Page 108 of Balancing Act

Beth shifted, resting her elbows on her knees. “You’re afraid of something terrible happeningsomeday, maybeand trying to protect yourself—understandably so. But in doing that, acting from that place of fear of whatmighthappen in the future is damaging what we have now, in this moment.”

Jamie’s shoulders dropped and sadness filled her eyes.

Beth softened. “I know you think you’re protecting yourself. But I need you to understand that shutting me out isn’t just hurting you—it’s hurtingus.”

Jamie met her eyes, and as she did, she nodded, dark curls swaying with the movement.

A long silence stretched between them, the only sound the soft lapping of water against the dock as the joint was quietly passed back and forth. She watched as Jamie opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to get words out that wouldn’t come to her, and she nervously rubbed her hands over her thighs. Beth reached out, taking a hand in hers and squeezing it gently. She didn’t have the power to take away Jamie’s fear—sheknew that. But she had the power to help her feel less alone as she navigated its complex waters.

“Would you come with me?”

Beth blinked. “Where? To your appointment?”

“Yeah. I mean, I usually go alone. I always have. But I don’t think I want to this time.”

“Of course I’ll go,” she answered quickly. Like she would ever say anything but yes.

“Thank you, not just for coming, but for”—she shrugged—“for just being you, and being someone I can talk to about this.”

Beth smiled softly. “That’s the cool thing about us being girlfriends now is you never have to do anything alone, ever again if you don’t want to.”

Jamie laughed, that smile Beth had been trying to coax out of her appearing. She brought Beth’s hand to her lips, pressing a kiss against her knuckles. “I’m learning that.”

She knew this wasn’t an instant fix. Jamie’s fears wouldn’t disappear overnight. But this? Jamieaskingfor help? Letting her in?

It was a step. A big one.

She scooted closer, nestling herself up against Jamie’s frame, and Jamie instinctively wrapped her arms around her as they gazed at the dark water.

The following Thursday came quickly, and she found herself perched on a standard-issue doctor’s office sofa that was too stiff, with floral patterns that she supposed were meant to be calming. She took in the room around her, cataloging the various shades of taupe and blush pinks. Calming artworks with abstract swaths of color adorned the walls, creating the illusion of decor. It was all kind of sad—an artificial environment meant to trick the brain into calmness.

Beth had never given much thought to mammograms.

She had gotten her first one the year before, at forty, just a routine screening—her doctor had recommended it as a preventative measure. She hadn’t been nervous. Hadn’t thought much about it at all, really. It had been another appointment to check off her list, like a dental cleaning or an annual physical. But as she sat beside Jamie in the hospital waiting room, she realized how naive that had been.

Jamie hadn’t spoken much on the ride over. Beth had let her be, filling the silence with music and sneaking occasional glances at Jamie. The nervous energy was beneath the surface, but Jamie held herself together the way she always did—tight, composed, and in control.

Now, sitting shoulder to shoulder in the waiting area, she saw the cracks forming.

Jamie was gripping the armrests of the chair too tightly. Her shoulders were rigid, her leg bouncing slightly, a nervous tick Beth rarely saw in her. The air smelled like antiseptic and freshly brewed coffee from the cart down the hall, and the fluorescent lights overhead were harsh and impersonal.

She instinctively slid her hand over Jamie’s knee, causing her to still, and she gave a gentle squeeze. Their eyes met, and she attempted to pass a silent reassurance between them. A door opened, drawing their attention, and a nurse called Jamie’s name. A small breath escaped Jamie before she pushed herself up to stand.

Beth stood too.

“I’ve got to do this part solo,” she said, with a small smile. Beth knew that. She wrapped her arms around Jamie anyway.

“I love you. You’ve got this. I’ll be right here when you’re done.”

Jamie’s eyes met hers. Beth knew she couldn’t go with her, but she wanted to. More than anything, she wanted to hold Jamie’s hand, to be there in that cold, sterile room and remindher that she wasn’t alone. But this was something Jamie had to do on her own.

Beth reached out, letting her fingers brush against Jamie’s wrist before curling around her hand.

Jamie nodded once, letting out the breath she had been holding, and then she was gone, disappearing through double doors.

Beth sat back down, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in her chest. She folded her hands in her lap, glancing around the waiting room, and that’s when she really started to notice.

A woman across from her was clutching a rosary, her lips moving in silent prayer. Her hands trembled slightly as she rolled the beads between her fingers.