Page 109 of Balancing Act

To Beth’s left, another woman—probably in her early forties—was bouncing her knee uncontrollably, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. She was staring at the floor, her expression unreadable but tense.

Everywhere Beth looked, someone was waiting—for answers, for reassurance, for news that could change everything.

And Jamie had been doing this by herself every year since she was twenty-four.

A lump formed in her throat as that fact landed. Jamie had never once let on how much these appointments took out of her. But now, sitting here—watching, waiting—Beth felt it.

This wasn’t just an annual routine.

This was a gamble, a test of time.

For Jamie, these appointments weren’t about prevention. They were about survival. Beth had never had to think about that before.

She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. All she could do now was wait.

An hour later, the water stretched wide around them, dark and endless, the gentle rocking of the ferry rhythmic beneaththeir feet. The Seattle skyline shimmered in the distance, golden lights reflecting against the inky surface of the Sound. It was peaceful, almost eerily so, given how heavy Beth’s heart still felt.

Jamie stood beside her at the railing, staring out at the water. She hadn’t said much since they’d walked out of the hospital, only that everything had gone as expected and that she would get her results in a week or so.

Beth hadn’t pushed for more. She knew that wasn’t what Jamie needed. She needed her to be there for her to lean on when she was ready.

She slipped an arm around Jamie’s waist, pressing herself into her side.

Jamie’s body eased into the touch, into her.

Beth nuzzled into her shoulder, her voice barely above the wind. “I’m proud of you.”

“For what?”

She pulled back enough to meet Jamie’s eyes. “For showing up. For doing this, year after year, even though I know how much it scares you. For carrying all of this alone, even when you don’t have to.” She squeezed Jamie’s side gently. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Jamie’s throat bobbed. “It doesn’t feel like strength,” she admitted.

“I think that’s what makes it real,” she said, her chest aching at the quiet honesty in Jamie’s voice. “You’re not fearless, Jamie. But you still show up every day. You show up for me, for Lily. You show up for yourself. And that’s what makes you the strongest person I know.”

Jamie inhaled sharply, like she was about to respond, but then she nodded, her hand slipping out of her pocket to thread her fingers through Beth’s.

Beth held on, letting the calm wind whip around them, the ferry cutting through the dark water, and together, they stood in silence, each comforted by the presence of the other.

“Hey, Beth,” Jamie said, so softly Beth almost missed it. “Thanks for coming today. Everything feels more manageable when you’re around.”

Beth felt the smile spread through her. “I’m always here for you, Jamie. That’s what we do for the people we love.”

A comfortable silence stretched between them again, their fingers still laced together, and Beth couldn’t help but find Jamie’s warm grip to be grounding. She wanted to give Jamie the space she needed, but she could feel the shift already moving beneath the surface.

She felt it in the way Jamie’s thumb absently brushed over the back of her hand. In the way her breath hitched, barely noticeable, before she exhaled again.

Beth turned slightly, watching her. “What is it?” she asked softly.

Jamie swallowed, her eyes fixed on the dark water ahead, like she was searching for the right words in the waves. She tightened her grip, like she needed the anchor. She opened her mouth once, then closed it again before letting out a slow breath, shifting her weight. Then, finally, she said...

“I want to move in with you.”

“You want to what?” she said, before she even processed Jamie’s words as her fingers instinctively tightened around Jamie’s. She had let herself believe this might take longer, that Jamie still needed more time. But now Jamie was standing in front of her, saying the thing she had so badly wanted to hear.

Jamie turned to her now, eyes steady, even as Beth saw the nerves flicker beneath the surface. “I want to move in with you,” she repeated, firmer this time. “I know I hesitated before, and Iknow I hurt you by not having an answer when you asked. But it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. It was because I was scared.”

Jamie licked her lips, shaking her head slightly. “I’ve been scared of so many things, Beth. Of rushing. Of screwing this up. Of waking up one day and realizing I let myself have too much, that I let myself be too happy, and then having it all ripped away.” She let out a breath, shaking her head at herself. “But today—sitting in that waiting room, knowing you were there waiting for me—it hit me.” Jamie’s voice dropped, quiet but sure. “I don’t want to spend any more time being scared of something that hasn’t happened. I don’t want to keep holding back just because I might lose you someday, when the truth is, if I keep shutting you out—if I keep letting fear make my choices for me—I’ll lose you anyway, and that’s not what I want.”