Page 42 of Cueball & Double-Z (Alpha’s Rejects #5)

It was Saturday, so we could all sleep in, but around eight thirty in the morning, Cole sat up, yawned, and stretched.

He had long arms for someone who wasn’t very tall, and while they were on the thin side, they had definition.

When he stretched, you could see his ribs, too, though he’d been steadily gaining weight after living here for over two months.

I’d since bought us a king-sized bed so we could fit more comfortably. My back had been killing me, crammed into my old one. I didn’t spend a lot of money on anything other than rent, utilities, and student loans, so I had a decent amount of savings in my account. It was a worthy investment.

The three of us had fallen into a comfortable routine, like it was the most natural thing to do after I finally dropped the last brick of my walls. Same with Gio. He was a completely new person.

Holding onto my pain and Shane for so long, I hadn’t realized how freeing it would be to finally let him go. Were the pain and guilt still there? Yeah. Like tinnitus in the ear, always ringing, but with time, it became easier to tune out.

I’d finally come to realize that I’d have a chance to find happiness and love again.

I missed it and craved it. But they had to be the right men at the right time.

I hadn’t expected two, but life was chaotic like that.

Unpredictable. It knew when I was ready to let someone into my life, as much as I fought it.

We hadn’t had sex yet, taking our time learning each other, growing together, understanding each other.

We also took our time communicating. Well, I made them take the time because they were both new to being in a relationship.

Sometimes, queer men rushed into sex and had it often, but I didn’t want that for them.

They were meant to be… No. We were meant to be.

We were meant to heal together. Being with them was more than sex, so I wanted it slow and meaningful.

We were in no hurry, though that didn’t stop us from messing around regularly.

Cole looked down at me, smiled brightly with adorably sleepy eyes, and then bent forward to give me a peck on the lips.

‘Morning,’ he signed.

“Morning.”

He climbed over me and got out of bed, then he pressed his hands to my back and pushed me forward, or tried to.

I was too heavy for him, but I knew what he wanted, so I scooted more into the bed and tugged Gio against me.

He rolled over to face me and tucked his head into my neck, his arm draping over my side, quickly falling back asleep.

My nose pressed into his thick hair, smelling of sleep and shampoo, then I kissed his head and closed my eyes to sleep a bit longer.

My eyes popped open when Nada curled right between Gio and me. She loved those little nooks between bodies to keep her warm. Her purr was so damn loud, but it was a soothing type of white noise, so it didn’t take me long to fall asleep again .

It was the scent of bacon filling the air that had me stirring awake and my stomach growling.

Cole had taken on the role of cook around here, wanting to feel useful since neither of them was paying me rent, despite their protests; however, they did contribute with groceries.

As I got out of bed, rubbing my eyes and yawning, so did Gio. He crawled across the bed to where I sat and kissed my cheek before getting up and padding to the bathroom.

I smiled. It was amazing what ending loneliness did for your psyche.

For the first time in years, I was filled with hope.

I had no one to blame but myself, and I’d known better.

Still, I’d clung to that grief and pain for so long that it’d been hard to let go of.

It’d become a part of me as much as signing was a part of Cole.

After tossing on a pair of joggers and a T-shirt, I headed toward the bathroom just as Gio came out.

I took a quick piss, washed my hands, and headed back to my bedroom to grab the box sitting in my nightstand drawer.

When I walked into the kitchen, Nada was curling around Cole’s ankles, meowing for some bacon.

He laughed and dropped a few crumbled pieces onto the floor for her.

“You’re going to get her fat,” I chuckled.

‘She’s a princess and deserves all the bacon,’ he signed.

I shook my head and laughed again as I slid the box his way across the counter. “This is for you.”

He wiped his hands of bacon grease on a dish towel and took the proffered box. His eyes went wide, seeing it was another smartphone. Then he hugged me before signing, ‘Thank you!’

“I figured you could use your own phone. Gio can take the other one. It’s all ready for you to use, and it comes with a special text-to-speech app that I pay for, which utilizes AI.

You can customize it so that when you interact with people who don’t sign, you can speak to them.

Just text what you want to say, pick the voice you want, and the AI voice will transcribe it.

The point is to have the voice be realistic to make it more engaging. ”

“That’s so cool,” Gio said. When he first came to me, he would’ve been jealous of my helping Cole like that. Now he was just excited and supportive. What a night and day difference, and I was here for it .

Cole’s eyes watered when he rushed at me, pulling me into another hug, resting his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him and held him back. “You’re welcome, sweetness,” I said, kissing the top of his head.

After breakfast, Gio and I washed the dishes as Cole sat on the barstool, playing with his new phone and the app.

“What’s the plan for today?” Gio asked. “It’s Saturday, and none of us has to work.”

I set the washed and rinsed plate in the dish rack to dry before Gio handed me a washed glass for me to rinse. “I’m volunteering tonight, but my only plan now is to shave my head. My hair is starting to grow in.”

Cole looked up and scanned my head. “Grow it out. I want to see what it looks like.”

“I agree. What does your hair look like?” Gio asked, washing three forks together. “I’m having a hard time picturing you with it.”

I shrugged and put the cup on the rack. “It’s very dark brown and wavy, almost curly.”

Gio looked up at me, scanning my head as if he could visualize what I used to look like. To be honest, I’d shaved my head for so long, I almost forgot what I looked like with hair.

“Why do you shave it?” he asked.

Before, I would’ve clammed up about why I shaved my head since it had everything to do with Shane. Now, I was eager to be open with the two sweet men in my life. In fact, I smiled fondly at the reason I shaved it in the first place, remembering that it’d originally all been in good fun.

“Initially, it started as a stupid bet between Shane and me. I was stressed out about the exam coming up. It was the final exam before I became officially certified as a cognitive therapist in the state of Maryland. It was the Association of Social Work Boards’ advanced generalist exam, something I’d been working so hard for so damn long.

I was terrified I wouldn’t pass after all that work.

” The last of the dishes was in the rack, so I dried my hands off, turned, and leaned against the counter to look at my guys.

My guys. My beautiful Gio and sweet Cole.

Pure in their own way. My healing light.

“Shane made me a bet. He insisted that I’d pass.

That it was a no-brainer. He wasn’t worried in the slightest, my biggest damn supporter and cheerleader.

But I was insistent that I wouldn’t. It’s not that I’m stupid, but the sense of failure was just looming after so long.

I tend to be hard on myself, in case you hadn’t noticed. ”

Gio smiled crookedly and slid his arms around my waist, leaning his body against mine.

In turn, I wrapped my arms around him, too, and kissed his nose.

I had to admit that I loved this affectionate side of him.

He was so open to it. I honestly hadn’t expected that.

Cole, yes. Gio, no. I loved being surprised by people sometimes, but only in a good way. Not in the find-your-lover-dead way.

“Oh, we noticed,” he said, poking fun and making Cole snort a laugh and nod. “Let me guess. You passed?”

“Yep. Shane said if he was right, and I passed, as punishment for my usual self-flagellation, I had to shave my head to teach me a lesson. I agreed. I came home after my exam, freshly bald. We laughed about it for a while, and it grew on him. But…”

‘Then he died?’ Cole signed bluntly.

My stomach twisted whenever I thought about Shane’s death. Finding him would be something I’d never forget for the rest of my life. “Yep. After I got the job I wanted. A job I never got the chance to start.”

Gio was still holding me, but Cole hopped down from the stool and came to hold me, too.

‘Is that why you keep it bald? For him?’ Cole asked.

I tightened my hold on these two men I’d grown attached to and sighed.

“Yes and no. Yes, it was because of him that I shaved it. But he loved my hair when it was grown out. With him gone…” I breathed out another long sigh.

“It wasn’t long after my exam that I got the job, and he…

took his life. Shane had always loved wrapping his fingers around my curls…

I just couldn’t. It was easier to remove that part of me by keeping my head shaved.

Eventually, it just became… me. Cueball.

Someone who wasn’t Marco. Like Cole being more comfortable signing, so was my baldness.

When I met Aiden and Stone, I’d introduced myself as Cueball, a nickname Shane gave me right after I lost the bet.

It… stuck, not that they didn’t know my real name. ”

Cole reached up and ran his hands over my head before signing, ‘I love your head. Perfectly round.’

I huffed a laugh. “That it is. Speaking of heads. I need to shave it.”

“Do you ever think of growing it out?” Gio asked .

“Perhaps one day.”

Cole grabbed my face as I pulled away to head to the bathroom.

He looked at me with troubled, sad, empathetic eyes.

I smiled and gently removed his hands and kissed each of his palms. “I’m fine, Cole.

It will always fucking hurt, but I’m fine.

With that said, I think it’s time for some big changes. ”

“What do you mean?” Gio suddenly looked concerned, but I assuaged his worries and waved him off.

“It means we need to talk about our future and this relationship some more.” I sighed once again and closed my eyes.

“And it means I need to do some growing. Just me.” I opened my eyes to a pair of confused ones.

“It means I think I’m ready to reach out to my family.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. ”

‘I’m so proud of you,’ Cole signed. ‘We’ll hold your hand.’

“When are you thinking of going? Cole and I would like to be here for you when you do,” Gio said.

If I’d let my friends in just a fraction of what I gave to Cole and Gio, I probably would’ve been on a path of healing a long time ago.

Instead, I chose to double down. But I was forever grateful I’d listened to my instincts in helping them.

My affection for them was growing with each passing day, along with the belief that I’d been meant to find them.

“What would I do without you two?” I asked, chuckling fondly.

“And what would we do without you? Feel incomplete, lost,” Gio replied intuitively, with Cole nodding in agreement.

“Indeed.”

I had to admit that I was feeling overly anxious and slightly nauseous.

It’d been over three years since I’d talked to my family.

Fuck, if I needed to move forward with Gio and Cole, I had to do it the right way, and repair the damage I’d caused, or at least try to.

My mother would probably be quick to forgive me.

My dad was a tough call. My brother, Hugo?

Definitely not. He’d be the next person to call, but first, my parents .

My hands were clammy and shaking as I opened up my contacts and scrolled until I found their number.

Gio and Cole flanked me on either side of the couch as my stomach revolted.

They were so protective and supportive. For a long time, as a coping mechanism, I’d always been fully in control of my emotions.

Now that they were out and my walls had crumbled to dust, it was hard to get them back into some semblance of order.

Hell, even Nada was curled up on my lap, purring, telling me she was protecting me, too.

“We’re here for you, lover,” Gio said.

“Lover?”

“Yep. That’s what you are to me. It’s not just about the sex. You showed me what love can be and how to love Cole openly.”

My heart beat a little faster at that. Gio was so damn precious. I gave him a brief smile. “Thanks, beautiful.”

Cole waved his hand for attention, then gestured the word ‘Angel.’

“Angel?” I asked. He nodded and pointed at me before pointing back at him. “I’m your angel?”

Cole gave me a curt nod before signing, ‘You saved us. You help so many people. A guardian angel.’

“God, Cole. I wish that were true. I really do.”

He frowned and shook his head emphatically. ‘It’s true.’

“I agree with Cole. You won’t change his mind,” Gio said.

Cole folded his arms and huffed to make his point.

I chuckled. “I see I’m going to be overruled often.”

“Now you’re gettin’ it.”

With a deep breath, I got ready to call my parents, and that little conversation helped a lot.

Cole had one arm threaded through mine for comfort and support. I probably wouldn’t have been able to do this without them. Not probably. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without them because if I hadn’t met them, I’d still be in my emotional rut.

I blew out a heavy breath and hit Call .

The phone only rang once before my mother abruptly answered as if she’d been waiting by the phone for my call for years. The guilt tore at me. I was getting fucking good at that.

“?Mijo?” Her voice was shaky and filled with emotion, even from that one endearment.

“Hola, Mamá.” God, what a crappy way to greet her. “I… I’m so sorry. So sorry I haven’t reached out to you.”

Before she could respond to me, she called out to my dad, who must have been home. “Hector! Hector! It’s Marco! Come quickly!”

There was rustling on the phone before she put me on speaker. My dad’s deeper voice sounded in greeting. “Marco?”

“Hi, Dad.”

I felt so small and horrible at that moment, like I was a child again instead of a thirty-six-year-old man.

Gio and Cole sensed my discomfort and tried to calm me as best as they could with gentle touches and kisses, reminding me I wasn’t alone. That I no longer had to face my pain alone.

There was some sniffling on the other end of the phone, bringing out tears from me. I’d done that to them. I’d caused them so much pain.

“I’m so very sorry,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”