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"I do fucking care about you!" the low growl escaped my throat before I could stop it.

A deep pained expression flashed across her face and I felt a painful pang in my heart which mirrored the bitterness I saw on her face.

"Then why don't I see it Hayden?Sometimes I really think you care about me, you even got shot to save my life back then...but other times? .other times you simply don't care....if I'm happy...If I'm sad...but I'm not an object , I do have feelings too..."

"I also want to be happy too. ..i really want to be happy but even you can't give me that, it's just like a far away dream, one I'll probably never see the day it comes to a reality ...."

Fresh tears escaped her eyes and she wiped them furiously ...but i didn't see hate in her gaze as she stared up at me, I only saw deep weariness, like a person who had fought a lost battle for too long.

"You really are a very selfish person, you want me, what about what I want?does it really not matter...even the least bit ,that isn't enough and it won't be!" Her voice cracked as she wiped her eyes with a quick swipe of her sleeves.

A long silence followed, my heart felt so heavy...filled with so many words I wanted to say, but it came out empty.

"I'm sorry"

I couldn't find another word to say, she was having a mental breakdown but I couldn't make out any other words to say.

She was right ..

I really am a selfish bastard...

Because she seemed to draw out every naked emotion inside of me, exposing them raw.

The best of them...And the worse.

I couldn't control the way I feel making it all go wrong.

Just like an addiction.

A fatal one that wouldn't stop until it ruined us both.

I closed my eyes, because I couldn't look into her eyes, the raw emotions I saw there tore at my heart, threatening to rip it off my chest.

"I really want to care..really want so much...So much that I can't give and ....but i don't know how to do all that....i really don't"

I stiffened when I felt arms wrapped around my mid level tightly .

I inhaled and exhaled continuously feeling nothing but confusion.

Why was she doing this?

I couldn't give her anything , I deserved all her hate, even though the thought of her hating me made me feel so cold and empty .

"Then I'll help you...allow me to help you Hayden..I can teach you how to feel then ..help us" she murmured

I tensed even more when she pressed her lips softly on one of my shoulders.

"Why are you doing this?" I croaked out in a rough voice I didn't recognize to be mine.

"I know you won't let me go.....how about I try to be happy..We'll both get what we want right?"

I leaned to touch my forehead with hers, caressing her nape with my fingertips softly.

"What if that isn't what I want and all I've ever wanted was your all of you...I mean everything ...for you to need me as badly as I need you, for me not to have to force you to stay....That what I deeply crave the most is your love, will you give that to me then? ....we'll both get what we want , will you still help me then?" I couldn't suppress the turbulent emotions growing deep inside of me even as I felt her whole body tensed against me.

Chapter FIFTY SEVEN

GRACIE