Page 186 of Theirs to Desire (Club M: Boxed Set)

DIXIE

I ’m dreading going into the office on Wednesday. My head hurts from the effect of too many margaritas, my heart hurts because of my folly, and I’m really not ready to see Eric. I don’t trust myself not to turn into a weeping mess.

It is after eight when I pull in. There’s a BMW in my usual spot—I think it’s John’s car. No doubt he thinks he’s making some kind of petty point that I wasn’t in early. Some days, John succeeds in getting under my skin, but today, I wear my heartache like armor.

Andie gives me a concerned look when I walk past her. “Are you okay?” she asks. “You look dreadful. You’re not falling sick, are you?”

Andie’s husband is immune-compromised. “Just nursing a hangover. I drank too much last night.”

She grins approvingly. “Nice. You’ve been working so hard—you deserve to cut loose. Want me to get you some coffee?”

“I will love you forever,” I tell her fervently. “Milk, extra sugar. Thank you.”

I glance in the direction of Eric’s office, but his door is shut. Andie notices. “He’s out today,” she says helpfully.

Relief wars with disappointment. “Really?”

“They’re closing the Achard I didn’t have to hear it from John. After all, we worked on the project together. But he hasn’t been in touch. No email, no text messages. I guess he doesn’t want anything to do with me.

A pang of sadness engulfs my heart. I haven’t heard from either Hunter or Eric after I left. It’s been less than twenty-four hours, but I already miss them.

You brought this on yourself, Dix.

John’s not above making sly insinuations about Eric and me. I’m half-expecting him to say something snide to me now, about how surprised he is that I don’t know the news despite working closely with Eric.

But he doesn’t. He just stands in front of my desk and stares at me. It’s a little weird and a lot creepy. “Do I have lipstick on my teeth or something?”

“What? No.”

He still doesn’t move. “Can I help you with something, John?” I ask pointedly. “If not, I have a meeting with Reena I need to prepare for, so if you don’t mind?—”

He seems to collect himself with a start. “You’ll do anything for the job, right?” he throws down at me and leaves on that cryptic note.

I stare after his departing back. John’s being stranger than usual. Then again, Kevin and he were friends, and it’s always disconcerting when people get fired.

Friday morning, Xavier Leforte knocks on my office door. “Do you have a moment, Dixie?”

“Of course.”

I haven’t had a chance to talk to my boss in weeks. We have a much-rescheduled one-on-one coming up Monday. Three days ago, I was nervous about that meeting. Now, I can’t find it in myself to care about work. My heart is numb.

A thousand times in the last seventy-two hours, I’ve picked up my phone to text Hunter and Eric, only to set it down again. What’s the point of calling them? What would I say? This heartache is my doing. I’m the one who cares what other people think. I’m the one who wanted to break up.

Xavier enters my office and takes a seat. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I let Kevin Hughes go on Tuesday.”

“I’d heard.”

“Eric tells me he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without your help.” His eyes rest on me. “You went above and beyond, Dixie. Thank you. I deeply appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.” I think this means I’m not fired. It might even mean—fingers crossed—that I have a chance at the COO job. “I was happy to help.” I lean forward. “Kevin Hughes didn’t set this up on his own.”

“No, he was a tool, nothing more. But thanks to you, I know who is trying to frame me. It’s being handled.” A smile brushes his lips. “On a different note, do you have plans tomorrow evening?”

Tomorrow is Saturday. I’ve spent the last several Saturdays with Hunter and Eric, fulfilling one outrageous sex fantasy after another. Had I not broken up with them, what might we have done?

Would they have blindfolded me and trailed ice-cubes down my overheated skin? Brought me to the edge of release over and over again until I was a shaking, quivering mess?

Or would we have been more playful? Would Eric have insisted on having sex in the canoe, even though our last attempt ended in disaster?

I don’t know. Whatever it was, it was always great. When I was with them, I always felt seen. Heard. Accepted.

And how did you respond? With fear. You weren’t brave enough to stay. You weren’t courageous enough to choose them.

Xavier’s waiting for me to answer. “No, I don’t.”

“Good.” He hands me an envelope. “It’s an invitation to a gala tomorrow night,” he explains. “I’m organizing a fundraiser for the community health center. Dinner, dancing, and a charity auction.” He glances at me. “Hunter said that it was your idea to get me involved.”

I’m in no mood for a party. “Xavier, I?—”

“Community involvement is important to me,” he continues, ignoring my attempt to interrupt him. “I’d like my team to be there, delivering the same message.”

Eric will be there, and so will Hunter. I open my mouth to tell Xavier I can’t make it, and then shut it. Who am I kidding? As much as it would feel like twisting the knife in the wound, I really want to see them.