Page 194 of Theirs to Desire (Club M: Boxed Set)

SOPHIA

I rage and fume all weekend. Silently, mostly. Andre is back at work, which is to be expected. Simon, my other brother, is a contractor and usually doesn't work on the weekends. But he’s running behind on a job, which means he's nowhere to be seen either.

How dare Damien do this? How dare he hold my love for the community health center over me?

And what's his agenda? I implied that he was doing this to sleep with me, but let’s be real.

I don’t actually believe that’s his motivation.

I'm not conceited enough to think that sex with me is worth a million dollars.

Even if you have as much money as Damien Cardenas has.

So what's his plan? What's the game? I don't think he wants to be a better person. I'm not stupid enough to think that one conversation with me is enough to change his obliviousness.

On Sunday evening, we do our weekly family dinner: my fathers and my oldest brother Ben live in California, Andre, Simon, and I live in Highfield, and my sister Aurora lives with her husband Juan Pablo and daughter Dawn in Santa Fe.

Thankfully, technology is a marvelous thing.

The time difference between the East and West Coast complicates things.

Simon, Andre, and I eat a little later than normal, and my fathers and Ben eat at five, which is earlier than they’re used to.

We make it work. Family dinner is a tradition in our household, one we’re determined to preserve.

The last time someone missed Sunday dinner was when Aurora was in labor with Dawn.

Simon sets the table while Andre and I fiddle with our iPads.

Once everyone's online, we begin the meal.

The first five or ten minutes is always a discussion about our meals, and this time is no exception.

“What are you eating?” I ask, looking at Aurora's image on the screen. “Is that cereal? You’re eating cereal for dinner? You?”

Aurora is very big into healthy eating.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she sighs. “JP and I didn’t have enough energy to cook today. Dawn was up all night screaming her head off. We took turns soothing her.”

“Ouch,” I say sympathetically.

“What's wrong with my granddaughter?” Dad demands. Ben, who’s with them in person, smothers a grin. Dawn is the first grandchild, and Lenny Thorsen is very much a doting grandfather.

“A stomach bug. Thankfully, the worst seems to have passed. She’s sleeping now.”

“Where's JP?” Papa asks. When I was a kid, Hank Carver Johnson was the one who insisted on family dinner. His expression is so familiar that it makes my heart ache. It’s the same expression he had when he insisted I put down the book I was reading, take off my headphones, and come downstairs for family dinner.

Because we are a family, Sophia, and it's important for us to eat together.

“He's helping his dad build a deck,” Aurora says. “He was supposed to be back already, but he’s running late. What are you guys eating? What’d you make, Dad? Andre?”

“Please,” Simon snorts. “As if Andre cooks at home. I made pasta. There was a recipe on the TikTok?—”

“Oh, the one with cherry tomatoes and feta?” Aurora looms closer to peer at her screen. “Is it any good?”

“It’s fantastic.”

Once the food conversation is over, we take turns talking about what’s been going on with us.

I hesitate when it’s my turn. All weekend long, angry thoughts of Damien have warred with memories of that magical night.

I usually tell my family everything, but I kept my threesome hidden.

Not because I thought they would have disapproved—my family is pretty open-minded—but because of the subsequent firing.

Mrs. Caldwell had been horrible . She implied I was a slut, but even worse, she made it seem like it was because of my family.

“Raised by two men,” she’d spit out. “It goes to show, doesn’t it? ”

My fathers gave me a stable home. They smothered me with love.

I will never do anything to hurt their feelings.

So I hid the fact that I got fired. It took me three months to find another job.

Three terrifying months. Ben loaned me some money for rent, but he didn’t have much either. It was rough going for a while.

It’s probably unfair that I’m blaming Damien. The real villain in the picture is Mrs. Caldwell. But that summer, as I became increasingly desperate to find work, it was Damien I resented. I wouldn’t have been in this situation if he’d kept his mouth shut.

And Julian? My feelings for him are more complicated. I can’t articulate why I resent Julian, but I do. When he didn’t come over during the fundraiser to say hi, it felt like our night together hadn’t even mattered. Or maybe he’s forgotten all about it. Maybe he’s forgotten me.

“Sophia?” Ben prompts. “What’s going on with you?”

I talk to my family about important things. Damien and Julian are not important, but my decision to go the IVF route is. “I went on another terrible date.”

Ben, Aurora, and Simon laugh. Dad grins, and even Papa cracks a smile. “What?” I ask defensively.

“How long did the date last?” Aurora asks Andre. “Did you time it like you were supposed to, or did you forget?”

“Wait, what?”

Andre avoids my outraged gaze. “She called me at seven-thirty-one. She left home at six-thirty. Let’s say it took her twenty minutes to get to the restaurant, which would make it?—”

“Forty-one minutes,” Ben announces. He glances down at his phone. “Aurora, you’re this week’s winner.”

My mouth falls open. “Hang on,” I say slowly. “Are you assholes betting on my dates?”

Both my fathers give me rebuking looks for the swearing. I let it bounce off me. “Seriously?” I demand.

“Of course we are,” Ben replies calmly. “I thought I’d win this week for sure. Sure, you always think there’s something wrong with the guys, but this time, you agreed to have dinner with him. I figured you’d make it through the main course. Sixty minutes, that was my number.”

I always think there’s something wrong with the guys? Does Ben think I’m being too picky? Too critical? What the hell?

“Nah, he ordered for her,” Andre says. “A medium-rare steak. It was pretty good, actually. I had it for breakfast the next day.”

The little traitor. I can’t believe he was timing my date. “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” I tell him bitterly. “You owe me sixty bucks.”

Andre opens his mouth to say something. So does Aurora.

Ben leans back to watch the chaos unfold.

We love each other—very much—but our fights as kids were legendary.

Papa looks like he remembers and clears his throat.

“That’s quite enough,” he says firmly. “Ben, stop betting on your sister’s dates.

Aurora, send Soph half your winnings. Sophia, no charging Andre for the steak. ”

“You heard him,” Dad says mildly. “Hank has spoken.”

Aurora nods meekly. Ben looks a little mutinous, but he grunts, “Fine. Who’s next? Simon?”

“I’m not done,” I interject. “Andre and I were talking after my date, and he made me see I’ve been going about this the wrong way. I’ve made a decision.” I suck in a breath. “I’m going to look into sperm donors.”

I brace myself for their reactions. Brace for one of them to tell me that it’s extremely difficult to be a single mother, and am I sure?

But of course, that doesn’t happen. We might squabble like a barnful of cats, but when it matters, we’re always there for each other.

“That makes sense,” Dad says. “You were in such a hurry to find someone that it made me nervous. People think that a bad partner is better than no partner, but they’re wrong. ”

“I have an appointment on Wednesday.”

“Good for you, Sophia,” Papa says. “Simon, how’s work going?”

“Busier than ever,” my brother replies. “It’s a good time to be a contractor. Ben, you don’t want to move here, do you? I could use a hand.”

I’m sitting in the backyard after dinner, enjoying the warm September night, when Aurora texts me.

Hey, I’m sorry about the bet. I didn’t mean to be an asshole.

No worries . You might be an asshole, but I love you anyway. I sent Dawn something, by the way. It should be there tomorrow.

More Duplo? You spoil her.

I’m not the only one; we all do.

JP has two sisters . Dawn sees them all the time. If I have to resort to shameless bribery to be her favorite aunt, I will.

You’re going to have to work harder. Heidi is getting a puppy.

Oh, that is not fair. That bitch, I write with fake indignation. JP’s sister Heidi is the sweetest person ever, but come on? A puppy? The contest is over.

Aurora sends me a laughing emoji.

So, you’re really doing the sperm donation? I’m glad. You’re going to be a great mom.

You think?

I KNOW . Will you stay in Highfield? After the baby is born, I mean.

I haven’t thought about it. For the first year after I moved to the East Coast, I felt acutely homesick. Things are different now. Highfield feels like home. We finally finished renovating our house. Okay, Simon did most of the work while Andre and I hovered around pretending to help, but still.

My friends are here. My job is here, and I like it. I really enjoy working with Patricia Adams, the Director of the Highfield Community Health Center. My health insurance won’t cover the cost of fertility treatments, but I can access six months of maternity leave, which is really generous.

I might not be able to afford it. It might not work. Too soon, you know?

True. Hey, I’m sorry again. Whatever reason you have for not trusting men, I know you, and I’m sure they’re justified.

I trust men, I type automatically. Then I stop myself and delete the words.

My siblings aren’t wrong. I used to trust everyone. I used to take people at face value. Not anymore, and I don’t have to look too deep in my heart to know when that changed.

I don’t want to rehash the past. I haven’t thought about Mrs. Caldwell in years, but seeing Damien and Julian at the fundraiser brought back those feelings. My composure is unraveling. All weekend, I’ve been on edge and off-balance, and I don’t like it.

Time to get back on track. I have goals. I want to have a baby, and I need to raise more money for the health center.

Damien Cardenas and Julian Kincaid are part of my past. Their reappearance in my life is a blip that I will get through.