Page 123 of Balancing Act

She could feel Amanda’s eyes on her, but Jamie didn’t look up. Didn’t say anything.

A beat of silence. Then, Amanda’s voice, sharp but with an edge of concern, rang out.

“Where have you been all weekend?”

She still didn’t answer.

“I swear to God, you better have a damn good reason for ghosting everyone.”

Jamie heard footsteps approaching her, quick and purposeful, but she still didn’t move.

“Seriously, Jamie,” Amanda continued, dropping onto the couch beside her. “Beth’s worried. She asked me if I’d heardfrom you, and you didn’t answer my call. Then Shannon called me this afternoon because you never showed up to your meeting with her.”

Jamie swallowed. The words should have hurt, but she was far past hurting.

“We’ve all been really worried,” Amanda said, when Jamie still didn’t answer, her frustration rolling off her in waves. “Look, I get needing space from whatever it is you needed space from, but two days? No calls, no texts? No one even knew where the hell you were. This is some serious old Jamie shit. New sparkly Jamie would never.”

Jamie finally lifted her head, her voice hoarse from disuse. “I fucked it up.”

A confused look landed on Amanda’s face as she took Jamie in.

“What?”

Jamie wet her lips, forcing the words out even though they felt like shards of glass in her throat. “Beth. I fucked everything up.”

Amanda frowned, studying her more closely. Her irritation wavered, giving way to her concern. “Jamie, what’s going on?”

Jamie shook her head. She couldn’t say it. She couldn’t force the words out of her mouth.

Amanda’s voice dropped. “Did something happen?”

A pause.

Jamie opened her mouth—then closed it. Her hands curled into fists on her lap.

Amanda shifted, angling herself toward Jamie, her concern now outweighing her frustration. “Talk to me.”

Jamie didn’t. She couldn’t.

“Jamie, I’m not playing around. What’s wrong? I come home to find you here, looking like this”—Amanda gestured at her—“and all you can say is that you ‘fucked it up’ with Beth? What the hell happened?”

Suddenly, Jamie pushed off the couch and grabbed her coat from where she’d draped it over the armrest. Everything inside her screamed to shut down again, to disappear, to slip back into the numbness she’d been drowning in. But she knew Amanda. Knew if she stayed, she wouldn’t let it go.

She snatched up her keys.

Amanda stood, stepping in her path. “Jamie, hey. Hey. Where the hell are you going?”

Jamie’s voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “I need to go.”

“Go where?” Amanda’s eyes narrowed. “Beth’s?”

Jamie didn’t answer.

“Jamie—”

“I can’t be here right now.”

Amanda’s jaw tightened. For a second, Jamie thought she might physically block the door.