Page 54 of Balancing Act
“How the fuck did this all get so messy?” Jamie’s voice was small, vulnerable in a way she rarely let herself be. She buried her face in her hands, her curls spilling around her, creating a curtain between her and the outside world.
Amanda reached out to squeeze Jamie’s hand.
“I told Beth to choose Sarah,” she groaned.
“Well, that was dumb, considering you’re head over heels for her.” Amanda said, giving her a playful shove.
“I can’t risk hurting her. And it’s not just Beth; it’s Lily, too. I—I care too much about them to let them get caught up in my mess.”
“If it does happen, you’ll deal with it. You’ll figure it out. But you’re missing your chance in the first place by doing nothing. Don’t let Beth slip away because you’re scared. And if you care about Lily, too—which I know you do—you’ll figure out how to handle this together.”
Jamie paused at the mention of Lily. She hadn’t thought of it that way—hadn’t let herself. Could she really walk away now, after everything?
Jamie’s jaw clenched as her hands tightened around the blanket.
“You’re always in your own way, Lyons, but you’ve got a chance to change that. Maybe it’s time to step aside and let yourself feel something real,” Amanda said quietly.
Jamie exhaled a long, slow breath that seemed to carry the tension in her chest. She hated that Amanda was right, but she was.
“You deserve happiness, Jamie. You can’t keep punishing yourself for things outside your control. You didn’t ask to get cancer. You just did. But you survived. And, to be honest, if that cancer even thinks about coming back, I will kick its ass for you.”
The word “survived” felt like a double-edged sword. Sure, she’d made it out alive, but every doctor’s appointment, every scan, reminded her that survival wasn’t guaranteed—just borrowed time. Grateful and annoyed simultaneously, she glanced over at her best friend. “You’re the worst, you know that?”
Amanda grinned. “I know, but you love me anyway.”
Jamie couldn’t help but laugh, the sound breaking through the heaviness in the room. “Yeah, I do.”
Amanda nudged her with her foot. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”
Jamie sighed, staring at the TV again, but her mind was a little clearer this time. “I don’t know yet... but maybe it’s time I figure it out.”
Amanda’s voice softened, her teasing gone. “You care about both of them. That’s not a bad thing, Jamie. But pulling away because you’re scared? That’s not the answer either. Don’t make that decision for Beth, or Lily. Let them choose you if that’s what they want.”
She stared at the loose thread in her lap, tugging at it absently as she sat in the feeling of her own fear. “And if they get hurt because of me?”
“Then you deal with it together,” Amanda said simply.
The next day, Jamie stood at the edge of the gym floor, arms crossed, watching Lily move through her floor routine with practiced grace. All her weeks of hard work had paid off. Her form was solid, her tumbling clean, but Jamie could see the tightness in her movement, the slight hesitation in her landings. Her evaluation with the US Gymnastics Federation was coming soon, and Jamie could tell that pressure weighed heavily on Lily. After all, this evaluation was the first obstacle to clear Lily’s path to the Olympics.
The gym hummed with the familiar sounds of feet pounding the mats, the muted clang of uneven bars, and the distant chatter of parents and kids. The smell of chalk dust and sweat clung to the air, making everything feel a bit heavier. The overhead lights buzzed, casting a sterile glow on the equipment.
“Good, Lily, good,” Jamie called out, as Lily finished her final pass, but there was a faint waver in her landing. Subtle, only perceptible to experienced eyes. She could sense the nervesunderneath Lily’s usually confident form. The kid was pushing hard, maybe too hard.
Lily jogged over, breathing hard, her brow furrowed in frustration. “I don’t know. That felt weird. I think I came out of the twist too soon.”
“You’re overthinking it,” she said, her voice calm, trying to ease the tension she could see building in Lily’s frame. She saw so much of herself in Lily—in the ways she was constantly pushing herself to be the best. But she’d be damned if she let Lily push herself too hard. “Your body knows what to do. Trust it. Don’t let your head get in the way.”
Lily nodded, her expression still tight as she wiped her hands on her leotard. “I’m going to run through it again but add the double layout.” Lily bit her lip, her big blue eyes briefly meeting Jamie’s before she took a deep breath and jogged back to the corner of the mat.
Jamie’s pulse quickened as she watched Lily set up for a more complex pass, a series of flips she had been working on for weeks. The takeoff was solid, but the moment Lily’s feet hit the mat on her second flip, Jamie knew something was wrong, and she was already moving toward her before she fully realized what had happened.
Lily’s foot had slipped on the landing, her ankle twisting awkwardly as she crumpled to the floor. The sickening thud echoed in Jamie’s ears, and her stomach dropped.
“Lily!” Jamie’s muscles tensed so tightly it felt like a rubber band stretched to its limit, ready to snap at any moment. She raced across the floor, her fingers twitched, desperate to act, to fix, to control the situation, as she reached Lily’s side.
Lily was clutching her leg, her face scrunched up in pain, lips pressed tight to keep from crying. Jamie crouched beside her, trying to keep her voice steady as panic gnawed at the edges of her mind. “Hey, hey—it’s okay. I’m here. Don’t move.”
Lily’s breath was shaky, her voice coming out in a whimper. “It hurts, Jamie. My leg—it really hurts.”