Page 16 of Balancing Act
“I don’t.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Lily asked next.
“Lily!” Sarah warned, her voice stern.
“What? I’m being inclusive!” Lily shrugged, and Jamie laughed.
“It’s okay. I’m happy to answer. I don’t have a girlfriend right now, but I am a lesbian.” Beth, who obviously knew this particular information, watched Sarah, whose shock flashed for only the briefest moment before being replaced with a thin-lipped smile.
“Oh, cool! My moms know a ton of lesbians you could date!”
At that moment, Beth wanted to crawl inside her skin and die of embarrassment. She thought she had put the years of her kid saying embarrassing things behind them now that Lily was a teenager. She’d clearly thought wrong.
Jamie let out an audible laugh. “I’m sure they do.”
“You know what? Lily’s right,” Sarah said cheerfully. “We do know a ton of lesbians. Even if you’re not looking to date, we have some pretty amazing friends. You should come to the next Puget Sound Pride home game with us in a few weeks. I have a box, and a few friends usually attend each game. It would be fun for you to meet some people. You and Beth can take the ferry over together. The next home game is in three weeks. Let me grab your number, and I’ll text you the info.”
Jesus, Sarah.Beth’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. She hoped it wasn’t as obvious as it felt.
“Really!?” Jamie replied. “That would be great! It’s been a while since I’ve been able to catch a game in person. I’ve been living in Oregon for the past few years.” Jamie and Sarah exchanged contact information as Lily finished off her ice cream.
“What took you to Oregon?” Beth asked curiously. She had known from their night together that Jamie had just returned to town. She’d told her as much, but she hadn’t said where she had been or why she had been away, and Beth couldn’t let go of those questions. That had been information they were supposed to discuss on their dinner date—the date that would never happen.
“I’ve got a house down there on the coast. It’s where I spend most of my time these days. It’s my favorite place in the world. There’s something about the gray and how the ocean crashes against the cliffs that helps me think.”
“That’s got to be beautiful,” Sarah said. “I love the Oregon coast. Beth, remember that trip we took there right before we had Lily?” Sarah’s hand gave Beth’s knee a gentle squeeze, and her whole body tensed, her eyes immediately glancing to Jamie, whose eyes were fixed on Sarah’s hand, her perplexation at the touch on her face. Jamie’s eyes snapped up to meet her own as she nodded in response to Sarah’s question. “Some of the most breathtakingly beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.”
“What brings you back here? Besides coaching?” Beth asked.
“Coaching for now. I’ll head back to Oregon at the end of the year. Amanda called me shortly after Lily decided to switch coaches. She sent me some footage of Lily competing, explained the situation with her injury, and wanted to know if I could come to help for a few months.”
“Wait a minute. You’re literally only here to help me?” Lily asked suspiciously, slowly making the connection. “Why?”
“Talent recognizes talent when it sees it.” Jamie beamed at Lily. “And hey, you’ve already made strides in the past two weeks.” Beth watched her daughter’s reaction, expecting to see the excitement on Lily’s face at what Jamie said. After all, Jamie was someone Lily fiercely looked up to. Instead, her face fell slightly. Jamie took notice of the shift, too, and shot a glance at Beth. The only person who didn’t seem to notice was Sarah.
“Well, I think I can speak for all of us when I say we’re thrilled to have you working with Lily.” Sarah wrapped an arm around Lily’s shoulders, squeezing her. “We’re going to get our girl to the Olympics.”
“Eww, Mom, stop it.”
“I’m thrilled to be here.” Jamie checked her Apple Watch. “Thanks for letting me crash your family ice cream night, but I’ve got to run. See you guys at the gym tomorrow morning.”
After saying goodbye, Jamie walked back up the main street in the direction she had come from. Beth, Lily, and Sarah returned to the car to head back to her house.
At home, Sarah helped clean up from dinner while Lily stretched in the living room. Jack Johnson played quietly through the Bluetooth speaker. Soon after, Lily announced that she was going to bed, popped into the kitchen to say good night to both of them, and wrapped her arms around Sarah. Then, much to her surprise, around Beth.
Beth let her body sink into the hug for a moment as she soaked it in. This simple act that was so normal had felt forced between herself and her daughter over the last year.
“Good night, Mama. I love you.”
“Night, my love.” She kissed the crown of Lily’s head like she always had since Lily had been big enough to hug her, and for a moment, Beth felt like everything between them would be fine. She glanced around, caught Sarah’s eye, and smiled gently.
Once Lily was downstairs and Sarah was confident she would not return, Sarah asked, “So, should I head home? Or should I pour us another glass of wine?” Her jaw settled into a lazy flirtatious grin that Beth had always been a sucker for. She had been since the day they met in college.
Beth knew exactly what Sarah was asking. Would they fall right back into the same pattern? Friday night, family dinner,Lily goes to bed, a few glasses of wine between them, and they inevitably end up in bed together.
For a while following their divorce, family dinners had been an excruciatingly awkward event as they learned how to navigate co-parenting and their new dynamic as exes. They had each dated other people since the divorce, but neither of their relationships seemed to stick. While time had healed some wounds, allowing them to build a friendship out of the ruins of their marriage, that line between friends and lovers always seemed to be a little bit blurry for them, which always led to Beth finding herself back in the familiarity of Sarah’s bed.
It was shocking to Beth how easy it had been for her to fall back into her old life with Sarah. It was comfortable, like putting on her favorite cozy sweater. She allowed herself to be wrapped up in that feeling and clouded from the reality that their same problems still existed. Inevitably, that same comfy sweater would begin to feel a little too tight and the tiniest bit itchy, until one day, those feelings would finally get to her. That’s how she always felt afterward, but she still found herself coming back to Sarah for more.