Page 26 of Balancing Act
“Good. Now another one,” Jamie instructed.
Lily jabbed with her left arm this time. “Now put some feeling behind it. Take everything you’re feeling inside and get it out.” Lily punched harder as she increased the speed of her throws until she was panting as she kept pace. “Get it all out, Lily. It’s okay,” she encouraged.
She watched as Lily squared her shoulders, giving the bag one final, powerful jab before whipping around, throwing herself down on the mats, pulling her knees up to her chest, and burying her face in her arms. Her body shook as tears poured from her eyes.
Oh no. Okay, what now? What now?Jamie thought to herself.
She could deal with the anger, but crying? Jamie was not equipped to deal with that. She had never been one for tears, always working out her problems through physical means, but rarely would she cry herself. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had cried. She looked down at Lily and then at the door, as if someone else was about to swoop in and help her. But no one was coming. It was just her.
Jamie sat on the floor next to Lily and reached a hand out, hesitating slightly, before patting Lily on the back, trying to offer her some semblance of comfort. God, this was awkward.
“Want to talk about it?” she asked quietly.
Lily lifted her head to look up at Jamie. Tears fell freely from swollen eyes as they streaked down her flushed, freckled skin. Her blue eyes were ringed with an angry red.
“I just don’t—” She hiccuped. “I can’t?—”
“Shhh, it’s okay,” Jamie reassured her, putting an arm around her shoulders and trying to comfort the girl whose small frame was beginning to shake as she worked herself up again. “Let’s take a few calming breaths.” She shifted her position so she was crouched on the floor in front of Lily, her hands on her shoulders. “Inhale for 1-2-3-4-5-6, and exhale, 2-3-4-5-6-7-8.” She repeated this pattern until Lily’s breathing had slowed and her hiccups had subsided.
“You wouldn’t understand,” Lily spoke quietly, hanging her head. “No one understands.” The tears started to well up again.
“Try me?”
Lily eyed her suspiciously, tilting her head slightly as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Jamie felt like she was fourteen again, too, grappling with the same thing. Something she didn’t understand shifted in her, and at that moment, Jamiewanted to be that person for Lily. She wanted to be someone Lily could trust and lean on.
“I’ve wanted to go to the Olympics for as long as I can remember,” Lily started. “Nothing else.” She wiped fresh tears from her eyes. “It used to feel like something I could do. Like, all I ever wanted. But now . . . I don’t know. It feels different. Like, nothing fits anymore.”
“Kind of like the gym has lost its sparkle?” Jamie filled in knowingly.
She was, unfortunately, a little too familiar with that feeling Lily was referencing. Twice in her career, Jamie had felt like the shine and sparkle of gymnastics—the thing she loved most in the world—had slipped away, to the point where she walked right up to the line between quitting and staying. The first time, with the help of her friends, she turned around, deciding to stay. She had gone on to win her first gold medal that year. However, the second time, she’d crossed that line without a second thought.
Both times had saved her life in different ways.
“Yeah,” Lily agreed softly, her eyes still glued to the floor.
Jamie didn’t push Lily to talk. She wanted Lily to come to her when she was ready. It would take time, trust, and work to get Lily to open up to her, and it was work she intended to do.
“I think we should call it a day.” Jamie stood, helping Lily up to her feet. “You did well.” She smiled reassuringly and was promptly met with another one of Lily’s eye rolls.
“No, I didn’t.” Her shoulders slumped. “I couldn’t make that transition on the bars.”
“Hey, no, absolutely not. None of that negative self-talk. What I saw today was strength and perseverance. You kept getting up and trying again, no matter what. That’s what counts, Lily.”
A small smile formed on Lily’s lips as she took in what Jamie had said, and before Jamie could register what was happening,Lily flung her arms around Jamie’s waist, wrapping her tightly in a hug. She stood, frozen to the spot, not quite sure what to do or what to say. She awkwardly wrapped her arms around the younger gymnast, trying to reassure her without words that everything would be okay. That she would help Lily find that sparkle again.
The next morning came bright and early, or as bright as a mid-October morning in the Pacific Northwest could muster. Beth’s vintage Land Rover Discovery pulled into the parking lot of PGTC, tires splashing through puddles left by the on-and-off-again morning rain. Lily waved excitedly from the front seat as the car came to a stop in front of Jamie.
Well, that was one question already answered. Lily seemed to be in better spirits than she had the day before.
“Hi,” the two blondes said, almost in unison.
“We got you a coffee!” Lily handed her a compostable to-go cup before climbing out of Beth’s car.
“We stopped at Latte Love—you know, that coffee shop in town that’s always changing its name,” Beth supplied from the driver’s seat.
“That same place that used to be Bean Around the World?”
“Yes. Last year it was Less Depresso, More Espresso. I think the owner was going through a breakup...” Beth’s train of thought was punctuated by her own laughter. She seemed tickled by her own wit, which Jamie was now realizing she found remarkably endearing. “My personal favorite was Steamy Mornings. Sadly, it didn’t last very long.”