Page 21 of Balancing Act

Sarah, mid-Peloton workout (as usual), propped her phone up to talk. A faint sheen of sweat glistened on her skin as she pedaled, and Beth couldn’t help the involuntary way seeing Sarah like that—all glowing and glossy—made her need to press her thighs together as she told herself toget a grip.

“Hey, sweetie!” Sarah said, panting a little as she peddled. “How’s my favorite gymnast today?”

Sarah’s connection with Lily was easy, almost fluid-like—the kind of bond Beth often found herself overthinking. Maybe that was just Sarah: confident, effortless, and always one step ahead.

“I better be your favorite gymnast,” Lily retorted, poking her tongue out.

“Promise you won’t forget Mama and me after you go off and win a bunch of Olympic gold medals.” Sarah beamed as she pedaled, and Lily continued chatting.

The bond between Sarah and Lily had always seemed easy. They shared the same fiery spirit and a relentless push toward their goals, both brimming with that same intense ambition and drive. Neither ever let obstacles deter them. Beth could see Sarah’s best traits in their daughter, and she absolutely loved them.

But while she might love the parallels between her daughter and Sarah, this shared intensity and likeness meant Beth couldn’t help but question her own role in the family, and those questions rarely left her feeling steady as a mother.

She shook her head.

Parenthood isn’t a competition,she reminded herself. So why did it always feel like one?

“Still feeling good about, you know... everything?” Sarah asked tentatively, and Beth could tell she was trying to gauge Lily’s mood. “Feeling strong?”

“Yup!”

“I’m so proud of you, Lils.” Sarah spoke between breaths as she continued to pedal. “Your mama and I both are.”

Beth pulled into the parking lot of PGTC. “Sar, we gotta go,” she said, leaning into view of the camera. “We just pulled into the parking lot.”

“Love you, Mom!”

“Love you, Lilypad! Crush it today. Bye, B!” Sarah said, and Beth caught the small wink she threw at her before the screen went dark.

A swirl of brunette curls caught Beth’s eye as Jamie exited the gym and hurried toward the white Sprinter van Beth had guessed was hers. Like most days, Jamie was in her signature joggers, quarter zip, and brightly colored sneakers, which Beth had learned was her preferred gym attire. She let her eyes linger on Jamie for a moment.

“Earth to Mom!?” Lily said frustratedly.

“Sorry, love, what was that?” Beth said, turning to look at Lily.

“Are you going to come watch some of my practice later?” she asked again.

“Y-yeah. Absolutely.” Beth turned her attention back on Lily as she tried to play it cool. First, Lily had willingly initiated a conversation with her to compliment her. Now, Lily was asking Beth specifically to come watch her practice. She didn’t want to misspeak or say anything to ruin the leaps and bounds they had come in the last few weeks, so she said nothing beyond what she had already verbalized.

They sat for a moment. With her hand on the door handle, Lily lingered like she wanted to say more to Beth, but only silence stretched between them.

Why was it so hard for Beth to organize her thoughts sometimes? There was so much she wanted to say.

Finally, Lily said, “I should get inside.” She pulled the door handle. “Love you, Mama.”

“Love you.”

Lily’s words landed on her softly.Mama.She had always been Mama to Lily, but she knew there would come a day when Lily would most likely grow out of that term, and Beth would just be Mom. Her mind swirled with everything she wanted to say—I’m so proud of you, andI don’t know how to connect with you, but I’m trying, andYour drive inspires me.I’m sorryall swirled around her mind, just out of reach, but the moment passed. The passenger door slammed shut, and Lily’s blonde ponytail swayed as she disappeared into the building.

There was a soft tapping at her window, and Beth turned to see Jamie. Jamie gave her that warm smile that Beth wanted to sink into completely. She plastered on her signatureno worriessmile as she rolled the window down.

“Hey, stranger,” Jamie said, leaning into the open window. “Lily really is committed to being the first one here every day, isn’t she?”

“Yes,” she answered, with an unsteady laugh. “Which means I, too, am committed. I can’t wait until she’s sixteen and can drive. I won’t know what to do with all my free time,” Beth joked and, God, could she be any lamer? But if Jamie thought it, it didn’t show.

“I was like that, too, when I was her age. It drove my dad nuts. He’d always insist that we swing by Wilson’s Diner on the way to the gym so he could pick up his coffee and a bagel.”

Her attention drifted to Jamie’s lips as they moved, forming words Beth was no longer following. She remembered how soft they had been, how tender they had been against her neck, tracing a warm path down to her collarbone.Focus, Beth, she scolded herself, trying to anchor her thoughts back to the present.