crying again. He lifted it and slammed it back on the counter with a guttural noise I hadn’t heard in a very long time—a sound of grief and pain.

He fell to his knees, and his hands rushed to cover his face as he sobbed again. His helplessness was clear.

With a sigh, I resigned myself to suffering the consequences of my next decision.

To find Gio and let them both stay permanently here or until they got back on their feet.

It was inevitable, despite my efforts to deny it and push them away.

This was just another sign that they were meant to stay with me—a sign I could no longer ignore or fight.

I stood and walked over to Cole, who was still grieving on the floor.

I squatted down, slid my hands under his knees, wrapped my arm around his back, and lifted him.

He was slight in my arms, despite his weight gain.

He’d filled out a lot since staying here, but he still wasn’t very big. No, I couldn’t send them away.

Gio and Cole needed me, and they needed each other. Fuck it. I also needed them.

This was my day of reckoning. If they stayed, I’d have to face my inner demons finally. This was my inevitable moment. It was fucking time. And I was fucking terrified. But this was no longer about me.

Cole wrapped his arms around my neck, crying into my neck, as I carried him back to the couch.

I sat on the cushions and held him against me as he continued to sob, but he was starting to settle down.

I ran my hand gently along his back, soothing him.

Then, I did what he had done to me earlier in the evening, and kissed his head.

“Shhh, we’ll find him, okay?” Cole nodded on my shoulder.

My skin was wet with all his tears. “We’ll find him and bring him home.

” He suddenly lifted his head, looking at me with swollen, red, questioning eyes.

“Yes, Cole. Home . You will both stay here, with no time limit. You belong here.” He flung his arms around me again and pulled me into a tight hug, stronger than he looked.

“I’m sure Gio hasn’t left town. He’ll show up at work.

We just need to go to Luigi’s in the morning.

If he’s not there, well, we’ll look for him.

When we find him, and we will, I’ll tell him he’s wanted.

You both are. God, I should never have told you that horrible shit earlier. ”

I stood, taking Cole with me, and carried him to my bedroom, where I laid him down on my bed.

He didn’t question it, sliding under my covers and moving over for me when I got in next to him.

But I sure as hell questioned my sanity.

Questioned why the hell I let them get to me so much that I disrupted their bond.

My decision had been the last ball to drop for Gio.

My kicking them out had been the proverbial straw on the camel’s back.

I’d finally pushed him over the edge. That was all on me.

I also wondered why I’d put Cole in my bed.

Yes, he needed me, but I didn’t know why I needed him.

I told myself I was comforting him, but that wasn’t all of it.

I didn’t really want Gio and Cole to go.

In such a short time, they continuously proved that they belonged in my life.

Maybe I wasn’t ready to move on and be healed, but I knew right then that I had no choice in the matter.

I needed to let the chips fall where they may.

It was completely unfair to hurt them because I couldn’t face my demons.

I climbed into bed and pulled Cole against me.

His fingers curled into my bare chest, and he nuzzled into me.

It was strange holding someone in my bed.

It’d been years, not since Shane. Strangely, I wasn’t as triggered as I expected to be, perhaps because I had other things on my mind.

Maybe because we were meant to be. I had already started to see Gio and Cole romantically, but now I believed they hadn’t just come into my life for healing, but for loving and moving on again.

I couldn’t explain why I believed that, but I felt it down to my bones and soul, seeing clearly for the first time in so damn long .

“I’m sorry, Cole. I’m so sorry I upset you and Gio.” His response was to snuggle in tighter to me. I took that as acceptance. “I swear I’ll do whatever it takes to bring him back to you.”

As Cole grew limp with emotional exhaustion and sleepiness, I couldn’t close my eyes and do the same.

I was trying not to freak out about Gio’s note, which felt like it had an underlying message, like he was checking out of life, not just from Cole’s life.

Gio had been frustrated, and he seemed to have had undertones of depression, but I hadn’t been sure he was there yet.

Not enough to warrant meds. Therapy, yes. Definitely.

I stayed up for the rest of the morning as the sun came up, filtering through my blinds, feeling Cole’s fingers twitch on my chest. Fingers that still clung to me as if afraid I’d leave in the middle of the night, too.

Other than that, he’d slept soundly. His body was warm and smelled of sleep.

I pressed my nose to his hair, then kissed his head again.

As eight o’clock approached, I eased Cole off me and gently slipped out of bed, replacing my body with a pillow. He rolled over and curled into himself. I breathed easier when I hadn’t woken him and stepped out of my room.

I padded to the kitchen to make some coffee as I made plans.

Plans to have two new roommates. I’d have to adapt to them and how they punched through my walls with so little effort, and another sign of me needing to finally let Shane go.

I wasn’t sure I could forgive myself, if ever, but perhaps it was time to grow.

I had two men who needed me. They needed my help. They deserved it.

As the coffee brewed, I texted my boss to tell him I was sick and wouldn’t be coming in.

Cole had to work, too. I should make him go to work because it’d be easier for me to search for Gio alone, but I knew Cole would rather die first. He’d never let me go alone.

Cole would be useless at work with all his worrying anyway, so I’d make him text his boss as well.