Page 35 of Balancing Act
“There isn’t anything going on with me and Beth.”
Amanda’s lips cracked into a smile. “Yeah, okay.” She laughed, bumping her shoulder into Jamie’s.
“Can we not do this right now?” Jamie groaned, running her fingers through damp curls and twisting them back into a topknot as they started walking back to the gym.
“I have eyes, you know,” Amanda pressed. “I can tell you two have it bad for each other.”
“We do not!”
“Yeah, you totally do.”
“We’re just friends.” Jamie echoed the lie she’d been trying to tell herself for the last few weeks—that she and Beth were friends; that there were no lingering feelings between them—but she knew that wasn’t entirely true. If it were, Jamie wouldn’t have vivid fantasies of Beth flashing through her mind daily. She could feel it in every interaction with her. How her body responded in little ways, like how she felt her cheeks heat when Beth’s beautiful blue eyes were on her, or how her heart rate spiked slightly when she talked to Beth.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself, babe.” Amanda smirked. “But that dopey, lovestruck puppy look you get whenever you’rein the same room together? That says a lot.” She clapped a hand on Jamie’s back as they moved into the parking lot of PGTC. “Can I be totally honest with you for a sec?” Amanda’s voice was hesitant—a rare occurrence for her best friend, who was always assured and confident.
“If I said no, would that stop you?”
“Absolutely not.” Amanda faced her, her head cocked, causing a thick curtain of red waves to hang to one side. “You fought so hard to kick cancer’s ass, to do what? You spend most days alone playing video games or hiking. You have an occasional one-night stand when you’re feeling lonely, and you see me every few months. Is that the life you’ve always wanted? Is that enough for you?”
“I do more than that,” Jamie said dumbly, caught off guard by Amanda’s blunt observation. “Sometimes I do yoga.” She tried to hide her discomfort at being called out by Amanda in a joke, her go-to defense mechanism, but she knew Amanda saw right through it.
Whathadshe been doing for the last few years? She’d beaten cancer but hadn’t figured out how to live afterward. That part had been harder than she’d expected. Her life had become so small—no career, no family, not even a plant to care for. She told herself she liked it that way, but lately, the lie felt paper-thin, already fraying at the edges—especially when she thought about Beth.
“I don’t know, Amanda,” Jamie said genuinely.
“Well, there’s no time like the present to figure it out.” Amanda shot her a look that saidIt’s about fucking time to figure it outbefore continuing. “I love you, Lyons, but I can’t keep sitting quietly watching you waste your life away. You need to find your fire again, whatever it is.”
Jamie scoffed. Amanda had always been good at knowing when to show tough love, and as much as she’d pretended tohate it, she loved her for it, even if it meant Jamie occasionally found herself on the receiving end.
“Promise me you’ll consider moving back here. I think it would be really good for you. You could keep coaching, or even consult. Do you know how many people would kill to have you mentor them? Hell, I miss you kicking my ass in training every day. Don’t you? Just come back and find your footing.” Amanda squeezed her arm.
Come back and start living again.The words echoed in Jamie’s mind, clashing with every excuse she’d spent years perfecting. Oregon was safe, simple, quiet—everything Seattle wasn’t. But quiet didn’t feel as comforting as it used to. And lately, the idea of being seen in deeper ways didn’t feel as terrifying as it once had.
“I’ll think about it. I promise.”
Amanda’s seriousness was replaced with her warm smile again.
“See, that wasn’t so hard now, was it? Your therapist deserves a huge raise, though. I thought for sure you were going to take off sprinting at one point.”
“What can I say.” Jamie’s voice was dry. “Growth is possible.”
The rumble of Beth’s Land Rover pulled Jamie’s attention before she realized she was searching for it. The sound seemed to vibrate through her chest, settling between her ribs. She waved instinctively, her pulse quickening as Beth stepped out.
“You’ve got one massive crush, Jamie Lyons.” Amanda leaned in closer before whispering, “Now you need to decide what you’re going to do about it.”
Jamie kept busy at the gym that week, but she couldn’t shake the question Amanda had asked her. Was her life enough? The thought gnawed at her. Amanda’s words always crept back in, no matter how hard she focused. She was still turning it over when a voice carried across the gym, snapping her back to the present.
“Earth to Jamie.” Lily waved her arms across the floor mats. “Are you going to go or what?”
She shook her head and centered herself in the moment. She and Lily had been playing Stick It, a game Jamie and Amanda had made up when they had been kids. The idea was similar to the game Horse in basketball. The first one to spell out Stick It loses.
“What? Afraid I’m gonna win?” Lily called out.
“What’s the call, Gallagher?” Jamie teased back.
“Roundoff, double back handspring, double layout.”
Easy, Jamie thought as she rolled back her shoulders, setting herself in the corner of the mat. She lined herself up for her turn, her focus sharp. It took ten seconds for Jamie to execute a seamless roundoff followed by the double back handspring, culminating in a perfectly landed double layout.Hell yeah.She still had it.