Page 130 of Balancing Act

The rest of the day passed in a quiet, albeit tentative rhythm.

After Jamie had made the call to the doctor’s office—Beth’s hand clasped firmly over hers the whole time—neither of them had much to say. Not because there wasn’t more to be said, but because they were both still working their way back to solid ground. So they settled into a familiar silence, moving around each other through the house, slowly falling back into place.

Now, the sun had dipped low in the sky, casting warm amber light through the living room window. Beth was curled up in the corner of the couch, a sapphic romance novel about two women tangled in a workplace romance in the military resting in her lap. Jamie was on the other end, legs stretched out in front of her, phone in hand, catching up on all the women’s sports highlights she had missed over the last couple of days.

Beth turned a page, her eyes scanning the words without absorbing a single one. She sighed, shifting against the cushions.

Jamie didn’t look up from her phone. “Are you going to keep fake-reading that book, or are you just going to admit you can’t focus?” Jamie finally said.

Beth scowled at her, shutting the book with a soft thud. “Shush.”

Jamie smirked, but the amusement didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Beth let out a slow breath, letting the comfortable lull of Jamie’s presence settle over her again. It wasn’t normal yet. Not quite. But it was getting closer.

Then, out of nowhere—like she had been holding it in all day—Jamie spoke.

“Do you still want me to move in?”

That surprised her, rendering her momentarily speechless.

She turned her head, startled by the question’s abruptness. Jamie was still staring at her phone, but she could see the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers flexed and curled against the device like she was bracing for impact.

Beth already knew the answer.

Yes.

Of course, yes.

But she also knew she couldn’t just say yes and leave it at that. She was still hurt and afraid.

She shifted in her seat, taking her time before answering Jamie’s question as she set the book aside, turning to face Jamie more fully. “I do,” Beth admitted, watching Jamie closely. “But I also need to be honest with you.”

“Okay.” The nervousness in Jamie’s voice disarmed her.

Beth steadied herself. “I’m not the kind of person who takes big steps lightly. I’ve only ever lived with one other person before and said I love you to one other person. And you know how that turned out.”

Jamie nodded, the ghost of understanding flickering in her eyes.

She continued. “But what I feel for you is real. That’s never been the question.” She swallowed, choosing her words delicately. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have... concerns.” She paused, chancing a glance at Jamie, whose brown eyes were focused on her. “What worries me is that sometimes my patiencewith people gets me into trouble. I wait. I make excuses. I give chances. And sometimes that means I get hurt.”

Jamie sat up a little straighter, phone forgotten.

Beth met her gaze, needing her to really hear this. “I’m not saying I regret being patient with you. I love you, Jamie, and I really, really want this to work. But I need to know you’re not taking advantage of my patience.”

“I’m not,” she said quickly. “I swear to you, I’m not.”

Beth searched her face, looking for hesitation, for doubt, but all she saw was sincerity, like she always did with Jamie. She wanted to believe her, but something stopped her short.

Softer now, Jamie’s voice wavered. “I know I’ve made mistakes. I know I keep running when things get hard. But it’s not because I don’t love you or because I don’t want this.” She shook her head. “I want to change this part of myself, Beth. I need to.”

She nodded slowly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She wanted to believe that. She did believe that.

But . . .

Beth sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. “I’m having a hard time trusting that you’re not going to run the next time things get hard.”

Jamie stiffened but didn’t look away.