Page 50 of Balancing Act

Could we even make it work?

It was a question she kept asking herself but could never quite find the answer to. A part of her wanted to believe it was possible—that the years they’d spent apart had somehow given them the space to grow, change, and come back stronger. After all, they had shared so much. Lily, a life, a home. Sarah knew her better than almost anyone—all the parts of her—and still, Sarah’s love for her was unwavering. Beth had always been the one between the two of them to waver.

But could I really be happy?

That question nagged at her, twisting in her gut. she sighed, tipping her head back and watching the sky shift from gray to darker gray as the clouds thickened.

What if I’m wrong?she wondered, thinking about Jamie again. The unknown. The risk.

With Jamie, the future was uncertain, uncharted, but it was also thrilling. Every time she was around her, Beth felt that spark of possibility; that sense of newness was exciting. With Jamie, she felt alive. Her heart never raced with Sarah the way it did with Jamie. The pull toward Jamie was different—sharp, and electric, like standing at the edge of something terrifyingly beautiful, not knowing whether you’d sink or swim.

The buzz from the weed settled into a mellow hum, and for the first time in days, her mind felt clear enough to cut through the noise.

What do I really want?

She asked herself the question with a kind of quiet honesty that she hadn’t allowed herself before, and as she did, she knew. The pull toward Jamie couldn’t be ignored. It wasn’t a fleeting feeling. It was real. The possibility of more than what she’d had before.

For the first time, she let herself imagine it fully. No fear, no guilt, just the truth. If she could have what she truly wanted, the one thing that made her feel alive, it wouldn’t be Sarah. It would be Jamie. Every part of her knew it now, with a certainty that left her breathless. The risk didn’t scare her anymore; the only thing that terrified her was the thought of letting Jamie slip away.

Her heart thudded softly against her ribs as the clarity hit her. She didn’t know what would come of it, didn’t know if Jamie would ever let her in fully, but the pull toward her was real. The thought of not pursuing Jamie felt like denying herself something essential like air or water.

The last of the joint burned low, and Beth stubbed it out. She didn’t have all the answers, but she finally felt like she was seeing the path more clearly.

Her phone screen illuminated and, glancing down, she saw Jamie’s name, which was accompanied by an involuntary tug in her chest.

Jamie 6:15 PM

Hey, Lily left her tablet at the gym again. I can drop it off if that’s okay with you.

Beth took a deep breath, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. Her heart fluttered with anticipation, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as she typed her reply.

Beth 6:16 PM

That would be great. Let me know when you’re on your way over.

She hit send and stared at the phone for a moment longer, her decision settling in. Jamie was coming over.

Beth stood, her limbs heavy from the high but her mind clearer than it had been in days. As she walked back toward herstudio, a sense of excitement buzzed through her—a quiet clarity that she hadn’t felt in weeks. Maybe it was Jamie. Maybe it was knowing what she wanted.

Back in the studio, she slipped the apron over her head, feeling a familiar pull toward the canvas. She picked up the brush she’d abandoned earlier, this time without hesitation. Her fingers dipped into a vibrant shade of yellow first, one she hadn’t used in weeks.

The color spread in wide strokes across the canvas, bold and confident. Next, she layered on shades of violet and teal and every color Jamie had made her see since that night in September. She didn’t overthink it this time. The doubt, the hesitation that had plagued her before—it was gone. She let it flow. Layers, texture, depth—the painting came alive beneath her hands.

With each stroke, her mind returned to Jamie. The warmth of her laugh, her quiet confidence. How she made her feel alive. The energy of those feelings spilled onto the canvas. She didn’t feel stuck anymore. She didn’t feel torn between two versions of herself, two possible futures. She felt here. Painting. Creating.

Living.

Jamie 8:12 PM

Wrapping up at the gym. On my way now.

Her heart raced as set the brush down, wiping her hands on her apron. She wasn’t sure what would happen when Jamie arrived, but she felt ready for whatever was coming next.

A short time later, Beth stood in the doorway, arms loosely crossed over her chest, watching Jamie pull up in her van. She saw Jamie hesitate for a moment before stepping out, tablet in hand, her usual confident demeanor absent. Beth got a smallwave from Jamie, restrained and tentative in a way she hadn’t seen before.

“Hey,” Beth greeted, her voice carefully light, trying not to betray the knot of nerves twisting in her stomach.

“Hey,” Jamie echoed, her tone equally as cautious. She held up the tablet with a half smile. “Lily’s tablet. She left it at the gym again.”