Page 132 of Balancing Act

But Beth was here.

And that made it bearable. Not easy. Not even close. But bearable.

She turned her head slightly, letting her eyes settle on Beth. Her girlfriend seemed so at ease in the doctor’s office. Jamie supposed that made sense—Beth didn’t have her same experiences here. This place didn’t have the possibility of spelling the end for her.

Beth wasn’t afraid of places like this.

Jamie wished she could say the same.

The receptionist’s window slid open with a quiet whoosh, and she flinched at the sound. A nurse called someone else’s name, and she had to stop herself from recoiling at the realization that, eventually, it would be her turn.

She needed a distraction.

“Tell me something,” she muttered to Beth.

“Like what?”

Jamie shrugged. “I don’t know. Just—let’s talk about something that isn’t this.”

Beth hummed, tapping her fingers lightly against Jamie’s leg. “Okay,” she said, tilting her head in thought. Then, she smirked. “I got a spot at an artist-in-residence program at UCLA this summer.”

That got her attention. She turned her head, studying Beth with sudden interest. “Yeah?”

Beth nodded. “Final deadline to accept the residency is next week.”

Jamie’s stomach flipped—not with dread, but excitement. Beth was so damn talented. Of course UCLA wanted her.

She straightened a little in her chair. “That’s amazing,” she said, already thinking of logistics. “It’s only the summer, right?We can totally make this work. I can stay here with Lily, and you could come back every few weeks, or we could visit you in LA. It’s not that far, and...” She trailed off when she caught the amused expression on Beth’s face. Jamie blinked, confused. “Why aren’t you excited?”

The smile on her face was weak as her fingers twitched against Jamie’s leg. “I decided not to take it.”

Jamie’s brain short-circuited for a second. Surely she’d misheard her.

“What?”

“I’m not going,” she said just as simply.

Jamie’s mouth opened, then shut. She searched Beth’s face, waiting for a punchline. “But... Beth. Isn’t this what you wanted? A residency program. That’s the next step for you, right?”

Beth gave a small, tired smile. “I know.”

“Then why—” Jamie stopped herself. “Why aren’t you going?”

Beth hesitated, glancing down at where their hands rested together. “Because it’s not what I want anymore,” she said finally, her voice softer now.

Jamie frowned, trying to understand. “But?—”

“For years, I thought it was my dream,” Beth interrupted gently. “That this was the next big step. That it was what I should do. But now, when I think about it?” She met Jamie’s gaze, searching. “It’s not. Not right now.”

Jamie stared at her in disbelief. This was a huge deal. A residency program at UCLA.

Beth tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, continuing. “I want to focus on what’s in front of me for once. I want to focus on Lily, on you, on us. I’ll always have art, Jamie. That won’t change. But maybe the shape of the dream I thought I had ischanging, and that feels like where my focus should be right now, not chasing things for the sake of chasing.”

Jamie’s heart squeezed painfully in her chest as realization dawned on her. Beth was choosing this. Choosing her. She didn’t know what to say. So, she took Beth’s hand, running her thumb lightly over the ridge of her knuckles.

“Okay,” she murmured.

Beth tilted her head. “Yeah?”