Page 169 of Theirs to Desire (Club M: Boxed Set)

DIXIE

T he phone rings a couple of times. I’m about to hang up when Eric picks up. “Dixie,” he says cautiously.

“Eric.” I sound so stilted. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened. Why I was distracted at the end.”

“Okay.”

I can’t do this on the phone. I need to this face-to-face. I want to see them. “Are you far away? Can we have this conversation in person?”

“I’m at a bar on Hill Street,” he replies. “The Golden Fleece. Hunter’s here with me.”

“Good, he was going to be my next phone call.” I look up the Golden Fleece on my laptop. I’ve never noticed it, but I’ve driven past it more than once on my way to my usual brunch place, Good Earth. “I can be there in fifteen minutes.”

“It’s pretty busy here.” Eric hesitates. “We can come to you.”

“Yes, please. I’d like that.”

I spend the next few minutes tidying up.

I put the plate on my coffee table into the sink, fold up the throw on my couch, and stack up the books into a neat pile.

My apartment isn’t messy, which is good because my attention isn’t on the clean-up.

I’m going to reveal something about myself to Eric and Hunter.

I’m going to make myself vulnerable. I’m nervous about that.

You have no reason to be. You told them your fantasy, and they were so very respectful of your desire.

That’s true. They hadn’t laughed at me. They hadn’t made me feel like a slut, and they hadn’t made me feel like a freak. They hadn’t smirked through the role play. I’d felt safe with them.

My buzzer sounds. I press the button to let them in. In a minute, I hear their footsteps. My pulse races. I’m more nervous now than I was at the start of the evening.

Before they can knock, I crack open the door, and they’re there. My heartbeat stutters. An hour ago, their fingers were in my pussy. Their mouths had made me come harder than I ever have. And now they’re here on the threshold of my apartment, two looming, larger-than-life presences.

“Come on in.” I wipe my palms on my skirt. “I didn’t interrupt your plans when I called?”

Eric smiles slightly. “It wasn’t much of one,” he says. “Just a plate of lukewarm nachos. The beer was decent.”

“I’d offer you some, but I don’t have any; I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’m out of wine too. All I have is coffee and tea. Sorry.” I grimace. From somewhere beyond her grave, Mrs. Grace is clucking her tongue at me. “Would you like some?”

“I’m good,” Eric replies. Hunter declines my offer of a beverage as well. He settles himself on my couch, and Eric takes the armchair across from him, which leaves me one of two options—the other armchair or the couch.

I pick the couch.

They’re both looking at me. I bite the inside of my cheek. “I owe you an explanation for the way things ended earlier.”

“You don’t owe us anything,” Hunter corrects me. “You are not obligated to manage our emotions.”

“Fair enough. I’d like to explain, if you don’t mind.

” They nod, and I continue. “I wasn’t lying.

I really did have a great time. You made my fantasy come true, and I never once felt judged for my desires.

” I take a deep breath. “Hunter, I told you that after senior prom, I’d been making out with my boyfriend when a park ranger had caught us.

It was mortifying when it happened, and I thought I’d forgotten all about it. ”

I falter, and Hunter gives me an encouraging smile.

“I was seventeen, and I was a virgin, but William and I had been dating for a year, and I’d decided that senior prom was the night.

” I laugh shortly. “Me and a million other young women, no doubt.” A thought occurs to me.

“Are you sure you want to hear this?” I ask Hunter.

“I mean, you’re a psychiatrist. You have to listen to your patients’ problems all day. This is probably too much like work.”

He gives me a startled laugh. “I assure you, this situation is nothing like work.”

Oh, right. He wouldn’t have sex with his patients—that would be a pretty hard no-no. Great. Apart from everything else, I’m now insulting his professional ethics.

“I told you the park ranger had caught us. Until tonight, I’d forgotten William’s reaction.

I think I buried the memory. I was ashamed I’d been caught, afraid the ranger would tell my mother, but William didn’t even register my reaction.

He was too busy accusing me of being reckless.

He was terrified he’d lose his spot on the football team.

” I take in a deep breath. “He made me ashamed of my desire. He implied I was a slut.”

“He blamed you?” Eric sounds furious. Hunter looks outraged. A piece of the wall I’ve so carefully built around my heart crumbles away at their support.

“In retrospect, he wasn’t the greatest boyfriend,” I say lightly.

“I don’t know why I kept dating him all the way through college.

” I wipe my palms on my skirt. “I didn’t realize I was doing it, but on some level, I’d been bracing myself for your judgment.

” I look up at them. “And there was none. I was so giddy with relief, and then the dots connected.”

Eric has the strangest look on his face. “What?” I ask him. “Why are you looking so weird?”

“I thought you regretted telling us your fantasy.”

“Why?”

“Ex-girlfriend, remember?” His voice is casual, but his hands are clenched, and I know he’s not as unaffected by what happened as he’s pretending to be.

“Cici acted like she had fun, but then she said she felt pressured into exploring kink with me. She told me she hated everything.” He sucks in a breath.

“For years after we broke things off, I kept reliving our conversations, going over them in obsessive detail. She asked me what my fantasies were, and I told her. I didn’t think I was pressuring her, but maybe I was. ”

“Oh.” No wonder he didn’t believe me when I told him I had a good time. “You didn’t pressure me,” I tell him firmly. “It was my fantasy. I wanted it. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize?—”

“Forget that,” he interrupts. “That’s in the past. Do you want to do it again?”

Yes. The reply is immediate and instinctive. Only a faint stirring of common sense keeps me from blurting out my assent. “Really?”

“Do you only have one fantasy to explore?” he teases. Hunter’s giving him a strange look, but he ignores it. “Disappointing.”

“I have plenty of fantasies, thank you very much.” Temptation dances in front of me. I feel like I’ve been tightly bottled up my life, and now I’m ready to explode. And I do trust them with my desires. “Are you volunteering?”

Hunter glances at Eric and then at me. “Dixie’s Fantasy Fulfillment,” he says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “That has a certain ring about it, doesn’t it?” His expression turns serious. “If we’re going to do this, we should make sure we have the same expectations going in.”

“Okay.”

“I’m not looking for a relationship,” he clarifies. “I don’t have the mental space for it.”

“Me neither,” I say resolutely, ignoring the tiny pang in my heart at his words. “Work is crazy right now, and I’m angling for a promotion. My career is the priority.”

“But,” Hunter continues. “Casual or not, I don’t sleep around. As long as we’re doing this thing, I’d like it to be just the three of us. If the situation changes, if you meet someone you want to be with, we’ll end this. No hard feelings.”

I glance at Eric, who nods in assent. “I’m good with that. Dixie?”

Somebody pinch me. “Me too. On one condition.” I feel my face flame as they wait for me to continue.

“I don’t want this just to be about my fantasies.

You probably have some, right? I mean, I don’t have a lot of experience, and you guys have probably done everything, so maybe you don’t have any unfulfilled fantasies.

But if you do, I’m open to trying new things.

” William took far too many years from me.

For far too long, I’ve repressed my desires and buried my feelings.

No more.

Hunter beckons me closer. I scoot over, and he wraps an arm around my waist. “I think it’s safe to say I have plenty of fantasies,” he murmurs. “I’m in.”

“Me too,” Eric replies.

“Me three.” I blush once again. I’ve actually agreed to have a no-strings-attached, friends-with-benefits arrangement with two men. This is so not me.

Or maybe it’s the truest version of me, the version I’ve kept under wraps all my life.

I half-expect us to fool around some more, but they leave shortly after that, and I’m secretly relieved. This arrangement is a big step for me. I need a few hours for it to sink in, and I think they sense it.

Hira texts me a few minutes after they leave. ‘Should I call 911, or are you back home?’

Crap, I totally forgot to check in with her. ‘ I’m back home,’ I type out hastily.

‘And?’

‘It went great.’ I smile widely. ‘ Really great.’

I haven’t felt like this in a really long time. Breathless with anticipation, giddy with joy. I want to laugh and dance and giggle.

‘You go, girl!’ comes the immediate reply. ‘I want all the deets Monday.’

Yikes. Xavier hadn’t looked thrilled when Eric told him we were going to sleep together, and he’d been talking about a one-time thing.

Hira’s the Head of HR. Eric and I work together. What is she going to think?

It’s just sex, I tell myself. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s not a big deal.

The joy inside me deflates. This is going to get complicated.