Page 36 of Theirs to Desire (Club M: Boxed Set)

FIONA

A very Welch lifts her head up as I enter her office Tuesday afternoon and surveys me thoughtfully. “You look… different.”

I can’t believe it’s only been a week since I last saw Avery. So much has happened in these last seven days, and I don’t know where to start. I sit in my usual armchair and look at my therapist. “I went to Club M,” I tell her. “I saw Raymond there.”

“You did?”

I nod soberly. “It wasn’t good. I went into shock.

Well, not real shock, of course, because I’d be dead.

” I fill her in on everything that’s happened.

My lunch with Adrian and Brody on Wednesday.

The scene in their office on Thursday. Heading to the club on Friday, and then the events of Friday night.

“Then,” I continue, “In the middle of the night, I finally admitted something I’ve spent the last two years denying. I had been afraid of Raymond. The moment I said those words out loud, I felt free.”

Avery scribbles something on her notepad. “You’ve made more progress this week than you have in almost two years,” she comments.

“I really think I have. After that, I spent the rest of the weekend with Adrian and Brody, and I’m having dinner with them tonight.” I bite my lower lip. “You’re going to tell me to take things slow, aren’t you?”

She looks up. “I wasn’t planning on it,” she replies, sounding surprised. “Fiona, you’re the best judge of how you feel.”

“You don’t think I’m swinging between extremes? One moment, I’m terrified of being tied up, the next moment, I’m signing up to be a kitten on stage? What’s next, fire play?”

“What’s fire play?”

“Not a clue,” I reply. “Someone called Kai Bowen was going to do a demo on Friday night, but I missed it.”

She’s writing something down, but when I say those words, her pen freezes. “Kai Bowen?” she asks, her voice faint.

I frown. “I think that’s his name, yes. Why?”

She resumes writing, but her fingers are noticeably shaky. “It doesn’t matter what I think,” she says, ignoring my last question and focusing on the earlier one. “Do you think you’re swinging between extremes?”

She changed the topic pretty damn quick. Then again, we’re supposed to be talking about me, not her. “I don’t know if I am. Maybe. That’s not what I’m really worried about.”

Avery waits for me to continue. I gather my thoughts. “I’m starting to get attached to them,” I say at last. “Brody and Adrian, I mean.”

“You spent the weekend with them. Isn’t it normal to get attached?”

I lean forward. “They’re dominants, Avery. The bartender at the club said women were fighting to be their submissive for this demo. A woman even came up to them and volunteered.”

“So what?”

“I have so many hang-ups. What if they get bored of me? What if they get annoyed with having to work around my limits?”

“Hmm.”

“Avery, stop doing that. I want to know what you think.”

“You already know the answer, Fiona,” she replies patiently. “You are who you are. You can’t be anyone else. It’s better to be honest and risk losing the person you love than to live a lie.”

Love? Who said anything about love?

I’m about to open my mouth and hotly deny that I’m falling in love. Then a random thought strikes me.

Neither Brody nor Adrian had been surprised to see Raymond Downing at the club.

But they should have been. If Club M really is as safe as they say it is, someone like Raymond Downing should never have been allowed to join.

So they’d known.

Which means Xavier told them.

My skin goes clammy. They told me Xavier had asked them to mentor me. They’d made it seem like a normal part of joining the club. But what if it wasn’t?

Oh. My. God. They’ve joked that Xavier’s playing matchmaker. Is that why they’re sleeping with me? Because Xavier asked them to?

Bile starts to rise in my throat. I really need to talk to Brody and Adrian.